Secrets That Kill
by EmmettMonkeyMan
Summary: Bella is diagnosed with Anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. She doesn't know what to do. Will the new kids help her out? What if someone else is hurting but all the attention is on her and this person reaches their limit? Will this person be saved? Or will their family let them slip from their grasp? Warning of sensitive subjects*. All human.
1. Meeting New People

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life –which hasn't been good. After years of bullying she turns to something that a friend suggests. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan

My name is Isabella Marie Swan but feel free to call me Bella. I was born in Forks, Washington on the 13th of September 1993. **(A/N just go with it. On the web it says Bella was born in 1987 so she'd be 22 but in this story she's 17.)** I live with my dad Charlie. He works as chief of police and is very helpful when I need him for things.

Unfortunately mom passed away when I was 10 from a car crash that I was able to be saved from. I don't remember her much but that's when my world started to crumble and fall. I was a sad child before that because my friends bullied me and said I was 'ugly' and 'fat'. I believed them.

At 8, i stopped eating; isolating myself from everything. I wouldn't talk to anyone, I'd stay in my room most of the days and I'd just slowly walk through life. It was actually pretty sad.

My dad and mom failed to notice my sudden need to drop the (FAT) pounds. An average 8 year olds weight is around 57lbs. I was 41lbs and slowly dropping by the months or even weeks. I had a diary and reading over it now I truly thought 41lbs was obese. I still do.

Eventually people started to notice but that was when I was around 37lbs and in severe need of food. I went right down to the point where my heart and other organs were failing on me. After I was discharged from the hospital 3 weeks after having feeding tubes and other horrible stuff pushed into my body I was taken to a psych ward.

It was completely horrible, even if it was for children and many were my age.

Somehow I managed to find something that was sharp. You can probably guess what I did with the stupid thing? Yep i cut myself.

I was probably demented and in an unhealthy mental state which was later confirmed at 9. However I managed to get out of the horrible ward at 10. Still i was anorexic (according to dad and mom) but was luckily around 48lbs. Luckily I didn't go back to the ward because I started to eat again and the cutting decreased to 4-5 cuts a month.

A 9 year old shouldn't be doing any of it and the doctors and nurses said; 'I've never seen anything as bad as this so young.'

I didn't really care. I really wanted to die and at the end of the year things just grew worse! Mom passed away in the hospital shortly after the ambulance took her there on a cold December the 15th after a major car crash. She shielded me with her body and the impact hit her side; causing internal bleeding and broken bones. This was only months after I got out of the ward and when I was in there I was only aloud to see someone in my family once a month.

She was snatched from me when I didn't even have enough time to say loving things to her and apologize for being a horrible daughter.

When I saw her I said, "I know i haven't been the greatest kid but i hope you didn't mind too much; things were just tough, they still are, they still will be mom but I always turn to you with my problems. I just really wanted to say I love you and we'll always be together." She was already dead. She was led on an out of place bed in a cold room with no heartbeat, nothing. The sight of her made me bawl but I held on and told her what I should've told her before i was dragged into a horrible mess of depression.

She was the one who always told Ana to go away; (Anorexia) she'd sit with me; take me by the shoulders and say, "Ana? I know you're in there and you're taking my little girl away from me. You're making her invisible; taking everything that's left of her away. Why do you whisper lies to her? Why do you say this," She'd hold my stomach, "Isn't beautiful? Why do you say she is ugly? Do you not realize what you are doing to my sweet girl? Will you please go away and let my little girl eat something and feel good about it? We beg of you Ana, we beg."

At 11 I got over the anorexia and went back to eating small plates of food. As the years went on I started to eat average sized meals again. The cutting still continued.

At 16, early last year, Ana came back to haunt me after the bullying started again. I didn't want to worry and cry at dad because of people in school so each day I endured it and tried not to eat anything just to drop the calories that were in every meal.

I sighed and made my way down the stairs to set off for school. Charlie has already gone to the police station so it was just me in the house. That didn't bother me; I didn't have to make up some lame excuse about not eating.

I walked straight past the kitchen and out of the door towards my Chevy truck. I sunk into the thick leather and pulled the vehicle in drive.

I arrived at the school at exactly 8:10am. I still had 20 minutes of free time before the first bell rang. I sighed and got out of my truck, settling for a bench under one of the huge trees. It was out of the way so anyone passing would have to be looking intently to see me. I didn't like attention.

Unfortunately I hardly had anything to do than sit there and read. Don't get the wrong idea, I love reading; I really do but the books are always filled of happy endings or nights in shining armour. They were never really real life. I wasn't in the mood for reading today so I stared at people as they walked past and tried to calculate the amount of calories that they carried in their hands.

After the 54th person the first bell rang. I didn't even bother getting up; many people seemed to follow the warning bell. Though after another 4 people they finally stopped; no one else walked past the bench that I was occupying in the far corner. It was pretty sick that they couldn't see me staring at them, well their food.

I got up and pulled my rucksack on my back and started to head across the grass and onto the soft gravel in front of me.

"Hey wait up!" A bell-like voice called out. It was high and very musical. I hadn't been directly talked too since 4 months ago when Lauren and Jessica – the worst gossipers in school – told the school that I was a whore.

I froze with my right foot in mid step and slowly turned around to see 5 gorgeous looking students stood before me. They made me want to chuck away the granola bar I had in my bag. They were so beautiful and thin! Maybe I'd be like that one day and not a fat walrus. "Yes?" I said weakly. Wow, did my voice always crack like that? And was it ever that quiet? I had intended for it to sound strong and loud.

The black haired pixie – well not really a pixie but she looked like one – grinned and bonded up to me. "I'm Alice!" she chirped.

I just stood there like a complete idiot for a while. "Bella." I managed to choke out after a bit. I wasn't very good at socializing.

"Right, Bella pretty name!" She carried on in that shrill voice. "Me and my siblings," she gestured to the 4 behind her. "Are new here. May you show us to the main office or whatever you have here for new comers?"

I sighed. I was late anyway. I shrugged and clenched my pale hands around the strap of my bag to stop my panicking. I hated people talking to me or people getting to close. This girl was inches away. "You'll have to go to Mrs. Cope. Follow me; I'll take you."

I quickly strode up the path and pushed open the main door. It was so heavy that it took a lot of strength from me to open it, or maybe I was just small. No Bella, I began. You're fat! A chubby whale! You're not small at all! I groaned quietly and muttered under my breath. "Shut up Ana!"

I sighed again and led the siblings down to Mrs. Cope. "Mrs. Cope!" I called from the doorway. She understood that I didn't like to be touched.

"Bella dear! What's brought you here? Do you need a late pass?" She came around from her desk and came towards me, thankfully stepping about 4 inches away from my right side to give me my space.

I shook my head. "No, Mrs. Cope I was just bringing the new students here."

She nodded in understanding and went back to her desk; rummaging around for 5 time tables and 5 hall passes. I stepped from the doorway and the siblings piled in behind me. Great; I had to be in the front.

Mrs. Cope came back and frowned when she saw the siblings were too far to the door for her to hand the stuff in her hands too. She smiled sympathetically towards me and gently laid the stuff on the ground. She took a step back from them and I bent down, scooping it all into my hands.

I bit my lip and turned back to the 5 behind me. I gently held the papers out at arms length to Alice and she took them off me, thankfully not making any skin contact.

I breathed out in relief and grinned proudly at Mrs. Cope. I had never handed a stranger anything for years!

"Now the time tables should be fine but if you have any problems with them just come back to the office at the end of the day," Mrs. Cope spoke to the siblings. "And the hall passes are to be used for going to the toilet or being excused from lessons for a medical reason or anything emergency-like. Bella here will take you to each lesson and show you around and will report you back here at the end of the day."

My mouth dropped open in shock and tears pricked at my eyes. I turned to Mrs. Cope in confusion and anger. How could she make me do this? "Why...but...I" I couldn't get any words out.

"Bella," her eyes softened. "This will be good for you; you need to be able to do these things at your age and besides Charlie has personally recommended it."

"Okay" I whispered and headed out of the room.

I heard Mrs. Cope in the room. "That's my girl."

I smiled inwardly for her happiness. At least someone on the planet was happy. With a bit of a struggle I faced Alice, the only one I knew so far. "Um, so who has who for homeroom?"

"I have Mrs. Edwards." Alice chirped.

"Mr. Carter." The blond haired boy said from beside her.

"Mrs. Summers" The muscular dark haired boy smiled.

"Mrs. Summers!" the blond haired girl beamed at the muscular boy.

"Mrs. Edwards." The bronze haired boy spoke softly from behind them all.

"Alright." I said. Alice and the bronze haired boy were with me. The muscular boy and the blond haired girl were down the hall from us and the blond haired boy was around the next corridor.

I quickly showed them to their homerooms and told them to meet up outside my homeroom for first lesson.

I gave my late pass to Mrs. Edwards who didn't seem bothered that I was late. She was actually proud that I was 'helping the new kids' yeah right. I said down in my seat at the back and Alice and the boy had to sit on either side of me. No more privacy anymore then. Damn.

"This is Edward" Alice said as she pointed to the boy.

I nodded and smiled as best as I could. "Hello Edward. It's nice to meet you."

He smiled softly. "It's nice to meet you too." He held out his hand in introduction.

I simply shook my head and waved at him. No touching. Easy.

He looked confused but dropped his hand.

"The black haired boy is Emmett," Alice began. "He's the oldest of us and is 18. Then there's Rosalie and Jasper; the blond haired boy and girl. Their 2nd oldest and their 17." She smiled. "Then Edward was adopted into the family 3 years after the twins and he's 17 too and then there's me!" she giggled. "I'm 16."

I was a little surprised at that. Alice was 16? "You're 16?" I asked.

She nodded. "I skipped a grade!" she clapped her hands happily_. You should be in 2__nd__ grade by the way your acting_, I thought.

The bell rang 30 minutes later and then we met up with Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie. I led them to classes and then the day passed quickly.

Unfortunately lunch came too quickly and I found myself leading them through the huge double doors. I normally sat right at the table at the back if I ever came in the cafeteria. I headed towards it but I felt someone grab my arm. I froze and my breathing increased slightly. A touch leads to a person. Oh my.

The person quickly removed their arm and I saw Alice looking at me. "Um...Sorry?" she said.

I shook my head. "What's the matter?"

"You're coming to sit with us!" she was back to her hyper self. I wanted so desperately to go to that corner in the back but I had to go sit at the table with them because I didn't want to seem rude. I sat down next to Edward and Emmett and tried to squish my sides into the seat as much as possible so I wouldn't be too close to them. I let my pale hands clench around the edges of the table.

I noticed that Emmett was scoffing down a huge roll with lettuce, mustard and chicken in it and the others were eating various foods.

Ewe.

I just sat there stiffly as I stared at the passers by. Too close. Everyone was too close. I sent my wide eyes over to look at the table I always used to sit at when I first started Forks High. Angela was staring right at me. She smiled at me but I made no attempt to do anything with my face reflexes. Her smile changed to worry.

People were closing in. Emmett was shuffling his chair closer to me so he could reach for Edward's chips and people were walking past my chair each second or minute. My hands clenched tighter around the table as I began to feel lightheaded.

* * *

**I'd just like to clear up that the top of this is my life story though both my mom and dad are dead. Mom died in a car crash when I was 10 and dad died from Giloblastoma (Stage IV) when i was 14, and I did go anorexic when I was 8 and I did go to a psych ward and I still cut but the only thing that isn't with me now is the panic attacks, the no touching thing and the Anorexic.**

**My new story :) yes I like writing stories :) as you can see :) my 10th story and my 9th story of Twilight! Yay! Tell me what you think of the first chapter :) if anything confuses you I assure that it will make sense in further chapters but if you do wonder please post it as a review and I'll reply. All reviews are welcome :)**

**God Bless,**

**Savannah**


	2. Tough Times

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life –which hasn't been good. After years of bullying she turns to something that a friend suggests. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan

I felt someone approaching and nearly fell off my chair in fright. I slowly turned and Angela's heart shaped face filled my vision.

"Bella," she said in a warning tone. "You're in the heart of the canteen"

I stared at her numbly. _Thank you so much for pointing that out_. She was a great person and was sort of my friend except that she didn't know anything about the cutting or the anorexia but knew about my claustrophobia and panic problems when it came to crowded or small places. "I…" I squeaked out and hid my face in my hands on the table. I tried to take deep breaths and blocked out all of the people around me.

"Bella, go talk to Mrs. Cope. She'll keep you calm. Go!" Angela said softly.

I didn't. I stayed because I was feeling calm now. "I'm fine now. It's okay Angela; I'll see you in class unless you want to join us." I whispered as I lifted my head up.

"Sure." She shrugged and grabbed a chair from another table. She sat down away from me and I smiled gratefully at her.

The siblings were quiet throughout the whole ordeal but soon everyone settled into conversation. I unfortunately became that conversation.

"So Bella, got anything I can eat?" Emmett asked.

I was about to reply when Lauren – the biggest gossiper in the school – walked past me. "the ugly cow doesn't bring lunch to school or doesn't buy anything. She probably has a massive binge after it and gets so fat her dad has to pop her." She giggled in a stupid way and walked off to the doors.

I ignored the comment and traced the patterns on the table. I was used to it but it hurt. That's what made me stop eating. I was huge to them. Ana was even on their side.

Rosalie was staring after Lauren in shock and then she turned to look at me. "Is that why you haven't got anything to eat? Because of that horrible bitch over there that doesn't have any right to call you that?"

I shook my head. "I'm used to it." I was so tired today; I could collapse on the spot. Tears were threatening to fall and my hands were urging to hold their 'tools'. I was a mess like always. "I'll be right back." I whispered and dodged my way past every student to get to the restroom. Thankfully no one was in them and so I walked into the stall and dropped to the cold floor.

I pushed my 2 fingers to the back of my throat and pushed – causing my eyes to water. I removed my fingers and purged up into the toilet. Yuck, but it needed to be done – that granola bar was in my system from this morning.

Feeling better with myself I got up from the cold floor and made my way back to the cafeteria. Angela and the siblings were waiting for me when I approached the table; what I mean is that they were full on staring at me. I smiled weakly but didn't sit down. "We should get to class." I whispered as I gestured to the nearly empty room.

Angela smiled and got up, falling into a place a few steps away from me. "We were waiting for you." she gestured for me to lead the way.

The dismissal bell went 2 hours later and I walked home through the slushy rain. I pulled the bottom of my trousers up so they wouldn't get wet and trudged through the down pour. I hated rain. It put me in an even more depressing mood. I unlocked the door since Charlie wasn't home yet and stomped up to my room. I chucked my bag down in the corner and lifted up the floorboard under my bed. I carefully slid the knife out of the other tools and went into the washroom. I made sure to lock the door and then I sunk to the floor with the knife curled up in my right hand.

I cursed under my breath as tears came from Jessica and Lauren's horrible words each day. I plunged the knife down into my skin as I thought over me eating the granola bar and how I had nearly had a panic attack when Alice touched me. Eventually I let the knife slip free and I pushed the cloth over my wounds.

When the bleeding had finally stopped I washed the knife and then slid it back under the lose floorboard.

The door banged open 10 minutes later and Charlie's heavy footsteps were made noticed in the hallway. "Bella!" he called. "I'm home! Dinner will be about half an hour."

"Great!" I called. Not. Dinner was not great at all. Err.

Half and hour later I was sat around the kitchen table with Charlie. Steak and chips. That's what was in front of me. Ewe. I quietly pulled out the napkin from my pocket under the table and spread it across my legs. When Charlie began to dig in I picked up my fork and tried to delay stabbing my fork into a chip. "How was work?" I asked.

Charlie nodded as he chewed and swallowed. "It was okay. Not much is happening lately apart from the occasional theft." He dug into his streak. "How was school?"

I shrugged. "It was…okay. I had to show the siblings around today." I muttered.

Charlie's brows knitted in confusion. "The siblings?"

As he tried to get something out of his water (he was cutting down on the beer) I quickly shoved 5 chips down onto the napkin. "Oh yeah, the new kids. There are 5 of them."

"Oh!" He said happily. "The Cullen's. They've just moved here with their parents Esme and Dr. Carlisle Cullen."

I nearly choked when he said 'Dr'. There was going to be a doctor living in Forks! The doctors that worked at Forks Hospital were a little bit out of the town. The Cullen's better not be observant. "Edward's adopted." I blurted out and quickly dropped more food down into my napkin.

Charlie nodded. "Yeah I know. So how did it go?"

"It went alright. Alice seems a bit hyper sometimes and she touched me today but I didn't go in panic mood, Emmett's really loud, Rosalie's friendly and confident, Jasper's calm and Edward…well Edward's just Edward." I shrugged.

Charlie set down his fork to take a swig of his water. "Speaking of that; you have an appointment with Dr. Cullen tomorrow so you'll be missing 1st and 2nd period."

"What for?" I asked cautiously, setting down my Fork after dropping a few pieces of steak down into my lap.

"About the panic attacks and anxiety; their getting out of hand Bells." He sighed. I smiled weakly. "You finished?" He asked as he stood up.

I nodded as I looked at the plate. It was half empty. It was all in the napkin in my lap – well except for a few mouthfuls that I couldn't avoid – and apparently he was satisfied with what I had eaten. Hmm.

When he turned around to dunk the dishes in the sink I quickly took the napkin, wrapped it up and shoved it in my pocket. "Hey dad?" He turned. "Is it okay if I go to my room now?"

He nodded. "Of course Bells."

I shot up the stairs and went into my room. I listened to my music for half an hour before I took the napkin and tiptoed to the washroom. I chucked the horrid food down the toilet and flushed, pretending I had had a number 2. It was best to dispose the food half an hour after dinner because if you did it straight away they'd get suspicious.

I went off to bed 3 hours later and sunk into a restless dream.

* * *

PLEASE READ:

Okay, guys I know this is really short but I thought I'd post this because I don't know if anyone even likes this story. If you don't want me to continue then please stay, though I have written a lot of this story in word. I just want to let you know that if you like this story and want me to continue please review…so yeah :) that's me done! x

I'd just like to clear up that the top of this is my life story though both my mom and dad are head. Mom died in a car crash when I was 10 and I did go anorexic when I was 8 and I did go to a psych ward and I still cut but the only thing that isn't with me now is the panic attacks, the no touching thing and the Anorexic.

My new story :) yes I like writing stories :) as you can see :) my 10th story and my 9th story of Twilight! Yay! Tell me what you think of the chapter :) if anything confuses you I assure that it will make sense in further chapters but if you do wonder please post it as a review and I'll reply. All reviews are welcome :)

God Bless,

Savannah


	3. Dr Cullen

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life –which hasn't been good. After years of bullying she turns to something that a friend suggests. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan

The next morning

I woke up shattered. I hardly got any sleep last night for some reason. I had nice dreams but I kept waking up. Stupid.

Charlie was sat in the front room in his work clothes because he was dropping me off at the hospital for my appointment with Dr. Cullen and then he was driving back to work. I was walking back to school! Yes! I could burn some calories!

I quickly grabbed an apple to keep up appearances for Charlie and got into the cruiser – yes the thing with the annoying siren on top – and we set off.

The hospital was a 20 minute drive away so I relaxed into my seat with my music playing until we got there. When we did Charlie took me to reception, booked me in and then he was off to work.

"Bye!" I yelled and waved as he pulled away and headed down the road.

I shrugged and went back into the waiting room area. I took a seat in the back so I wasn't in any contact of anyone who moved and settled down.

I didn't have long to sit there though; Dr. Cullen's patient had been out of their earlier so I was going in earlier.

He was a tall man, about 6'1" with blond hair like Jasper's and Rosalie's. He also had that smooth, pale skin. One thing we had in common I guess. Oh did I mention that he was drop-dead gorgeous? All of the Cullen's were. I was starting to wonder what the mother was like!

"Isabella Swan!" He called out with a folder in his hands at the front desk. I raised my hand and quickly dodged all of the people to get to him.

Fortunately he knew about my situation so he didn't offer his hand, he just gave a simple wave and led me down to his office.

When we got there he pushed open the door and sat down at a huge wooden desk. He gestured to the chair right in front of it. I just stood there. No way was I sitting in that.

"Is it too close Isabella?" He questioned.

I stared numbly at him after feeling the anxiety rising and nodded. "Yes." I squeaked. I really had to stop doing that.

He seemed thoughtful for a moment and spread his hands on his desk. "Isabella please show me how far you would feel comfortable sitting. Don't move the chair just go and stand wherever."

I furrowed my brow and looked at him. "There's not enough room." I stated. There really wasn't. I'd be halfway down the corridor by now.

"Okay," he said after a minute. "But if it was only in this room where would you go to sit?"

I walked right up to the far corner and stood there.

"Alright. That will do for today but in future appointments I'd like to get you to the point where you can sit right in front of me." He smiled and I felt myself relax a little. When I slid my body to the floor he looked confused. "Do you not want a chair?"

I shook my head.

He sighed. "Okay then. We'll start from the basics. When did you first have a panic attack?" I was surprised he didn't have a notebook and pen to write anything down.

I thought hard. "A little after I turned 8."

"And why was that?" he asked.

"I had been bullied for weeks and then Lauren Mallory wrapped her arms around my neck when I was coming out of the school and I had to be rushed to hospital because I couldn't breathe." I whispered.

"And what did that make you feel like?" he pressed.

"Sick, tired, weak…insecure…"

"Why did you feel insecure?" He asked curiously.

"Because I felt uneasy about everything. I was anxious and unhappy just in case they tried to hurt me again and then I felt like no one was helping me stick up for myself…" I choked.

"Is this where the anxiety came from?" He said softly.

I nodded. "Yes. Every time someone went to touch me I thought they were going to hurt me…I still do…it's like my body automatically does it."

He chewed on his bottom lip in silence for a few seconds. "Isabella, close your eyes."

I stared at him with wide eyes. "Bella. Call me Bella. And why…?"

"Okay Bella." He smiled. "Just close them for me."

I slowly closed them and dragged my knees to my chest. Was he going to hit me? Throw things at me? Surely that wasn't aloud?

I could hear his light footsteps across the floor and my hands curled up into tight fists. His footsteps were heard inches away now and my body tried to push itself into the wall. My body grew hot and I felt my skin start to sweat. My breathing escalated.

"Bella?" He called. His voice seemed distance but I knew he was near. "You can open your eyes now. Bella…"

I started rocking back and forth but opened my eyes.

He was bent down right in front of me. He stared at my terror-struck eyes and smiled comfortingly. "It's alright. I'm not hurting you. See? It's okay."

I kept rocking. I didn't like him being so close. "Can you open a window…?" I gasped out. I thought I was going to faint from the hotness; it was making me dizzy.

He got up and pushed the window open. He was still close by. "I'm not going to hurt you Bella. Can I just see what you would do if I touched your arm?"

I held up my index finger – indicating for him to give me 1 minute to cool down – and then nodded slowly.

He gave me a few more seconds before he slowly brought his fingertips to the sleeve of my arm. He pressed down.

As soon as I felt it I jerked away, wrapping myself into a ball and rocking back and forth furiously. I began to whimper. Why did it have this effect on me? He said he wasn't going to hurt me!

He quickly rose to his feet and stepped back with his hands in front of him. "Bella, I didn't hurt you. You're okay. Everything's fine."

I could hear what he was saying but my body couldn't. I wanted to calm down but Ana didn't. She was nagging for me to go the washroom whilst my hands were clenching for their tools.

I thought over how mom would always calm me down when my panic attacks took over. I remembered her sweet, soft voice and closed my eyes.

'_It's okay Bella dear.' She smiled lovingly. 'It's going to be okay girl. Everything's okay sweetie.'_

'_I'm sorry momma' I whispered._

_She blew me a kiss. 'All is well dear. All is well.'_

"_I love you…" I sighed._

'_As I love you…'_

I felt my body relax from the memory and slowly unclenched my hands. "Sorry." I whispered.

Dr. Cullen smiled down at me. "It's perfectly alright Bella; it's normal for you to act like that after so long in doing it."

I got up off the floor shakily and rubbed my sweaty hands together. I took a deep breath and nodded.

"I think I've pushed you enough today. You'll come to see me 3 times a week for now, that may change in the future. Your next appointment will be on Thursday. You did great Bella." He smiled and led me to the door.

"Thank you Dr. Cullen, I'll see you Thursday."

"It's Carlisle." He laughed and escorted me back to the waiting room where he filled out a time table for my appointments and signed the first slot.

With a goodbye he set off for his office whilst I got away from the hospital.

I arrived at school just after 2nd period had ended. Good timing I guess. Mrs. Cope told me to wait outside the classroom I had so I was stood by Spanish, waiting for everyone to come out. Finally the bell rang and students crowded the hallways. I sunk into the wall just as the Cullen's all came bonding out of my class.

I got a chorus of "Bella's" "Isabella's!" and "Where have you been?" from all 5 of them.

I rubbed my forehead. "Can you at least talk one at a time? I'm here now aren't I? Hello to you too."

"Where did you go?" Edward asked quietly.

I started to lead them down to English. "I had to go to the hospital but don't worry I've been doing it since I was 9 but I changed doctor's today."

"oh." He whispered and grew quiet.

"I hope your going to be alright!" Alice said, startling me from my daydream. "You have a new doctor?"

I nodded.

"Why is that?" she said confused.

I shrugged. "My old doctor got bored of me? He was fed up with my silence? He couldn't handle my slow progress? I annoyed him? I don't know. Anyways my doctor is your dad." I was starting to get the hang on talking to the siblings in my normal voice now. It was weird.

Rosalie stared at me in a look of horror and happiness. "I don't know whether that's a good thing or not…dad's pretty embarrassing…"

I laughed, I actually laughed! – Well it was quiet and didn't sound right – but I laughed! "He isn't that bad…"

English and Trig passed quickly and we all made our way to lunch. I stopped them halfway. "Um…is it okay if I go sit outside for lunch all the time now? I don't like the cafeteria…" I pursed my lips.

"That's fine!" Rosalie said happily. "But just let us get our lunch first; then we'll come and join you. We'll bring our own lunch from now on."

I smiled thankfully. "Thank you. I'll be out front by a bench. If you look closely you'll find me."

I travel led through the school and padded through the soft grass. I searched for my bench and smiled at the empty table. I sighed and sat down on it; hiding in the shadows. I loved it.

"Bella! Bella!" I heard Emmett shout. I turned to see him walking up the path with a roll in his hand. He couldn't see me.

"Bells!" Alice shrilled. "BELLA!" she called again and people turned to look.

I would have to shout. I frowned. "Alice." I muttered above a whisper. "Alice!" I spoke a little above my normal voice now.

"There you are Bella!" she said, running across the grass towards me. "You do pick some morbid spots don't you?" she said rhetorically.

I took that as a compliment. Now I know why people don't sit here – well except for the Cullen's – who were taking a seat around the bench. Rosalie, Jasper and Alice were said opposite me and Edward and Emmett had to sit on either side of me. Oh man. I'd have to be okay. _Just don't think about it to much._

They all began to eat their food with me just sitting there staring at the grass. It wasn't interesting but my thoughts were else where. I was arguing with Ana. Well she was arguing with me.

(A/N Ana **bold**, Bella _italics_.)

_I want to eat…it looks nice. Smells horrible…_

**BELLA MARIE SWAN! Don't be such a pig! Do you want more fat falling around you?**

_No but look at it…_

**Bella I'm warning you. Do not eat the food. Do not. You'll kill me. Would you kill your best friend?**

_No I'm sorry. The food is really disgusting. Stupid people. You'll always be my best friend Ana. Thanks._

"Bella!" a voice called. "Bella? Hello!" Emmett was waving his hand in front of my face.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly. "What's the matter?"

He pointed to his roll with a face that I was supposed to recognize.

"I'm sorry Emmett. Is there something in your roll that you don't like? Has someone taken a piece of lettuce?" I tried to find the problem.

He sighed and placed the roll in front of me as he chewed.

I stared at him. "Do you not want your roll?" he shook his head. I grabbed the vile thing and stood up to go to the trash since he was too lazy to do it himself. I started to walk when I felt an arm pull me back. Oh no. no. please no.

"Bella," Emmett swallowed his food and dragged me back to the table. I was in a state of panic but he didn't notice. "I wanted you to have my food. You haven't got any; neither did you have any yesterday."

His arm was still wrapped tightly around my arm and he patted my back like I was some little girl crying. I didn't like it at all but my body was frozen and didn't want to respond to any of my actions. I stared forwards.

* * *

PLEASE READ:

Sorry I can't update much, I'm in rehab but I was thankfully aloud access to the internet this weekend! So yeah :) managed to type this all up for you because I love you so much! :)

Okay, guys I know this is really short but I thought I'd post this because I don't know if anyone even likes this story. If you don't want me to continue then please stay, though I have written a lot of this story in word. I just want to let you know that if you like this story and want me to continue please review…so yeah :) that's me done! x

I'd just like to clear up that the top of this is my life story though both my mom and dad are dead. Mom died in a car crash when I was 10 and I did go anorexic when I was 8 and I did go to a psych ward and I still cut but the only thing that isn't with me now is the panic attacks, the no touching thing and the Anorexic.

My new story :) yes I like writing stories :) as you can see :) my 10th story and my 9th story of Twilight! Yay! Tell me what you think of the chapter :) if anything confuses you I assure that it will make sense in further chapters but if you do wonder please post it as a review and I'll reply. All reviews are welcome :)

God Bless,

Savannah


	4. My Daddy

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life –which hasn't been good. After years of bullying she turns to something that a friend suggests. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan

"Bella?" Rosalie asked in concern.

"Is she okay?" I heard Edward ask from beside me.

I began to shake as I realized they were all surrounding me. My breathing came in slow pants and I closed my eyes.

"Bella? Bella?" Alice called softly.

"Bella, calm down." Jasper said across from me.

I felt Edward move from the side of me. "She's having a panic attack. What caused it though I really don't know." I felt someone wrap their hands on each of my arms. "Bella? Can you open your eyes?"

I slowly opened my eyes and came face to face with Edward's emerald orbs. Tears slid down my face as 2 people were now touching me. I wanted to flea. I wanted to crawl in a ditch and die. Please….

If I could I would be rocking back and forth now but I couldn't because my back was leaning against the bench and Edward was bent in front of me with Emmett and Rosalie on my sides and Alice and Jasper stood behind Edward.

"Deeps breaths Bella." Edward instructed as he squeezed my shoulders. "Like this." He began to take slow, deep breaths.

I couldn't find myself complying. "Mrs. Cope!" I gasped out and my breathing came again.

I needed stability. I needed her to explain to them to let me go. I needed her small comforts that were so like my mothers. I wanted her to tell Ana to stop screaming at me to purge.

"Stop Ana! Stop!" I gasped out and wiped my hand across my forehead.

She didn't. She started to tell me to go to the restroom, to purge the emptiness in my stomach.

Alice quickly rushed off to somewhere and I was guessing it was Mrs. Cope. I was also guessing that Carlisle had taught Edward some medical things, like the basics.

"Who's Ana Bella? Who is she?" Edward asked in that calming voice.

"Ana! She's Ana." I got out.

He nodded. "Yes I know that she's Ana. Who is she Bella? Is she here?" I shook my head. He already knew I was crazy anyway. "Does she go to our school?" that was a hard question; _I _went to school so was she in lessons with me too or was she asleep then? No she wasn't in lessons with me. I shook my head. His expression softened. "Is she in here Bella?" he pointed to his head.

I stared at him. Should I show him? Should I tell him about Ana? Would he tell? Would he call me crazy? A freak? I nodded as tears spilled from my eyes.

"I…want…momma…to tell…her…to go…away…" I gasped out as I tried to breathe. His touch on my skin wasn't that bad now but I still didn't like it.

Before he could respond Mrs. Cope and Alice came running to the bench, both of them out of breath. Mrs. Cope took Emmett's place on the bench. His hand was gone. Yes. She didn't touch me. "Come on Bella dear. It's alright. Time to calm down. Everything's going to be alright. I'm here. Everything's going to go away. Come now Bella. It's okay."

I smiled at her words. _Momma's words…_ I sighed and my breathing slowly dropped into a soothing pattern and I was just seeing Mrs. Cope now. She was calming me. She was good at this.

"Edward sweetie." She spoke softly. "Let Bella go. That's why she's panicking."

Edward looked confused before he quickly dropped his hands and I was free. I was free!

I launched myself up from the bench and crawled under it, feeling the side's envelope me. I was safe under here. The warning bell rang but the siblings and Mrs. Cope didn't move.

"Bella." Mrs. Cope sighed. She was bent down now. "Come on out. I've got your dad on the way here to pick you up. No one's going to touch you sweetheart. Just come on out. We'll give you space." I knew that she wanted to pull me from under here and wrap me into a motherly hug but she didn't, she knew better.

"I didn't know she didn't like to be touched." Emmett whispered. Edward nodded in agreement.

Mrs. Cope shook her head. "It's a long story, I'm sure she'll tell you one day. She's probably afraid you'll call her a freak and leave her like everyone else."

"We would never do that!" Alice looked appalled.

No one replied.

"I don't want to go home with Charlie." I whispered. "I want momma."

"Can't you get her mom?" Alice asked like I wasn't even there.

Mrs. Cope shook her head sadly. "Come on Bella, your dad loves you. You need to go home early; you've had a rough day."

"Tell Ana to go away first…" I whispered. She didn't know exactly who Ana was; she just thought I made her up to get through the attacks.

"I can't tell Ana to do anything honey; that's what you need to do." She smiled.

"BELLA!" I turned to see Charlie running across the parking lot. He saw the group huddling around the bench but then saw me under the bench. "Sweetie what are you doing?"

"hiding." I answered as I moved a little closer to Charlie. I hadn't felt so needy since mom died. I wanted him to actually _hold _me. "Daddy?" I whispered. Here goes nothing; he wouldn't want to hold a stupid fat whale like me.

"Yeah?" he said softly.

"Hold me…" I begged as tears glistened in my eyes. I was ready for him to yell at me, to call me a fat pig but he didn't.

His face flashed from proud to happy to shocked to pride to confused and then finally love. He held out his arms to me as he crouched down.

Mrs. Cope was looking surprised and happy along with everyone else. I hesitated for a few seconds before climbing out from under the bench and collapsing into my dad's arms. I stiffened from the contact at first but his arms wrapped around me so gentle and soothing that I didn't panic because they felt just like moms.

We sat there for what seemed like years and I clung to his police uniform. "I love you." I whispered the words I haven't said to anyone for years.

"As I love you." he replied and a small smile appeared on my face. He was remembering mine and mom's bedtime conversations! We could've written a book about them. I giggled quietly and held onto him.

He laughed. "I knew you'd remember. Now should we get going?"

"I don't want to let you go…" I whispered. Did he want to let me go? Is that why he was trying to tell me that we should go? He didn't really love me did he?

I looked up at him to see him smiling at me. "That's okay sweetie. I'll carry you; you're not that heavy." He rolled his eyes.

Yes I was _that _heavy. I was about to protest when he was pulling himself – and me – up so he could stand. I felt my feet touch the ground but I didn't let go of him. Seconds later he lifted me up into his arms and I leaned my head against his chest.

Maybe this was the day that I would be able to touch Charlie for the rest of my life now. Maybe I was finally able to trust him holding me. Maybe I was able to accept that he wasn't mom and that he still loved me and that he wanted to hug me. His hug wasn't going to wash mom's touch away from my skin….i could let him hold me. I could…

That's why I didn't like people touching me; because I thought their scent and touch would wash away my mom's touch away from my skin. The last thing she had did was cover me with her body, her small frame wrapping around mine like a well deserved hug and I was afraid that it would all be taken away…oh and the part where Lauren nearly killed me back then.

Charlie carried me to his cruiser but then realized that I wasn't letting go anytime soon. He sighed and smiled helplessly at Mrs. Cope.

"I'll drive you Chief Swan!" Edward called running over from the bench. He quickly looked at Mrs. Cope and chewed his lip. "Is that okay?"

"Of course!" she smiled. "Why don't you all take the rest of the day off? Take care of yourself Bella!" she then rushed away and Charlie handed Edward the car keys before climbing into the back with me in his arms.

I didn't know where the rest of the Cullen's went but Edward but the car in gear and we were leaving through the gates of the school.

"Bella?" Charlie interrupted the silence as he held me. He knew not to try and kiss my forehead and run his hands up and down my hair whilst he held me. He was cautious because he was staying still.

I looked up at him, nearly dropping off to sleep.

"Your mom would be so proud of you honey." He whispered.

I smiled as I closed my eyes and rested my head against his chest, trying to fall asleep. _Please be proud of me momma. I'm sorry I'm doing this to you. I'm sorry you can't be here to help me out. I'm sorry if I'm killing myself but I feel it's the best way. I love you momma. Don't give up on me…_

* * *

PLEASE READ:

Okay guys I know I haven't updated hardly any of my stories lately but I have my reasons…I thought finally God had thought, "yes this family has enough heartbreak to deal with." And we'd have a happy ending but…

My little sister (age 14) was born with 2 heart conditions, celiac disease and Cerebral Palsy. She wasn't supposed to reach her 5th birthday. She had a heart transplant in March and we thought she'd be okay. Unfortunately we were wrong. She picked up an infection (22nd May 2011, a day after her 14th birthday) and we didn't know until it was too late. The immunosuppressant's that she was on to stop her heart from rejecting her body weren't working as well because of the infection. When we finally found the infection it was too late, her heart had started rejecting her and her blood was poisoned. She fought for 11 days and was able to hang on for my birthday (31st of May 2011.) She passed away the next day, 1st of June 2011, at 4am… :(

R.I.P Kenna…

We will always remember you.

Always.

This is her memory channel;

http :/ www . youtube . com / user / InMemoryOfKennaKing (remove spaces!)

God Bless,

Savannah


	5. I Love You, Ana

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life –which hasn't been good. After years of bullying she turns to something that a friend suggests. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan

I woke hours later on the couch in the front room with mom's old blanket from her childhood draped over me. I rubbed at my eyes groggily and managed to sit up a little.

I could hear Charlie on the phone in the kitchen. It seemed like he had only just got through to whoever he was calling. "Dr. Cullen?"

Pause.

"Yes this is Charlie Swan."

Pause.

"Um, well you could call it that…"

Pause.

"I was called to the school today with a problem with her. I tried to get from work as soon as possible. When I got to the school she was surrounded by Mrs. Cope and your kids and she was hiding underneath the bench. When I asked her what she was doing she said, 'hiding' and I didn't know what to do for a few seconds before she called me 'Daddy'. She hasn't ever addressed me unless she needed to and it's always 'Charlie'. I asked her what she wanted and she reached up for me and asked me to 'hold her.' I was shocked, scared, worried, confused, happy, everything but I held her and she didn't let me go! Even when we were in the car. I'm really worried about her."

Another pause.

"Well it's just that she fell asleep soon after it and she's sleeping right now. She's been acting strangely lately and I'm afraid that this huge step is going to have a huge effect on her and she's going to get worse or something…"

Pause.

"Thank you Dr. Cullen."

Charlie came into the front room and I pretended to just be waking up.

He smiled at me. "Bella you're up! That's great because Dr. Cullen's on his way over."

I stared at him. "What for?" I whispered.

He quickly sat next to me. I only tensed a little. "Don't worry honey! It's nothing to worry about, it's just after today's events he wants to see if you're okay."

"I'm okay." I said.

He didn't say anything. I just sat up on the couch with my legs crossed under me with a huge blanket around me. I was shaking and my skin was cold. I wasn't okay though; I wanted to purge because I had actually thought dad loved me, I actually thought that wherever mom is that she loved me and I actually thought someone cared.

No one did.

Not long after did Carlisle knock on the door. I was starting to drop off again when he knocked. Charlie smiled at me before he left to get the door.

I just stared ahead as Charlie explained once again how I was doing at the moment out in the hallway before they both came into the room. I could see them from the corner of my eyes but I didn't turn to look.

"Hello Bella." Carlisle greeted me for the 2nd time today. I blinked and turned to look at him with a blank expression. My hands were clenching under the blanket for their tools and Ana was repeatedly begging for the washroom. Couldn't he just get this over with? He slowly came across the room and bent down in front of me but he was quite far back. He wasn't pushing me too far.  
"Hi." I whispered in a quiet voice.

"What happened today?" he smiled. "You took a big step. Am I correct?"

I nodded slowly.

"Over a few hours you've managed to go up a level in this therapy Bella. Everyone's very proud of you." he said quietly.

He stared at me and I sighed. No one was proud of me. I shook my head lightly.

He shook his head back. "Your wrong; their very proud of you Bella."

I looked over to Charlie and he nodded and smiled at me.

I looked back to Carlisle but said nothing. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I couldn't stand life anymore.

Carlisle gave a knowing look to Charlie and he sauntered off to the kitchen again, leaving Carlisle and me alone in the small room.

"Tell me what's wrong Bella." He whispered, dropping his hands so his legs would fall to the floor. He sat crossed legged opposite me.

I shook my head. I couldn't tell him that I wanted to purge or that I wanted to grasp a sharp thing and drag it through my skin. "Dizzy." I just managed to get out. That would do.

He frowned. "Have you been feeling alright lately?"

I paused for a few moments. I wasn't going to tell him the truth but I was never alright. I shook my head.

"Do you feel sick?"

Not physically I didn't, no. It was mentally. I can't believe I actually thought they loved me. I nodded.

He sighed. "Hmm. Alright. Bella to figure out what it is that's making you like this I need to examine you. Will you let me do that?"

Fear crossed over my face. He would need to touch me. But I wanted the sick and tired feeling to go away didn't I? I nodded at Carlisle. I could trust him. He was a doctor.

He smiled with pride in his eyes. "Well done Bella. Just lie back on the couch for me; I need to feel your abdomen to see if anything is causing the dizziness or sickness."

I stared at him for minutes now. He wasn't touching my stomach! It was massive! He'd just criticize me and call me horrible names like everyone else.

"It's alright Bella. It's not going to hurt. I just need to see. I'm a doctor and I'm not going to think anything of it. Go on." He assured.

I sighed and led back. _He's going to see how huge you are soon anyway. He can see it now as he's looking at you. _

He smiled encouragingly and moved so he was kneeling right by the couch. He gently moved my shirt away from my skin without touching me and then he sent me a warning glance before he brought his fingers down onto my belly. I froze and tensed up but his work didn't falter.

He stared down at my stomach in horror and sadness at first and then shock seethed through his features. His hands finally started to feel around my abdomen and he pressed into areas. Feeling my fat. I was tense. "Please…too far…stop…please…" I whispered.

He quickly let go. "Deep breaths Bella. Come on, in and out, in and out…" he sat back against the floor. "Just calm down."

After 7 or 8 minutes I was finally calm again. Carlisle quickly assured me that everything was okay and that it was best to stay off school for a week or so (what the hell?) and then he went off to Charlie.

I could hear them speaking in hushed tones in the kitchen and then they were both coming into the front room again. I closed my sore eyes in tiredness, sighed and then opened my eyes again.

Charlie quickly crossed the room and bent down in front of me. "Sweetie what have you been doing to yourself? Honey?"

I raised my eyebrows at him because I was trying to hide the panic and fear that was welling up inside me. Surely Charlie didn't know about Ana or the cutting? Surely he didn't…

"Bells don't play dumb. You know Bella. You know." He whispered; pain evident on his face.

"About what?" I whispered.

"You. Your skin. What you're doing to yourself Bella."

I just stared at him. He knew about one of them. Oh my…oh no…panic welled up, pushing through to get to the top.

Carlisle came towards me too quickly for my liking and I heard him mutter, "I'm sorry for this Bella." And then Charlie was holding my arms down and Carlisle was pulling up my t-shirt. They were both looking at my stomach. I screamed as loud as I could and Carlisle tried to soothe me, repeatedly apologizing. I didn't stop screaming though.

I heard Charlie gasp in horror at how fat I was before I blacked out.

Ana had been found. _I love you, Ana. But we'll get away. _I thought.

* * *

PLEASE READ:

Yeah sorry its so short, I just don't have the inspiration at the moment :(

But oops, Charlie and Carlisle know about Ana! What will they do? Edward's POV next.

Okay guys I know I haven't updated hardly any of my stories lately but I have my reasons…I thought finally God had thought, "yes this family has enough heartbreak to deal with." And we'd have a happy ending but…

My little sister (age 14) was born with 2 heart conditions, celiac disease and Cerebral Palsy. She wasn't supposed to reach her 5th birthday. She had a heart transplant in March and we thought she'd be okay. Unfortunately we were wrong. She picked up an infection (22nd May 2011, a day after her 14th birthday) and we didn't know until it was too late. The immunosuppressant's that she was on to stop her heart from rejecting her body weren't working as well because of the infection. When we finally found the infection it was too late, her heart had started rejecting her and her blood was poisoned. She fought for 11 days and was able to hang on for my birthday (31st of May 2011.) She passed away the next day, 1st of June 2011, at 4am… :(

R.I.P Kenna…

We will always remember you.

Always.

This is her memory channel;

http :/ www . youtube . com / user / InMemoryOfKennaKing (remove spaces!)

God Bless,

Savannah


	6. In Love!

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life –which hasn't been good. After years of bullying she turns to something that a friend suggests. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Edward Cullen

I pulled the cruiser into the Swan's driveway and got out of the drivers seat. I quietly waited on the pathway as Chief Swan got out of the car with Bella in his arms. I opened the front door for him and he invited me in quietly.

He settled Bella onto the couch in the small front room and draped a huge blanket over her tiny body. "Hang on, I'll be right back." He began. "I'm just going to get a drink. Do you want anything?"

"Just water please." I smiled as he went off to the kitchen.

I quietly sat down on the other end of the couch and stared at Bella as she slept. She was so beautiful. I had never felt how I was feeling now for anyone before. Her skin was a beautiful pale color, her eyes were so deep and brown and her hair was always so pretty and curly. She was like a princess to me. I liked Bella. Probably more than liked her but I wasn't ready to admit that yet.

I didn't care that she didn't like to be touched. I didn't care if she liked to hide away. I didn't care if she didn't talk much. As long as she was alive and well I was okay.

I ran my fingers gently over her cold hands and sighed. This was as close as I could get to touching her. Only in her sleep, when she didn't know people were touching her.

Charlie came back with a glass of water and a beer and settled on the couch opposite. "Thanks for calming her down today." he said.

I shook my head. "It's perfectly okay. I like calming people down and being able to help them."

He smiled happily. "You're a great kid Edward."

"Thank you." I said quietly.

"No really Edward; I'm being serious. You're going to go far." He said as he took a sip of his beer.

I sighed and stood up. "Thanks, I appreciate it." I smiled. "But I'm going to have to go now, Esme expects me home."

He nodded in understanding. "See you around son."

"See you!" I called as I shut the door and walked down the driveway and fell into an even pace up the sidewalk. I reached the long driveway to our house 15 minutes later and it took me another 5 minutes to get to the actual house. I huffed in relief and ran up the porch to the door.

"Hey I'm home!" I called as I paraded into the house.

"In the front room dear!" I heard Esme call out. I still didn't call Carlisle or Esme mom and dad; it was just too much to put forward. I felt like I would be replacing my mom and dad.

I walked into the front room where everyone in the house was occupying and sat next to Emmett as him and Jasper played video games.

After I swapped controls with Jasper and beat Emmett at 3 games Carlisle got a call.

"Yes this is he. Who's speaking? Charlie Swan?" he asked the other person.

Pause.

"Is there some problem Charlie?"

An extra long pause.

"Ah I see. May I ask why that's concerning you?"

Another pause.

"Yes, it very well could have an effect on her. I'll be over as soon as I can."

Pause.

"That's no problem Charlie. Goodbye."

When he placed the phone back down where he found it he quickly rushed off to the kitchen and came back with his medical bag. He quickly kissed Esme. "I'll be back as soon as I can. I just need to go over and check on Isabella"

"Bella." I muttered – which caused eyes to turn and stare at me – and I quickly turned from their stare.

"What?" Emmett said confused.

I sighed and looked at everyone's confused and shocked expressions, except for Carlisle; who was grinning, and explained. "She likes to be called Bella. Everyone that knows her calls her Bella; Charlie, Mrs. Cope, Angela…"

"Why does he have to be the observant one?" Alice muttered just as Carlisle shut the door with a 'thud'.

An anxious and restless 2 hours later Carlisle came through the door rubbing his forehead. That was never good. He looked shocked, frustrated, angered.

"What's the matter!" I nearly yelled. I was concerned for Bella. He was never like this.

He quickly met eyes with me and his face turned grim. "Nothing. Go sit in the front room."

I followed behind him restlessly and paced the room; I couldn't sit in this situation.

"Charlie has agreed for me to tell you why Bella is like she is." he paused and took us all in. we nodded eagerly. "It started when she was 8; she used to isolate herself from the outside world by locking herself in her room. She didn't talk to anyone and only came out to eat with the family or go to school. She didn't like school; she was isolating herself because the kids their called her fat and ugly and other horrible names.

From what Charlie recalls Bella's sudden need to drop the pounds began a little after that. He hadn't noticed till after the danger was made noticed. An average 8 year old should weigh about 57lbs. Bella was 41lbs and little did Charlie and her mom know that she was dropping by the months or even weeks. She thought 41lbs was obese. People only started to notice when she was 37lbs and in severe need for food. She went right down the point where her heart and other organs were failing on her.

After having feeding tubes and other things pushed into her body 3 weeks later she was taken to the local hospital and was put into the psych ward. She found something and cut herself in the ward, finding the feeling 'nice'.

However she managed to get out of the ward at 10. She was still anorexic but about 48lbs and gaining weight more every week. She started to eat liquids with the family and was eventually moved up to the solids. The cutting went down to 4-5 cuts a month.

However her recovery was faltered when her mom passed away in the hospital shortly after the ambulance took her there after a major car crash on December the 15th. She shielded Bella with her body and the impact hit her side; causing internal bleeding and many broken bones. This was months after she had just gotten out of the ward and she was only aloud visitors once a month when in there. You can guess what this was like for her.

At 11 she was finally declared 'healthy' and the Anorexia went away from Bella's life. She doesn't like to be touched because one of the girls who were bullying her wrapped their arms around her neck and she was rushed to hospital from not being able to breathe. Also she was the last person to touch her mom before she died and she feels like if she hugs someone they'll wash her touch away."

We all sat in silence for ages. Bella had had a hard life. Mine hadn't he even been that bad. Dad had been burnt in a fire (which is terrible I know but I was 2) and then mom couldn't cope so at 3 the Cullen's adopted me. Jasper and Rosalie had been 3 then too.

"Poor Bella." Emmett finally said.

Yeah, poor Bella. I didn't say anything, neither did anyone else. The silence was quite comforting for a while until it grew so annoying that I left for my room.

Later on in the day I heard Rosalie following someone out in the hallway. "But dad!" she whined. So it was Carlisle she was stalking. "Just tell me!"

"It's confidential Rosalie." Carlisle's voice carried through to my door.

"But it's for Bella, dad!" she paused. "For Bella."

Carlisle huffed. "Fine. Her name is Lauren Mallory."

"THAT BITCH!" Rosalie screeched. "She's the one that spoke to Bella on our first day. Emmett asked Bella jokingly if she had any food to spare but before she got to say anything Lauren walked past and said 'The ugly cow doesn't bring lunch to school or doesn't buy anything. She probably has a massive binge after it and gets so fat her dad has to pop her.'" Rosalie's voice turned into a higher and false-sweet girly voice as she replayed what Lauren had said.

So Lauren was the one who nearly killed Bella. She was still horrible to Bella to this day. Bella wasn't fully better. Surely she still hurt inside…

The hallway was silent before Rosalie could speak again. She seemed to be on the same line of thoughts as me. "But wait, if Lauren is still doing this bullying to Bella with possibly others Bella isn't better is she? She must still feel sad and upset about Lauren's comments. Surely."

"Rosalie I'll tell you something but you need to keep it to yourself and not tell anyone." Carlisle hissed.

I heard Rosalie agree before silence filled my room and I heard nothing but Esme singing from her room.

I opened the door to my room to see Rosalie's slim form disappear around the corner though I knew better not to eavesdrop outside dad's office.

Instead of turning left up to his office I turned right and headed down the stairs and into the front room where Alice and Jasper were watching Titanic. Alice and Jasper were the closest siblings apart from Rosalie and Jasper since they were twins. Normally I would've gone off to the yard or something to relax but today I went in and sat down opposite them.

They noticed the change in me immediately even though I tried not to show that something was worrying me.

"Edward?" Alice said in concern and froze the TV. "What's wrong? Is everything okay?"

"Bella." I said simply, shaking my head. "She's making me feel different, a feeling I can't even describe." I wrinkled my nose in frustration. I couldn't put a finger on what emotion it was whenever I saw her.

Alice was staring at me in awe and Jasper looked proud but restricted with his emotions; like he was hiding something.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I questioned Alice; whenever Alice looked at you like that it was time for you to worry.

"Do you get this tingly feeling?" she asked and I nodded. "Do you feel like you'd do anything for her?" another nod. "Do you get all hot just thinking about her?" I nodded. "Do you just want to sweep her up into a huge hug and tell her that touching isn't going to hurt her?" I sighed and nodded. How the hell did she do this?

"How do you know that?" I narrowed my eyes at my little sister with caution.

She and Jasper both rolled their eyes. "Isn't it obvious!" when she didn't get a reply from me she spoke again. "Your in love!" she gushed, jumping from the couch and clapping happily.

No, I couldn't be in love. I simply couldn't be in love.

* * *

Woop…what do you think? :)

Okay guys I know I haven't updated hardly any of my stories lately but I have my reasons…I thought finally God had thought, "yes this family has enough heartbreak to deal with." And we'd have a happy ending but…

My little sister (age 14) was born with 2 heart conditions, celiac disease and Cerebral Palsy. She wasn't supposed to reach her 5th birthday. She had a heart transplant in March and we thought she'd be okay. Unfortunately we were wrong. She picked up an infection (22nd May 2011, a day after her 14th birthday) and we didn't know until it was too late. The immunosuppressant's that she was on to stop her heart from rejecting her body weren't working as well because of the infection. When we finally found the infection it was too late, her heart had started rejecting her and her blood was poisoned. She fought for 11 days and was able to hang on for my birthday (31st of May 2011.) She passed away the next day, 1st of June 2011, at 4am… :(

R.I.P Kenna…

We will always remember you.

Always.

This is her memory channel;

http :/ www . youtube . com / user / InMemoryOfKennaKing (remove spaces!)

God Bless,

Savannah


	7. Scared for the Future

Secrets That Kill

Summary:Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer:I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Edward Cullen.**  
**

Bella wasn't in school for the whole week. The girl called Angela – who only knew a little of Bella – was the one to take us to our lessons and Mrs. Cope at the end of the day. She was nice and easy to get along with but she wasn't Bella. She couldn't make me smile like Bella could. Bella was different and unique I guess.

"…So this is the gym as you probably know." Angela carried on with her introductions to each room. "You've probably had gym by now so yeah that's the gym." She shrugged and faced us. "That's all of the rooms."

We all smiled and followed her back to the cafeteria with me walking alongside Rosalie – who was 9 months and 10 days older than me. Since Monday – 2 days ago – she's been jumpy, quiet and not her usual self. We have all questioned her about it but she keeps brushing us off, saying that it's nothing and that she's fine.

I knew she wasn't. Something was worrying her and she wouldn't tell me.

As we took our usual seats around the table in the cafeteria Alice was the first to begin conversation. "So, do you know where Bella is?"

Everyone had been asking where Bella was except for Rosalie. How could she be so cold hearted?

Angela shook her head sadly. "I'm not sure, her dad said that she wasn't feeling so well lately so he's keeping her home; Bella gets very sick easily."

"That probably explains why Dad keeps going around the Swan's all the time then." Emmett said as he shoveled 6 chips into his mouth. He looked like he knew something though.

"Bella can't be _that_ sick. Dad goes around there early in the morning, at lunch time and then just before tea and sometimes near bedtime." I said, confused as to why Dad has a sudden urge to go around their house.

Angela swirled her fork in her pasta. "Trust me, Bella can be _that_ sick. You didn't see her at the start of last year." She shook her head as if she was shaking away bad thoughts.

Lunch went quickly after that but lessons without Bella were slow. Very slow. She wasn't there giving me shy smiles or looks and so all I was receiving now was the horny looks of Jessica and Lauren and their fake faces of make-up. It was gross.

"Sooo Eddie." Lauren said, leaning on my desk as she batted her eyelashes. "Got anything planned for this Saturday?" She smiled – in a way in which I think was supposed to be attractive.

"Yes I have actually Lauren." I said back in the same tone. "I'm going to visit Bella." I smiled. Did I just say that? Ah well, I liked Bella and I was aloud to say what I wanted. I really _did_ want to visit Bella.

Lauren's face fell but then turned to that of pure rage. "Her? You're going to see that selfish brat? She's a fat pig! You need to be with someone like me! Bella's a slut!"

I was appalled with what she had just said about Bella. I didn't like Lauren altogether; she had nearly killed Bella. "What? I need to be with someone like you?" she nodded eagerly. "Well I don't think that's fair, I mean you did nearly kill Bella before; strangled her until she had to be rushed to hospital because she couldn't breathe, and you're calling Bella a brat? Have you not looked in the mirror lately?"

Her face turned to a bright red in anger. "How dare you!" she hissed and stalked off to her seat.

Finally the dismissal bell rang and I met up with my siblings and we drove back home. Carlisle's car was in the driveway but it looked like Esme was out, probably shopping for the garden.

As soon as we got through the door Rosalie went off to the computer – like she always seems to be doing – and Alice went to look at fashion magazines, Emmett and Jasper went to play some video games and I went into the front room to see was Carlisle was up too.

He was occupying the table in the front room with all his medical equipment surrounding him. I sat opposite him and ran my hands over the IV pump. "How's Bella?"

Carlisle looked up from his fiddling tiredly. "She's stable." He spoke no further.

I stared at him. "Stable?" I repeated. "You're talking as if she's fighting for her life!"

"She's not in good condition, Edward. Bella picks up infections and illnesses very easily and they have huge effects on her." He stated.

I sighed loudly. "But that's my point. She hasn't got an infection has she? It's something more Carlisle, I know it is."

He closed his eyes for a brief moment. "Edward, I can't tell you; it's confidential but I'll tell you, Edward; she's doing okay. Charlie and I are looking after her."

Frustrated that I hadn't gotten anywhere with Carlisle I left for my room and fell into a deep sleep at just 5pm. I didn't know why because I wasn't even tired but I woke up around 7pm anyway for some tea before settling to do my homework.

Bella Swan

I awoke from my faint only minutes later. Charlie was crying and holding me at which I started to panic at. He eventually let me go, realizing that I didn't like the contact, and I shuffled into the couch.

They knew about Ana.

"Bella…" Charlie said, reaching out for me.

Tears dripped down my face. "Don't Charlie…please don't…I…"

Carlisle - who I had only just noticed was still here - sat down next to my dad on the opposite couch. "Bella I need to let you know that you're very sick. You might not know it but everyone would agree with us."

"Am I dying?" I said with a dead voice, though inside I was hopeful.

Carlisle stared at me for a few moments. "Very slowly, Bella. We need to get you healthy again."

Yes! My world was eventually going to end from some disease and it wasn't even my fault! "What have I got?" I said, trying to make my voice sad.

"Anorexia." Charlie said, causing me to look from Carlisle to him.

Carlisle nodded grimly. "Anorexia Nervosa."

Those 2 words sent my world crashing down. It was like everything was blurring around me but I wasn't going to faint; I was just blocking everyone out.

I didn't listen much as Carlisle informed Charlie that my 'illness' was back and that he'd do anything he could to make me better again.

I didn't bother listening anymore; I had heard it all before. I didn't need another reminder of my stupid life.

At least they didn't know about the cutting. That was a secret, for now.

I felt someone wrap their arms around me and carry me up the stairs but I didn't react; my body was numb. I didn't have the strength to push the person away. The panic didn't come but I knew when I could feel again the panic would come back.

I was lowered onto something soft and I knew that it was my bed. I didn't react as the covers were pulled up over me and then another person sat down on the other side of the bed.

So Charlie and Carlisle were both in my room. Just great.

Good job I had hid the food and weight loss books under the floorboard and cleaned my tools and put them safely in their locked box earlier today.

"Can you leave me alone?" I said through gritted teeth, trying with all my might to feel at least _something._

"Bella, you need to talk to us." I heard Carlisle say but he didn't make any attempt to touch me.

"I don't need to talk!" I fumed angrily. I only got angry on rare occasions and trust me; no one wanted to see me angry.

Someone sighed. I was guessing it was Charlie. "I think we should leave her; she isn't going to talk…not yet anyway. Can we try tomorrow?"

Yes! Rock on Charlie! _Please__ say __that__ you__'__ll__ leave __it__ until__ tomorrow!_

Carlisle sighed and the pressure from my bed was gone as he stood up. "Alright. I need to go home now; the kids are probably worrying where I am. Can I speak to you downstairs?" He asked.

I heard the 2 exit the room and my door slam shut. I quickly got up and pushed aside the thin piece of clothing covering my cuts and scars.

I dropped my feet onto the floor quietly and headed to the floorboard. I lifted it up and found the tiny key before shuffling across the floor on my hands and knees so I was in front of the tightly locked box. I got the gold key and shoved it into the lock, pulling the first box open. I then took the silver key and continued onwards until 2 more boxes were unlocked. See? I was very prepared though it was hell sometimes when I desperately needed to cut. I grabbed the sharpener blade and sat back against the wall, making sure the cloth was by my side.

I took the edge of the blade very carefully in my fingertips and scraped it across a blank space on the top of my right arm. I pressed down and gave pressure as I drew the blade across my skin.

When the sharp pain came I dropped the blade to the floor and shoved the cloth over the new cut. It would take a while to stop bleeding.

Knotting the cloth around my arm I picked up the blade and washed it with a wet wipe – which I quickly hid under some things in the trash – and put it back in the box and locked everything up. I'd put the cloth under the floorboard.

_That__ cut__ was__ for__ our__ idiotic __behavior__ Ana._I thought mentally.

Ana grunted in response. She wasn't happy at all. She was scared and upset that people had found out about her. She was a shy but very stubborn person. She was telling me to hide but I couldn't hide from this. Not ever.

I didn't go to dinner 2 hours later, at 9pm. Charlie had called me but I didn't reply. When he came up to my room and hammered on the door I didn't come out. I didn't know why he even bothered trying to get in through the locked door. It was pointless. And he couldn't climb up the pipe outside; I'd locked my window. I wasn't _that_ stupid.

"Bella." Charlie sighed on the other side. "I suggest you come out right now. You need to eat."

"Haven't you been listening to anything today?" I shot back.

That got him to shut up. After that I didn't hear anything apart from him sauntering back downstairs and then heading back up at around 12am for bed.

I didn't fall asleep till a little after 1am. Not that it bothered me anyway; I wasn't going to be going to school. Carlisle had said for me to keep off school for a week. Why on Earth would he do that? To watch me? To make me feel lonely? Why did everyone on this planet have to hate me?

I cried myself to sleep that night, clutching my only teddy to my chest the whole time. I didn't want to live another day. I was scared for tomorrow, I was scared about living, and I was scared for what was to come.

* * *

Poor Bella...I've been through this...not exactly the best thing in world!

May God bless you all and give you strength this week! :) Off to see Breaking Dawn later ;D So can't wait! So excited now! 2 hours to go! :) Anyone seen it yet?


	8. Cullen Kids

Secrets That Kill

Summary:Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer:I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

The next day

Bella Swan

My alarm clock went off at 6am the next day since that was the usual time I got up for school. I ignored it and threw it on the floor. I was never going to get up off this bed.

Not if Ana had her way. And I was on her side.

Just like I expected Charlie came battering on the door at 6:30am; probably wondering why I hadn't got up and gone downstairs. He was normally in work but I guess he was taking the day off today. He probably would for the rest of the week that I was off school.

I ignored his continuous knocking – despite how annoying and hard it was –and eventually he moved and headed downstairs.

I quickly untied the blood soaked cloth from my arm and hid it under the floorboard. I knew it was dirty but I couldn't just go out and buy one right now. I'd have to wait.

I don't think Charlie would be letting me out of his sight for a while.

I put on a pair of sweatpants and threw one of my Simple Plan hoodies over my head before quickly running a brush through my hair and then I hurried to brushed my teeth. Thank God I had a small washroom in my bedroom!

I didn't know why I rushed it all. I guess it was routine.

I could hear Charlie yapping away to someone on the phone in a rushed voice downstairs but I ignored it as I looked myself over in the mirror with disgust.

Before I could make myself sick I shook away the feeling of being hungry and sat back down on my bed.

At 8:30am there was a knock on the door and Carlisle's voice soon followed. So Charlie had been asking him to come over the house when he was on the phone, then.

Figures.

There was a soft knocking at the door and I knew it certainly wasn't Charlie's; He was much louder and fiercer.

"Bella?" Carlisle's velvety voice called out from behind the door. "Are you okay in there sweetheart?"

Who had told him that he was aloud to call me _sweetheart?_ I mean come on! He was my _doctor!_ Just…err. I was so angry. If it wasn't for him, Ana and I would be okay right now.

"I'm fine!" I yelled as angry tears came streaming down my cheeks. "I told everyone I was fine! Now go away!" I yelled.

"I don't want to go away." Carlisle said truthfully. "I'm here to help you. I know how you f-"

I cut him off in anger. "You do not understand how I feel right now! You have no idea whatsoever!" I cried as my voice quivered.

He sighed. "Just let me in. We can just talk about how you feel and noting else. I promise."

"Just you?" I asked. I wasn't ready to face Charlie right now.

"Yes, just me." He promised and then he spoke much quieter. "Go on Charlie, she'll come around."

I heard Charlie retreat down the stairs so I slowly unlocked the door and retreated to my bed.

Carlisle smiled warmly at me as he stepped through the door and closed it gently behind him. It was then that I noticed he was carrying a black medical bag.

Oh shit.

I pulled my knees to my chest as I sat on my bed with a hint of fear in my eyes. He wasn't going to touch me. I wouldn't let him.

He took a seat in the rocking chair that belonged to my grandma. "So how have you been doing since last night?" He asked with a real smile. He liked giving smiles.

"Fine." I shrugged and looked away from his innocent face. If I kept looking at him I'd spill everything to him.

"I hope you don't mind but Charlie agreed with me that it was best for my children to know your story. Now don't get that horrified look, none of them know that you're Anorexia is back except for Rosalie but she won't breathe a word, she knows what you've been through. I've come to help you. I'll be here every morning, every dinner time and evening to check on you and sometimes at night. I'll be here if you need to talk and anything you say will be confidential unless it puts you in danger." He replied with another smile.

"I don't need to talk to anyone." I said weakly. "I'm perfectly fine."

He shook his head sadly. "You're not Bella. Look I'll make a deal with you, for the whole week if you try as much as you can to eat, I'll consider treating you through house calls and stopovers at my house until you get better. If you fail to comply with what I do in the next few days it's up to Charlie to admit you to a clinic again."

I stared at him. I didn't want to take any of those options but option 1 was better than option 2. Maybe I'd pretend to get better and hide the food from him too. Yep, that'd work.

I smiled softly at him. Here goes nothing. "No, I'm not going to a clinic. Can we give your tactics a try?" I whispered. I didn't know if I was convincing enough. I silently began to panic but that soon disappeared as a huge smile spread across his face.

"Wonderful!" He said loudly. He opened his black bag. "I think we should start with the IV. You need to get your nutrients in you." he smiled.

Oh shit! An IV! He was going to pump food into me! Just great. Couldn't they just give me a meal and then that'd be it?

I hid my fear as he pulled a small IV pump out of his bag along with a clear bag of liquid.

"I don't like needles." I whispered.

He chuckled. "Hmm. Well I'll make it quick; I promise." He came to sit on the side of me and my body tensed up. He quickly took my hand before I had time to panic and stuck the needle into my vein. He then connected the IV up to bag and hung it by my bed once the clear protector was covering the site.

I was hyperventilating at this point. He had done it so fast that my fear all welled up when he was done.

He carefully knelt down in front of me and started to take deep breaths. "Bella you need to calm down. Breathe with me, deep breaths. In, Out, In, Out. I'm not going to hurt you. I didn't hurt you. Come on."

My breathing slowed down and my eyes focused again. "I'm sorry…" I cried as tears rolled down my face.

He shook his head and sat back. "Now the IV might be a bit itchy and annoying but it needs to stay put. You need all of the nutrients in it. I just wanted to ask you something. I know that you don't have a close female around you so my wife was wondering if she could come around some time. Spend some time with you, she won't touch you. She knows about you're panic attacks."

Surprising myself with my answer I smiled a little. "I'd like that. Thank you. But my house is really boring. It's nothing to do…" I shrugged. I desperately wanted to yank the IV from my hand.

Carlisle seemed thoughtful. "Well maybe you could come around our house tomorrow? The kids will be at school and I'll be able to check on you but you can spend the day with Esme. She's my wife."

I was actually a little excited about meeting Esme. I never liked meeting new people but Carlisle was amazing and so kind and all his kids were – even though I showed them all I was a horrible person – so why shouldn't I give it a try?

I nodded eagerly and he smiled, heading downstairs to ask Charlie.

I stared at the IV and then back up at the bag. I couldn't just pull it out, Carlisle would be checking later. Could I vomit that stuff up? Maybe I could ask to go to the toilet after it was done pumping me with the vile stuff and try to heave it up.

I didn't do much after Carlisle was gone. I just sat in my room and pondered on the things that were now falling a part. Ana had been found. Everyone knew about me. I was getting nutrients pumped into me and I was getting fatter by the second. Why did the world have to be so hateful?

Charlie came up once or twice to ask if I was alright but he never got past the door since it was locked. I hated trapping him out but I couldn't deal with him right now.

At 12:30pm there was another knock on the door and by what time it was I was guessing it was Carlisle. I could hear him talking to Charlie on his way up and then he was rattling on the door knob. He sighed like he did before. "Bella."

I sighed, grabbed the IV pole, and flung open my bedroom door.

There was no sign of Charlie.

Carlisle came in smiling at me, carrying nothing but his black bag. He followed the thin tube right up to my hand and smiled again. "It's nice to see you following along, Bella."

_Haha. Yeah, for a while, until I go to the toilet and purge it all out._

"Mmm." Was all I could respond with. Did they seriously think I was going to have the IV in me and then I'd get better? As far as I was concerned, I wasn't even sick!

"So have you been up to anything fun?" Carlisle asked, setting his back down on the side of him as he sat down in the rocking chair.

I raised one of my eyebrows at him and snapped. I couldn't help it, it just happened sometimes. "Does it look like it?"

He seemed a little shocked by my behavior but then quickly composed himself. "Alright then, I suppose that was a silly question. Oh and why don't you sit down? You don't need to stand up."

I quickly turned. How could I just stand in my own bedroom like a freak? I was about to lift my foot up but thanks to my horrible balance it collided with the IV line and I was dragged to the floor, the carpet grazing my nose. I felt a sharp sting in my hand as the IV was yanked off my skin.

Arms quickly wrapped around my waist and I was set back onto my feet.

I blushed as I realized Carlisle had helped me back up. "I'm sorry." I said, looking at the floor.

He laughed and guided me to my bed. "I'm sure you wouldn't like to be reacquainted with the floor again."

"No, not practically anytime of forever." I suddenly froze as I took into account that Carlisle had touched my waist and had guided me along to my bed. My breathing fell out of its even pattern and that this time Carlisle decided to take my hand again and insert a new IV. Gosh.

My breathing spiked again but he moved back to the rocking chair, leaving me lying limp on my bed. "Bella." He began and started to go through the calming exercise he'd done so many times before with me.

I found myself able to relax a lot quicker every time I had one. Eventually my breathing sunk back down to an even pattern but I didn't move from my position on the bed. "This sucks." I grumbled quietly – not intending for it to be heard by Carlisle.

He chuckled quietly. "Hmm. It does. You know you can actually unlock the door and go downstairs. No ones stopping you."

He stumped me like a tree on Sunday morning. Damn doctor. He was right though, I could go out of that door if I wanted too. Guess I was too chicken to even think about it.

I seemed to be in my day dream for a while because Carlisle gently pushed the bed with his foot. "Bella, you know you can talk to me about anything; not just as your doctor but as a family friend too. I'm always here if you need anyone."

I tore my eyes from the plain floor and looked into his blue eyes. "Yeah sure."

He studied me with scrunched eyes. "There's something worrying you. Can I tell you something Bella?" He didn't even give me chance to respond. "Charlie loves you very much, he's helped you through the hardest times in your life; you've got only a few favorite memories together that you managed to get in through the tough times, and I'm sure he wants to make more memories. He's been going out of his mind since he found out about the illness coming back. He just wants to see you, to hold you but he can't hold you. Just let him see you Bella, just give him that. Being a father myself I know that not being able to see your child is a living hell, trust me I know it more than any other parent. Maybe Esme will share our story one day."

I stared at him. "I'm sorry." I said as tears slid down my eyes. "I'm so selfish! I just don't want to see anyone! I want to hug someone, for them to tell me its going to be okay, for no one to judge me because of this," I gestured to my body. "I want to feel loved but my stupid body won't allow me to take comfort from people I love! You don't understand!" I buried my face down onto my covers and started to shake from the longing to hug someone. Just anyone.

I could tell Carlisle was having a hard time on not grabbing me and holding me in his arms. "You're not selfish Bella. Yesterday was a hard day for you and we're all prepared to help you. We just hope that you'll grow close enough to someone that you'll allow them to touch you. Like you did with Charlie for a while yesterday."

I really wished that; that I'd be able to touch someone without panicking. Heck, I'd wanted that since the panic attacks first started.

"I don't want to wait until tomorrow to meet Esme." I whispered quietly as the tears began to fall.

Carlisle smiled. "I'll go and ask Charlie if it's okay for you to come around our house now." He got up from the chair and headed downstairs.

I got up quickly – making sure the IV line wasn't in my way – and reached to lock the door. No one could get in now.

I had lied when I had said that a few moments ago. I mean I did want to meet Esme as soon as possible – which was strange – but I had just wanted Carlisle to go from my room.

I pulled the IV with me and unconnected it from the bag, I mean I wasn't going to pull the thing out of my hand; he'd have to put another one in.

I stepped towards my huge window and pulled it wide open. I pulled myself up onto the pane and stood up. My legs shook from being so high. The ground didn't look so appealing now. I clutched the sides of the window and leaned out. The air was cold and I could see the neighbor opposite look out of her upstairs window. She had seen me but I didn't pull back. She gasped in horror and disappeared somewhere. Minutes later she was running towards our house. "Bella honey!" She yelled as she was in the yard now. "What are you doing? Get down from there!"

I took a step closer to the ledge. I mean she did just tell me to get _down._

"No!" she suddenly held her hands up. "Go backwards! Into your bedroom honey!" I saw her look towards the front door and then huge footsteps made their way down the path. It was Charlie.

He stared up at me in horror. "Honey no! Go back inside. You don't want to do this."

Just as he said it, there was hammering on my bedroom door. Carlisle. "Bella let me in! This is dangerous. One move and you're dead! Do you hear me?" He wasn't angry, he was scared.

I was too scared to move, though. I was the clumsiest person ever! Neighbors were beginning to crowd around and I saw a few kids from school. Great, I had to go and make a scene. Even the Cullen kids stopped their car when they saw the huge crowd.

To my surprise the only people in the car were Emmett and Rosalie.

They quickly got out and followed everyone's gaze to me. They gasped.

Rosalie was the one that gave me a knowing look. "Bella you do not want to do this!" She yelled up at me in understanding. Like she _knew_ how all of this felt.

I closed my eyes and thought over it for a second. My death would crush Charlie. Just as I was about to step back something cracked underneath me. I quickly looked down to see my foot slip from the piece of plastic. My hand swung around to grasp the edge of the window and I held on, my one foot on the ledge. I didn't want to do this anymore. I started to cry; which made it harder for me to see.

"Oh God!" Someone yelled but I didn't look down, _I__ couldn__'__t_ because I knew I'd let go.

Just as another crack went and I felt the ledge pulling off very slowly, Carlisle came barging through my door, ripping the lock as he went.

He flung himself towards me without even stopping to think about the contact and was suddenly leaning over the window. He looked up at me and held out his hand. "Bella come on. In we come."

Tears fell down my eyes but I couldn't take his hand; I'd fall. "No!" I wailed. "I'll fall! I'll fall!"

He quickly realized this and apologized for touching me before he wrapped his arms around the bottom of legs - just under my thighs - and pulled me through the window.

Surprisingly I didn't even have a panic attack! I think I was too overwhelmed with the shock of what I'd just nearly done.

Carlisle grasped my shoulders lightly. "Promise me you won't do that again Bella." He said, oblivious to that he was holding me.

"I promise." I gasped between sobs.

He quickly let me go and gave me a small smile. "You didn't panic."

I just stared at him numbly as Charlie and the opposite neighbor came rushing into my room. "Bella!" Charlie said loudly and I flinched at his voice. "You scared the hell out of me!" then he turned to our neighbor. "Thank you Sally for letting me know, I wouldn't have even thought of her doing it."

Sally smiled. "It's perfectly alright Charlie." She then looked over to me. "Stay well honey." Before she turned and walked away.

Charlie sighed in frustration at me. "What were you thinking?" he yelled.

I saw Carlisle shake his head at him out of the corner of my eye; signaling to him to stop with his rant.

Charlie quickly looked at Carlisle before apologizing at me for shouting. "Carlisle, can you please take her to your house? I need to calm down." His hands curled into fists as he stalked out of the room and down the stairs.

Carlisle picked up the IV bag and gently got his medical bag. He got to the door and stared at me. "Come on Bella, sweetheart." He said and I quickly followed him.

"I don't want to go outside." I whispered with fear evident in my voice. They were all out there after seeing my little stunt.

He smiled sadly at me. "Would you like to hide under my coat?"

Minutes later I felt like a super star – even though I wasn't – because Carlisle had thrown his huge black coat over my head and shoulders so no one could see my face as he guided me outside and into his car. It felt like a famous person hiding from the paparazzi! Of course, I wasn't famous and never would be.

I heard him talk to his kids. "Emmett, can you drive Bella to the house? Rosalie go with him, I need to talk to the other kids at the school; make up an excuse why I called you here."

I'm guessing he trusted Emmett and Rosalie because he had picked them to come.

I still had the coat over my head as I sat in the back with my safety belt undone. Emmett slid into the driver's side and started the car as Rosalie slid in beside me, though there was a seat in the middle of us.

She smiled at me, not with sympathy; which I was thankful for, and did up my belt – all without touching me – and then sat back. "I'm here if you ever need to talk." She whispered quietly as we drove through the streets.

She held out her hand on the spare seat in between us.

I hesitated before lowering my hand into hers. Once again to my surprise I didn't panic. She squeezed my hand in support and I didn't let her hand go at all. Wow.

I was wondering how they were home if it was only 1:30pm. School didn't finish until 3pm.

I looked out of the window only to remember that people were still turning back to go to their houses. I quickly turned away and ducked my head under the coat some more.

Rosalie laughed quietly. "Carlisle has tinted windows. You can look out but they can't see in. You're fine."

I smiled thankfully but kept my head under the coat.

I watched Emmett most of the way to the Cullen house. He didn't even look once at me through his side mirror. He just focused on his driving. I _knew _that he _knew_ about me. I could tell. I don't know how but I just did. He didn't act differently around me though. That was strange.

* * *

Well yeah...I just had to write something. I've been slipping "away" lately from social life...So...I had the urge to write something. I picked this story for some odd reason...

I hope you all stay well, and keep your spirits high. Have a wonderful CHRISTmas and be thankful for what you have.

Longer chapter; expecting more reviews.

Savannah

x


	9. Rosalie's Personal Soul

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan

With what seemed like hours we finally arrived at the house. It was _huge, _and I think even that word was an understatement. It was the most gigantic, massive, spacious and just…fancy house I'd ever seen! It was beautiful! It was very open too. Large windows scattered most of the front wall and the door was made up of clear glass. Wow.

Rosalie smiled at my reaction and got out of the car, holding the door open for me to scatter myself out. I kept the coat over my head as I got out and stood awkwardly on the path.

Emmett got out seconds later and grinned at me, before racing up the gravel and in through the front doors.

Rosalie laughed and rolled her eyes before gesturing for me to follow.

It was like they hadn't just witnessed my suicide attempt. They were treating me like I was a normal girl.

I followed Rosalie up the path and into the house without saying a word. After turning a corner – once we passed the spiral-gapped stair case – we were greeted by Emmett and a woman.

I'm guessing she was Esme. She was quite short, standing at around 5'4" with caramel colored hair and warm, brown eyes. She was wearing a glittery black top that drooped down over her shoulders neatly with a pair of black trousers. To be honest she looked like someone going out on a date with the black flower clip pinning the right side of her hair back from her face. She stepped forward when she saw me; as if to greet me. She did look a little surprised to find me with her husbands coat on my head though. "You must be Bella! It's so good to finally meet you!" Like the rest of them she was drop-dead gorgeous.

"It's nice to meet you too." I smiled, only weakly.

We stood in awkward silence for a while before Emmett grinned. "Whilst we waiting for Carlisle let me show you my room, Bella!" he bounced excitedly on the spot.

I sighed and followed him since he was already setting off for the stairs. We walked past 4 doors until he stopped outside one with space ships and glow in the dark stars stuck on it. I'm guessing it was his room since he opened the door and walked in.

The walls were a dark blue with the glow in the dark stars dotted around it. The curtains had spaceships on them and there was all the planets dangling from the black ceiling. Thankfully his bed was plain with a white cover over it.

It was like I'd stepped into a 10 year old's room.

"What do you think?" He asked excitedly.

"Well, it's defiantly different but I like it." I shrugged.

He beamed. "You're like the first! Everyone goes on about how childish it is." He pouted.

"I don't think it's childish." I replied honestly. "I mean it's how you want it to be. You're room is like your other half; it has to be how you want it not what others want it to be."

He smiled happily. "You're exactly right."

We looked around his room for a little bit as he showed me bits of his stuff, but then I saw the un-connected IV in my hand.

"Um, may I use your washroom?" I asked.

He stopped in the middle of telling me about his new car set and nodded. "If you exit the room, take the left corridor and it's just on the end."

I nodded and followed his directions. I managed to find the washroom after tiptoeing the whole way; just in case Carlisle was already here. If he caught me going to the toilet he'd defiantly know something.

I slid the lock in place quietly and knelt down onto the cold floor. I pressed my 2 fingers down the back of my throat slowly and quietly and then purged. It was pretty silent since I was now able to control it from doing it for so long.

A horrid looking clear/yellowish color liquid came pouring out of my mouth, which I was guessing was the intravenous fluids. (**A/N okay, I don't even know if you can purge it up but just go with it.)**

8 minutes later it had all come out, splurging out of my mouth like a volcano. Thankfully it all went into the toilet. Now this was the hard part. I got up and gently held my hand on the flush button. I carefully pressed it down so it wouldn't make such a loud noise. It didn't end up sounding that loud so I made my way back to Emmett's room.

He was sat on his bed waiting patiently – for what I was guessing – me. He waved when I came in. "So what shall we do while we wait for dad to get back?" He mused.

"We could go down and see Rosalie and Esme." I suggested.

He smiled and nodded. "Alright let's go."

When we reached the stairs Emmett slid down the banister (which got him a scolding from Esme) and skidded across the polished floor (which got him another scolding).

Eventually we reached Rosalie in the front room who was watching some program on TV.

She waved when we entered and moved over so I could sit on the couch. I did, leaving a space between us.

Emmett seemed to know better and went to sit on the other couch.

The silence was quite awkward at first but I began to get used to it and settled into the chair.

But then just as I was starting to relax, Carlisle came in through the door with his infamous black medical bag. Thankfully none of the other Cullen kids were trailing in behind him.

He kissed Esme on the cheek softly and then smiled at me proudly. Okay. He wouldn't be proud if he'd known what I'd just done in his toilet.

He came to sit on the same couch as Emmett and Esme, and they all started talking. All but me.

Until my cell buzzed off in my pocket. Without looking at the caller ID I answered. "Hello? Bella Swan."

"Yes! So it is the right number!" A male voice came over the speaker.

My brow knotted in confusion. "Um...Right who is this?"

"Oh sorry! My voice sounds different now I bet. It's Seth! Seth Clearwater!"

"SethBear?" I whispered. I couldn't believe it. Seth had been my best friend growing up; he'd held my hand through my first 2 weeks in the clinic. Then he had to move away to Chicago.

He chuckled. "Yep that's he. How're you been holding up, kiddo?" He used my dads nickname.

I sighed. "I'm not a kid. I'm older than you. I'm doing fine, man, not as good as when you left but alright."

"Are you sure? Bells…" He was pressuring me; there was an edge to his voice.

I couldn't lie to him. "No, I'm not alright. Not at all. They won't let me do _it _SethBear…"

Realization hit him. "No! Bella no! No doing that! I'm on my way right now. God, please don't, I want to hear that heart of yours right now."

"Well, I'm talking to you so that means I'm breathing. And how the hell are you on your way here?"

"Charlie told me everything." He said quietly.

"I'll ring you back. I gotta do something." I sighed and ended the call.

Everyone in the room was staring at me but I ignored them and pressed button 1 on speed dial.

"Hey Dad." I said sourly.

He was oblivious to my tone. "Bella! What's the matter? Did you try to kill yourself again? If you did…" he warned.

I frowned even though he couldn't see it. "Thanks for thinking so little of me. No, you know what I'm going to tell you if I mention his name. Seth. Seth Clearwater."

He sighed. "I'm sorry Bells, it's just it's been so hard hearing the news all over again…I just never thought it'd be back; you're my little girl. I rung Seth because you used to be so close, he can help you Bells…"

I didn't know what to say to that. I couldn't say anything to that. "I'm sorry…alright…"

"Alright. I gotta go Bells; I'm meeting Seth at the airport." Then he hung up.

I couldn't believe he hadn't informed me that Seth was coming, especially if he was coming today.

I frowned for a few seconds before looking back up at everyone. They had all grew quiet to listen to me and I hadn't even noticed it.

Emmett beamed and jumped up and down eagerly in his seat. "Is Seth awesome? Can he play soccer? Does he like lacrosse? Does he like video games?"

"Um, I'm only one person. Um, yeah Seth is pretty amazing. I'm not sure; I haven't seen him in a while though he used to like watching soccer, no, he doesn't like lacrosse, well not that I know of, and yes he likes video games." I tried to remember what Emmett had asked me; hoping I'd got it right.

"We are so gonna be the best of friends!" Emmett cheered happily before running out to the backyard, dragging Rosalie along with him.

Carlisle finally settled his gaze on me and went through his black bag; pulling out the IV bag of fluid and then going off to get an IV pole. "I'm sorry Bella; I hope you won't have to have it put in again." He then started to make his way to me; I knew he was going to touch me.

The scream I was ready to produce got trapped in my throat as he took my hand and joint the long tube into my IV. He then hung the bag on the pole and settled it behind the couch.

The panic rose from the tips of my feet right up to my head. I started to shake as my breathing changed again.

Esme – bless her – looked completely horrified and lost. She didn't know what to do. Her hands were fluttering all over the place as she stood rooted to the ground.

Carlisle took me through the calming down exercises (I swear if I had another panic attack he'd go crazy!) and eventually I was able to calm down.

But the day had been so emotionally exhausting that I felt myself bring my legs up to my chest. I sat there, staring at the floor. I couldn't take any of it. From Ana being found out, to the window incident and then to the panic attacks. It was just too much.

I forcefully rocked myself back and forth, the IV line pulling with me. It wasn't strong enough to come out of my hand though.

"Bella." I vaguely heard Carlisle's voice. I also heard the front room's door open and heavy footsteps matching soft ones. Emmett and Rosalie. Great. "Bella, you need to calm down."

Despite everything I just didn't listen. I couldn't; I was too welled up in self pity.

Ana kept screaming at me, telling me it was my fault but that she was going to hide us again…somehow.

And then my body was just so numb that I wanted to get the blade and drag it through my arms. I couldn't though, not here.

I could feel my arms clenching for their tools.

Small but soft hands came down and wrapped them around mine. I didn't react; I didn't feel like my panic was sparking up.

"Rosalie!" Carlisle's voice was shocked. "What are you doing?"

I heard a 'shhhh' sound from the side of me as my hands were squeezed in someone's.

It was about another full 10 minutes before my body relaxed, my movement stilled and my eyes re-focused to find Rosalie smiling encouragingly at me.

I couldn't smile back; I didn't have the strength too. A few tears slipped down my face but otherwise I was fine. I was still breathing and I was letting Rosalie touch me.

Carlisle was watching me very carefully; probably waiting for me to react to Rosalie's touch.

But I didn't, and I knew I wouldn't.

We all waited in silence; Emmett stood in the doorway, Esme and Carlisle holding hands and Rosalie holding tightly to mine.

It took a few more minutes before everyone realized I wasn't going to panic. That it was alright for Rosalie to touch me.

I smiled inside. It was a baby step but it made me so proud, I had done it - just one person - but I did it.

I didn't know what to do; the silence was so uncomfortable but I had nothing to say. I couldn't exactly say I was fine and walk out; that wouldn't go down so well with Carlisle or Charlie.

Finally Rosalie broke the silence as she looked up at the clock. 2:45pm. "I'm going to go to my room with Bella. Edward and the others will be home soon and will want answers."

No one protested as she took my upper arm and guided me up the staircase with the IV line, through the hallways and into her bedroom.

It was absolutely striking, so luxurious. It was something you'd find in a 5 star hotel. She had a white four poster bed with a pink curtain draped around it. Her floor was made up of white wood and she had various pink accessories spread on white desks, mirrors and her window. It was like a princess's room.

I did notice one thing though. A huge butterfly box in the corner with a lock on it. 'Rosalie's personal soul, keep out.'

From that moment I knew I wasn't alone in this world.

Rosalie had gone through something similar to what I had.

* * *

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	10. Similar

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan

Rosalie told me that it was okay to sit on her bed so I did, dragging the IV pole along with me. I cautiously sat down on the soft silk comforter. I didn't want to sit on it; I was afraid it would break. How the hell did Rosalie sleep in it?

Her room was so expensive; the Cullen's were probably full of money. Not that that bothered me too much. It didn't; hardly at all.

My bedroom looked like a trash can to this. Wow.

I sat still on the bed with my hands gently folded in my lap. I didn't dare move because if I did, I was afraid I'd break something.

Rosalie stood there looking at me for a moment before she turned and reached into a flower pot. She slid a tiny key out - one just like mine - and pushed it through the lock on the huge butterfly box in the corner.

I didn't know what to think when she pushed the lid open, undid another lock, and pulled another box out. She paused before picking up the new box and brought it over to me.

She took a deep breath and sat down. "I have secrets that only I know of Bella. Sometimes in life you just have to do that. I've had this secret since I was 13 and it kills me not being able to tell anyone about it, not even my parents, and my siblings. I'm not strong enough to tell them. You'll be the first person to know this and I need you to promise you won't tell anyone."

I nodded. I knew what it was like when you had secrets. "I promise." I whispered.

She nodded with a blank expression and opened the box that was resting in her hands.

I gasped quietly at what I saw. I didn't think Rosalie would be the type of person to…to do this.

I stared at her with tears in my eyes as I stared inside the box.

The covers wrapped around the inside of the box were black and there were 3 knives neatly set out on the smooth fabric. The middle one was the sharpest.

"Are you going to stab me?" I asked; my voice full of terror.

Rosalie's blank expression suddenly turned amused. "Stab? I don't stab anyone Bella." She paused. "Well that might be a lie, I do stab someone."

I stared at her with wide eyes. Who the hell did she stab!

She carefully rolled up the sleeves on her arms. I was astonished at what I saw. Loads of neatly made cuts and scars racked up her arms from the top of her hand to her elbow. Just like mine.

I was silent for so long that her face looked sad and she quickly pulled her sleeves back down. "I'm sorry for showing you something so horrid, Bella, but I have my reasons and I don't care w-"

"No!" I quickly cut her off. "I was silent because I'm not the only one anymore." I smiled faintly and showed her my arms.

She looked a little shocked. I was shocked too; her cuts were much worse than mine.

I slowly reached out for her hand and squeezed it tight. We both cried; just overjoyed that we weren't alone anymore.

And I truly felt like I could touch Rosalie without panicking; she knew how I felt - she was broken in some way too. We weren't much different in the inside.

"Maybe one day we'll tell our stories to each other." Rosalie whispered. "I mean about why you cut and why I cut." She added.

I nodded. "I'd like that."

We heard the front door open downstairs and loud footsteps made their entrance. The other kids had come home.

Rosalie quickly got up and locked the boxes, then slid them back against the wall.

I heard Alice's little voice as she ran up the stairs. "Rose!" she called.

Rosalie and I shared a look and then I quickly hid under the bed. I let the drape fall down and I couldn't see anything. Rosalie hid the IV pole behind the drape.

I felt her sit on her bed as the door opened.

"Hey Rose!" Alice's voice chirped. "Dad said you and Ems had to go to the dentist. How come you didn't tell us? We normally all go together."

"Emmett had a tooth ache so Dad wanted to take him but he protested to go without me there to hold his hand. You know what he's like. It was an emergency appointment." Rosalie was very convincing.

"Oh, so do you want to hang out?" Alice asked.

"Um no thanks, Ali. I think I'll just hang in my room today, I don't feel like doing anything." She said, sounding tired.

"Oh." Alice began. "Just call me if you need anything then." And then the door shut.

The drape pulled back and Rosalie smiled down at me. "She's gone." I took her outstretched hand and she pulled me out from under the bed.

"Doesn't you're dad ever wonder why you wear long sleeves in the hot weather?" I asked as we sat on her bed. Her dad was a doctor, it must have been hard. I had only managed to get away with it because Charlie wasn't very observant.

She nodded. "Yeah but he doesn't question me about it. I'm worried about next week though, we've got a pool party. What the hell am I going to do then? What are we going to do? You and Charlie are invited as well." She sighed.

Oh my…

"We'll have to come up with something, I've got out of pool parties loads of times but I'll come because I won't let you suffer." I whispered.

She smiled. "Alright. You want to go downstairs? Dad won't tell them why you're here, well what you have."

I nodded and took a deep breath. I had to do it sometime. "Okay."

Halfway down the stairs I stopped because I heard everyone talking in the front room.

Rosalie paused too and took my hand; giving me support that it was going to be okay.

She pulled me along into the room where everyone immediately stopped talking. I kept my gaze on the floor and my hand tight around Rosalie's. No need to look up. No need to look up.

But of course I did. All of the Cullen kids were staring at me with their mouths ajar. They weren't looking at me though; they were looking at mine and Rosalie's hands with shocked expressions.

Only Edward was staring at me. My face instantly grew hot.

I quickly dropped my gaze and Rosalie; feeling my discomfort, turned to Carlisle. "Is it okay if Bella and I go in the backyard for a bit? What time does Charlie want her back?"

"Of course. He said he'd call." He smiled. "How are you doing Bella?"

"Okay." I said quietly.

Rosalie quickly led me out through the backyard where we sat down on a bench.

We sat in a contented silence for a while before the glass door slid open and another presence made their way out into the cold yard.

"Bella?" Esme's voice was soft as she made her way to the bench.

Rosalie moved over a fraction so she was next to me; leaving room so Esme could sit down on the side of her.

I sent an apprehensive glance at Rosalie before tuning my gaze to Esme. "Yes?" I whispered.

"If you ever need to talk I'm always free. I can stop whatever I'm doing if you'd like to talk." She slid a silver cell phone from her pocket. "I want you to have this; it has all of the children's numbers in it so if you ever need someone to talk too, you can call one of us."

"I can't take your phone." I said; stunned.

She shook her head with a smile. "I have plenty of others in the house; I went and picked this one up this morning after Carlisle informed me that you would like to meet me some time."

"Oh." I didn't know what to say.

Rosalie gracefully took the phone from her mother and pressed it into my palm lightly with a smile.

When Esme departed back through the doors, tears fell from Rosalie's face.

I didn't think someone as beautiful as Rosalie should be crying. Yes, I know she had feelings but it didn't seem right that someone so perfect could be sad.

"Rosalie?" I asked quietly.

She wiped at her eyes quickly. "I'm okay. It's just that mom's so kind and gentle that sometimes I feel so guilty for hurting myself. She's been the best mother ever but yet I can't talk to her about my problems."

I did something then that I have never done since I was 5 years old. I wrapped my arms around Rosalie and comforted her. "My dad's the best dad ever too but I'm a little angry at him now for being so demanding but I still love him, but yet I find it so hard to convey my feelings to him too."

"Yeah. It's just seeing her so happy breaks my heart. I keep imagining what she'll look like when she finds out." She whispered.

"She doesn't have to find out." I replied.

"Secrets don't stay secrets, Bella. You have to know that, but I still can't bring myself to stop."

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice called from inside the house.

I flinched. I didn't mean too, it was just that Carlisle was my doctor and I felt a little anger towards him for trying to control me.

Rosalie noticed it, but said nothing.

He smiled at us. "Charlie has agreed to let you stay the night; I want to keep an eye on you. The other kids don't know why you're here."

I didn't know what to think. I didn't want to stay here for the night but did I want to be alone with Charlie in the house? No. I didn't think that it was fair for me to hang about in my room at the house so I would have to go downstairs with Charlie. I agreed to stay with the Cullen's.

Carlisle smiled and quickly went back inside; out of the cold breeze.

My eyes trailed to my IV pole and I felt sick again. I didn't want all those horrid liquids dripping into me. I reached my hand out and felt the IV pump running through my veins.

Rosalie's hand came and held mine still. "It's for the best. I didn't want to get better either." She whispered.

"Was Carlisle strict?" I asked lowly. It must have been hard for her; with her father being a doctor.

She nodded. "Yes, but not as strict as the clinic was."

"You went to a Clinic?" I was shocked. It must have been extremely hard!

"Yup." She sighed. "I refused to cooperate with dad. He didn't take it to well and drove me to the Clinic straight from school; I didn't even know where we were going. I was completely lost."

"Did they help you get better though? You seem okay now." She really did; apart from the cutting. But it was simple enough to put up a mask of happiness when you were dying inside. I vowed to myself that I would be there for Rosalie.

She shrugged. "Maybe a little, but I learned to hide what I was feeling and thinking. They thought I was getting better and I was released. Even now I push food away. Only sometimes."

"How did everyone react?" I didn't know if asking her questions would be too much but I really needed to hear it.

She pursed her lips. "I often heard mom crying in her room; even in the daytime. She'd have to excuse herself from almost everything that the family did and some of the days she couldn't even look at me. Dad was probably the same inside but after a while he seemed to hide it all and came off as strong. A bit too strong for my liking; he was quite rough, harsh with what he said and did." She shrugged precariously.

"Out of my siblings I think Emmett took it the worst. He always wanted to be near me; as if I was going to break every second. I'm thankful for it though; he held me while I cried, which was often. Alice kept breaking down in front of me and then running off. She had a lot of anger the first few weeks and months. She abruptly started yelling at dinner, in public; anywhere. It was quite embarrassing."

Her eyes flickered to the ground. "Then there was Edward…Well, he just thought I was an attention seeker. He hated me; and he didn't hide it either! He went around telling people how stupid and worthless I was. He told me I should grow up and take whatever was bothering me on the chin. But the first time he visited me in the Clinic he started to soften a little. He was like the person I knew before." She looked towards me. "We were all affected."

I nodded as I wiped tears away from my eyes. "I just want it all to stop. Why can't we freeze time?"

Rosalie pulled me into a hug; rocking us back and forth gently. "It'll be okay; I promise. I'll help you through. You're already letting someone in."

"No I'm not." I muttered against her clothing.

"Yes you are." She sighed. "You're touching me; touching someone. That's a good start Bella!"

I smiled. She was right; I was able to touch her without panicking. Maybe it was okay because she was similar to me; she understood me.

* * *

It's going a little slow at the moment, but it'll pick up soon, in a few chapters. Bella promise;D

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	11. You still with me?

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan

Later that day, we were all sat in the front room playing games on the Wii. Emmett had decided to have a tournament with Edward, and let me tell you; they were both competitive!

I had to dodge as an elbow came flying my way. "Oops! Sorry Bella!" Emmett said to me; not taking his eyes off of the screen. "Haha! Edward, you loser!"

Rosalie rolled her eyes at me on the floor by my legs. "They're always like this."

Eventually, Edward acknowledged that he had lost, and collapsed against the nearest couch. This was the couch I was sat on. Thankfully he didn't sit too near.

"Bella?" Emmett said; standing by the TV. "You want a game?"

I raised my eyebrow at him. Me, having a game? I doubt it. "No, thanks though."

He shrugged and sat down.

Esme took the chance to take the remote and turn the Wii off. She put on some nature program and nearly every person in the room – apart from me, Edward and Carlisle – groaned.

Jasper and Alice settled themselves into a game of some sort – a game I'd never played or heard of before, and the rest of them got on with their own things too.

So to say that I was grateful when Rosalie said we could go for a walk would be an understatement. I was happy to get outside. The only downer was that Edward decided to tag along. It was only a downer because I couldn't talk to Rosalie about the things I'd wanted too. Still, I couldn't exactly tell him to go away. Maybe a new a face around would be soothing.

Carlisle agreed to take the IV out of me – as long as I'd take down fluids every so often - so I was free to roam wherever I wanted. I was happy and content. 1) I hadn't panicked when Carlisle had removed the IV. 2) Everything seemed okay for a little while.

"So, Bella," Edward began as we walked down a pebble-dashed walkway behind the Cullen house. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I murmured quietly; trying to step away from him.

He stepped closer. "Okay, good. Because Carlisle won't tell me anything that's going on."

I swallowed and looked at Rosalie from the corner of my eye. She was glaring at her brother.

"I'm going to be fine." I took a deep breath and didn't move away when he walked closer beside me. I had to show him I wasn't afraid. "I'm not supposed to say anything because…I don't even know why not…"

We sat down on a small bench at the edge of a river just below the Cullen property. Was this their river too?

I looked at Rosalie. "Why can't I tell anyone?"

She shrugged. "Carlisle decided himself not to tell the rest of them. Do _you _want to tell them?"

I looked over at Edward; at his soft topaz eyes and bronzed colored hair. His cheeks held a small amount of color and he smiled softly at me. He looked so innocent.

I pursed my lips. "Maybe just Edward."

Rosalie smiled. "If you only want too. Don't let this big oaf pressure you." She hit Edward on the arm playfully.

He grinned and rolled his eyes. "Really Bella, I'm just worried about you. It's not nice knowing you're not well and then having to be kept from the truth."

I bit my lip. "Sorry." I looked at the grass as I fiddled with my hands. How did I hurt all the people around me? I was like a sadness magnet.

He sighed. "Don't blame yourself, Bella. Please don't. It's not your fault. Carlisle is just bizarre; he tends to think what he thinks, other people think too."

I looked up at him. "Just…don't be angry at me, okay?"

Rosalie scooted closer to me and wrapped her arms around me. "Take your time."

So I told Edward. I told him everything that I was feeling; everything that had happened; everything that was reality. Rosalie helped a little too, just to make sure that Edward understood.

At the end of it, Edward was sat there pale as a sheet. His eyes were wide and his lips dry. "But…I…" He stumbled for words. "I'm so sorry, Bella." He wouldn't look at Rosalie; as if he was remembering what they had been through together.

"It's okay." I shrugged. "I guess. It's the life I have to live…"

"You – and other people – can make it better, though, right?" He smiled encouragingly.

"I guess."

We talked endlessly for what seemed like hours, before it got a little cold and Rosalie made her way inside.

Rain started falling gracefully from the sky but neither Edward nor I moved. He stared out at the water without blinking. He sighed quietly.

"I'm going to go inside now." I whispered kindly. But me being me, my foot slipped on the wet grass and I went crashing to the ground. I don't know what set me off; but as soon as my face hit the pebbles on the walkway, I began to cry. Maybe it was all the emotion I had let build up inside of me. I could taste copper in my mouth and soon realized it was blood. My blood. This couldn't get any worse.

"Bella?" Edward jumped to his feet and I heard him walk slowly across the pebbles. He seemed hesitant. "ROSE!" He bellowed; his voice getting cut off by the wind. "Damn." He cursed. "I'm so sorry, Bella." He apologized as his arms maneuvered around me and lifted me up. I sagged forwards like a rag doll. I nearly hit the pebbles again. I couldn't seem to find my feet. "Bella," His voice was strong and powerful. "You have to get up."

I clenched my hands around his coat as I struggled to see through the blood that was covering my face. Where was it coming from? I wailed loudly and he tightened his grip on me.

The scraping noise alerted us that the screen door was opening at the back of the house. "Edward? Bella? Are you guys okay?" It was Emmett.

"NO!" Edward screamed forcefully. "Bella's hurt, you idiot!"

I heard Emmett's curse even from where I was. "Shit!" There were soft noises in the grass as Emmett ran over to us. "God, what the hell happened?"

"She went and hit the pebbles. Give me your jumper." I could hardly hear Edward, and his mouth was right next to my ear.

"What, why?" Emmett argued.

"So I can clean her up, you jerk!" Edward then spoke to me. "Bella, you still with me?"

I grumbled a response as I was turned to lie across his lap like a baby. I flinched and grasped his wrist as he ran Emmett's jumper over my face. I must have had a lot of cuts.

How was it, that in my times of trauma, I could touch people without panicking? How was it fair? Was God trying to tell me I should be scared and worried for the rest of my life?

"Let me carry her, so you can get in the house quicker and freshen up." Before Edward could respond, Emmett had lifted me up and was carrying me to what I assumed was the house.

In a split second I felt the air shift from cold to warm. We were finally in the house.

"Carlisle," Emmett spoke. "Bella fell on the pebbles." He handed me over to someone but I knew it wasn't Carlisle.

I looked up through the haze to find Rosalie looking down at me. "It's alright Bella." How the hell was she able to hold me? I was huge. She sat me up on the couch and held my hand as Carlisle inspected my cuts.

I seemed a little out of it but when Esme suggested I take my wet clothes off, I jumped off of the couch and nearly hit Carlisle over. I wasn't taking my jacket off; they'd see the cuts.

"But…you must be cold." Esme reasoned.

"I'm fine." I tensed my jaw. I couldn't think of an excuse as to why I wouldn't take my jacket or anything else off.

"Um, I'll find Bella something to wear. C'mon, Bella." Thank God Rosalie was there to help me get out of it!

* * *

Only had 6 reviews, but I really wanted to update. Please, can I have maybe a little more?

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	12. Feelings with Edward

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Carlisle Cullen

Rosalie led Bella up the staircase as we all settled back into the chairs. Edward was chewing on his lip; his eyes knitted in concern. I could always tell when something was wrong with one of the children. Maybe I missed a few things here and there, but Edward was defiantly worried.

"Edward?" I spoke evenly; releasing no emotion so that he would look at me.

He averted his eyes to the floor. "Yes dad?"

"Is everything okay?" I leaned forward so that I was closer to him.

"Yup." He popped the P. He never popped the P.

I sighed and looked at the rest of the children. "Can you give us a minute?"

They shifted from their spots and slowly made their way out of the room. Emmett idled by the doorway. "Just pointing out the obvious but, Bella really needs support right now." He shrugged and then turned to go up the stairs.

Esme moved hastily from the side of me and sat on the arm-rest. She grasped Edward's hand tightly in hers and whispered soothing words. Edward was her baby boy – not hers biologically – but the youngest boy in our family. It was obvious to the other children that Edward was perhaps a little more babied.

"I don't think I can do it Dad." His voice was like paper – lost in the wind. I hardly heard him speak.

"Can't do what, Edward?" My heart ached for him. He was in pain; shaking like a leaf.

"Bella told me," He looked at me sharply. "I didn't force her too."

I suppressed a small sigh. "Oh, Edward. Everything will be okay. This _isn't _the same as before."

He ran his hand through his hair. "But that's the point. It is, Dad. It totally is. I hardly kept myself together that time…and I really like Bella. I really do. I don't want to see her broken – I hate seeing anyone broken."

Esme pulled Edward towards her chest and comforted him softly. When Rosalie was fighting Anorexia, everyone in the family suffered and fought alongside her. Edward probably took it as a huge blow – but not as much as Jasper. Edward was adopted just 3 years after the twins at age 3. Rosalie and Jasper were 3 then too and Edward and Rosalie got along with each other quite well. They were always playing together and Rosalie even got to play dress-up on him a few times. They were probably the closest of the siblings – apart from Rose and Jasper – and so Edward had found it hard to accept his best friend – his sister – wasn't feeling okay. He couldn't process the information and took his inside anger out on her; making her the enemy. Eventually, he learned to calm down and was there for her until the end, but I knew this would shake him quite a bit – Bella being a relative or not.

This was a sensitive subject for Edward.

"We'll make sure that Bella gets better, Edward. And we won't exclude any of you. Bella may be getting her treatment here at the house where I can keep an eye on her and Esme can be there to comfort her, if her father agrees."

"You mean like let them move in permanently?" Hope sparked in his eyes and he waited for me to answer.

"Well, I was thinking more along the lines of stopovers, but that seems like a good idea. Of course, it is totally up to Charlie; it's his daughter, and the decision is up to him." Edward was a smart kid.

"Can you phone him please?" Edward looked like he was about to cry. "It'd make me feel so much better if I knew you were looking after Bella 24/7."

Esme handed me the phone and I dialed Charlie's number carefully.

He picked up on the second ring. "Carlisle?"

"Yes, Charlie. It's me."

"Is Bella alright?" He sounded worried.

"Yes, she's fine. We were just calling to see if it would be more suitable for Bella – and you too if you'd like – to move into the house. This way I can be 100% sure that Bella is getting better, and we will not need to worry about the trauma of a clinic."

Charlie was silent for a few minutes. "Of course. That seems like a great idea, though I really don't want to leave the house. I wouldn't mind Bella moving in there though – as long as she's in a room with one of the girls and doesn't mix with the boys during the night. And I want to be able to visit her whenever I want."

I laughed. "Of course Charlie, we're not a prison!"

He laughed in agreement. "I guess I'm just being overprotective. See you tomorrow, Carlisle. Look after my baby."

"Sure will, Charlie."

A smile slowly spread across Edward's face. "I feel a lot better now."

I rolled my eyes. "No 'mixing' with Bella during the night." I winked and he rolled his eyes.

"Sure, Dad. Sure." He sauntered off towards the stairs to join the others.

A few minutes later, I decided it was time for Bella to get some liquids into her. Taking the glass of cold water from Esme's hand, I leisurely made my way up the spiral staircase.

I knocked attentively on Rosalie's door; listening for anything inside the room. There were a few shuffles and then the lock slid across. Rosalie emerged from behind the doorframe. "Dad." She nodded curtly.

"I came to give Bella her liquids. She needs to keep herself hydrated." I informed my daughter, pushing the door back all the way and letting myself into her room.

Here in this house, I was aloud to go anywhere. Especially in the children's rooms. I made sure their rooms were clean every Saturday morning and made sure they did their laundry. I was – perhaps – the head of the house, and the children were often still obliged to follow my rules. As would Bella, soon enough.

Rosalie stood back as I entered the room – idling lightly by the window.

I followed her eyes to the bed where Bella's form lay. Her eyes were gently closed, her feet held up close to her chest and her arms protectively around her. She was asleep. I placed the glass on Rosalie's side table with a sigh. "I guess she needs the sleep."

Rosalie nodded. "It's been a long day. I'll get the camp bed out in a bit. Maybe when she wakes up we can play some games or do each others hair or something…" She trailed off; her thoughts turning to girly for me.

"Involve Alice too." Alice did seem a little left out lately.

"Looks like she already is." I turned; not quite understanding Rosalie's words. I rolled my eyes at my youngest daughter who was smiling innocently from the doorway. She stepped into the room. "Sorry."

I waved my hand; brushing off her apology. "I'll see you lot later, don't have too much fun." I winked and turned to leave. I heard Rosalie's low laugh as I ambled down the stairs.

* * *

So, I thought we needed a little of Carlisle. Sorry its short; it was the only easy split part in word at the moment:)

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	13. Panic at dark

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Rosalie Cullen

Bella stirred about an hour later. I quickly glanced at the red numbers on the clock. 10:07pm. We still had time to do something girly. "Nice sleep?" I asked as Bella sat up and rubbed her eyes; still a little disorientated. She nodded as she looked from Alice to me. "Yeah, thanks."

Alice launched herself at Bella; her usual enthusiastic self poking through almost immediately. "Can I do your hair? I've loved it ever since I met you! Please!"

Bella shot me a frightened look before nodding slowly at Alice. "But, please try not to touch me too much..."

Alice nodded eagerly and ran to her room for the supplies. Bella had just gotten herself into a whole new game of _Bella Barbie. _

Alice was careful as she precisely curled Bella's hair into cute little ringlets. She was adding the finishing touches here and there and was just about to get out the glitter when she froze. I looked at her and then at Bella.

Even through her shirt, I could see Bella's chest deeply rise and fall. She was staring straight ahead; her hands clenching around each other with each breath she took. I had seen this enough to know what was happening.

Alice dropped the curlers; almost as if she was shock, and fled the room. "Alice, wait!" Too late, she was already gone.

I knelt down in front of Bella just as Edward flew through my bedroom door. Why was everyone being so loud? It had just gone 10:30pm and nearly everyone was up. I gently took her hands in mine and was surprised at how shaky they were. She had never been this bad, and she seemed unresponsive. I turned to Edward. "Alice didn't get dad, did she?"

Edward shook his head. "No, she just came running into my room and gesturing to yours. I almost instantly clicked on and came as quick as I could. I think she's with mom. And Dad got called in for an emergency at the hospital. Why?"

I breathed a sigh of relief. "I think he scares Bella. When we were outside earlier, Dad came out and she flinched. I think it's because he's not afraid to take control over her, and she's scared after everything that's gone on. He's trying really hard to get inside her mind and she doesn't like it. Earlier when he came to my room, he seemed a little harsh."

Edward didn't reply; he just turned his head towards Bella. "She's really pale. She doesn't look okay."

"Bella, sweetie?" I gently squeezed her hand. "C'mon girl, deep breaths."

Her breathing seemed to get more difficult and her whole body tensed.

Edward moved forward and placed his hands on her shoulders sort of automatically. He was the only other person in the house who knew medical procedures and how to deal with any emergency. When he was younger – and still today – he would follow Dad and learn as much as he could. I was sure he would go to medical school. "Hey, Bella, hey. It's Edward. Remember me?" His voice was soft; way softer than I had ever heard him speak before. "You're okay. It's just me, you and Rose. In, out, in, out. I know you can do it."

Bella's eyes continued to stare forward; occasionally blinking. Abruptly, she began to slump forward off of the chair.

Edward quickly grabbed her and lifted her up into his arms weightlessly. He backed up until he reached the bed and gently sat down. He shifted Bella so that she was sat up in his lap, her legs dangling over the side of his. His hand gripped hers as he coached her breathing.

Very slowly, her skin started to turn a bright red. She was finding it hard to take breaths, but she was doing it. Gradually, she let out a _whoosh _of air and went limp in his arms. Her breathing slowed and she closed her eyes.

That had been the longest panic attack of hers that I'd ever witnessed. They only ever lasted a few seconds, but that one had been a few minutes. She must have been exhausted.

Bella's shakes were so vicious that Edward was shaking too. He held her in his arms tightly; as if they would stop the tremors that were pulsing through her body. He rested his chin on top of her head and gently rocked her. He was a professional calmer but Bella wasn't calming as fast as any of us had. What was wrong with her?

"I think we should keep an eye on her through the night; she seems sick. I know this was one of her panic attacks, but this wasn't like the usual ones. She might be coming down with something, or her illness may be taking an effect on her." Edward sounded much older than he was; his voice full of concern and confidence.

"We're not telling dad though. I have nothing against him, but I hate how he acts around Bella sometimes. I think she needs a break from the whole "hospitalization" thing."

"Agreed." Edward gently shifted Bella's form and draped my blanket over her. He didn't let her go; just continued rocking her.

I sat down on my bedroom floor. "You look cute."

Edward raised his eyebrows. "Uh…thanks?"

"No problem." I didn't mean he was cute; I was commenting on how cute he and Bella looked sitting on my bed in the moonlight together. Guys were so clueless.

The door to my bedroom slowly creaked as it opened. Alice walked in cautiously; her eyes narrowing on Bella in Edward's lap. "I feel so horrible for fleeing like that. It was obvious Bella was in distress. What if I had been in here on my own? I couldn't have just fled and left her there…who knows what could've happened?" She shivered, as if imaging the possibilities.

"Don't blame yourself." I told her as she collapsed next to me on the floor. "Anyone would have done it too. You just forgot; you haven't seen it happen for a while, and I have to admit, that even scared me too."

She looked at me. "Really?" She looked so vulnerable and young.

I nodded and touched her hand in comfort. "Edward thinks she might be getting sick. We're going to keep an eye on her overnight."

She nodded and stood back up. "I'm going to get some sleep; I need to rest. If- when Bella's herself again, tell her I want to finish doing her hair." She slowly made her way to my door and slipped out of sight.

Edward watched me carefully. "She's lucky to have you, you know." I knew he wasn't talking about Alice anymore.

I looked at Bella. "Yeah?"

He nodded as he carefully ran his hand through her hair. "If it wasn't for you, she'd totally be alone. Today, I've really seen her a little bit more lively and talkative. Damn…I know that what she's feeling right now is so deep and I really look up to her; I wouldn't be able to hang on like that. But still, no matter how strong someone is, they still need someone to be there for them. She really likes you, Rose. Don't abandon her."

I nodded. "I'm not going to, Ed. And don't pretend you didn't notice anything today. She wanted to talk to you; like really. Maybe she's cautious, but she's gradually learning your trust. You should try and show her that she can trust you. The more people she has around her at this time, the more likely she's going to get better."

Edward smiled. "That's something I want to see. I know its sounds horrible to say it, but Bella has serious problems. Remember when she hid under that bench?" He shook his head. "It was horrible. She told me she saw _Ana_ and I was totally clueless. I should've picked up. I asked her if Ana was in her mind and she said yes. I was stupid."

I shrugged; the conversation was getting to close to personal experiences. Edward wasn't realizing that Bella's _Ana_ had been my _Eddie. Eddie _was the one who told me that I had to be thin. He screamed at me when I did badly and I loved him still. Whenever I said his name when I was troubled, Edward had thought I was talking to him.

The rest of the night passed slowly; Bella continued to be unconscious – or continued to sleep, and Edward and I took it in turns to stay awake. It was my turn now; 6 in the morning and still nothing had happened.

Bella was still laying lifelessly in Edward's arms as he shifted in his sleep.

I really needed to use the washroom; not to pee; but could I risk unlocking all my boxes with Edward there? And could I leave Bella?

My hands shook lightly. I would have to risk it. I crept across the room; slowly picking up my heavy box and heading over to the door.

I slowly tiptoed into the washroom; cringing when the door creaked lightly. I slipped inside, turned on the light and slid the bolt across. No one would walk in on me that way.

I set the box on the sink counter and noiselessly unlocked them. I set out the bandages to the side of me and continued until I got to the knives. The breath I'd been holding flew out of me as I slid one into my hand, and slowly pressed it to my arm.

I held back the whimper as the sharp metal cut through my skin. I stared at myself in the mirror. _Stupid. Worthless. Weak. Hopeless. Fat. _Each word got another cut with the knife.

Eventually, the knife slipped free and I slid down the wall. Very professionally, I wrapped my arm tenderly in the bandages. After making sure the washroom was clean, I headed out into the hallway.

When I got to my room, Edward shifted in his sleep and I froze. False alarm; he didn't wake up. I took a deep breath and pushed the box back into its original place. My arm was killing me and Edward and Bella were in my room. Normally I'd snuggle under my covers and cry helplessly. No doing that tonight.

At 7:07am, Edward woke-up and the both of us decided we'd stay up. I'd told him I wasn't tired. It was true; I wasn't tired.

He sat on the bed and watched me with weary eyes. "You've been sleeping down there all through the night." He reached over and patted the space beside him. "Come sit."

I bit my lip as I pressed my hands onto the floor to get up. My arm gave a throb of protest. When I sat down, Edward lightly touched me. "Hey, you alright?"

I nodded and rested my head against his shoulder; trying not to disturb Bella.

He carefully removed his arm from around Bella and pulled me close; cuddling the both of us. It felt nice; almost normal.

Mom gracefully glided through the bedroom door. She held a solemn face but that soon disappeared when she saw the three of us huddled together. "That's so cute! Stay there!" She added as she flew from the room; emerging seconds later with a camera. She snapped the picture and then came over to touch Bella lightly on the face. "Carlisle wants her in his office. He needs to weigh her and talk to her about the treatment plan."

Edward and I locked eyes. We knew Bella wouldn't be up for it; and would she even be able to get there? The way she'd been last night told me no.

I nodded. "Just…give us a minute."

Mom nodded and left the room.

Edward gently shook Bella. It took 5 hard shakes for her to actually move. She slowly opened her eyes and stared at us; her eyes glassy.

I pulled her off of Edward's lap so she was lying on the bed. "Hey sweetie, are you alright?"

She stared at me before blinking. She nodded and shakily sat up. "I-what happened?"

I was about to tell her when Edward shook his head. "We'll tell you after. As long as you feel alright now?"

She nodded. "I feel fine."

I took a deep breath. "Dad wants to see you in his office so that he can weigh you and talk about treatment."

She looked terrified; her face turning deafly pale. "I-No!"

I squeezed her hand in support. "It'll be alright, I'm sure Dad isn't going to be too harsh on you."

She rubbed at her eyes; as if brushing away the tears, and slowly stood up. She swayed and reached out for something.

Edward stood up unexpectedly and grabbed her to steady her. He looked at her with concern. "You're definitely _not _alright." He looked at me. "We should tell Dad. She's not well."

Bella didn't react to his touch; almost as if she was completely drained of feeling.

"And," Bella placed her hands on her hips. "_She _is standing right here. I'm fine!"

I smiled. "You go girl!"

She blushed and ran her hand through her hair. She looked up at Edward pleadingly. "Please don't say anything; please? You can tell Esme if you want, just please not Carlisle."

"You're scared of him." Edward stated. Everyone knew Bella was frightened of Carlisle. He had authority. He even scared us sometimes; and he was our father!

I nudged Edward in the arm and guided Bella out of the room. I hugged her close for a second. "Go talk to him, be brave girl!"

She took a deep breath and followed mom to Dad's office.

* * *

Well, say a big thank you for the double-amount length of this wonderfully, long chapter whilst I go and enjoy writing the rest of this story for my lovely followers. I love you all to pieces!

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	14. Don't give up

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan

"Hello, Bella." Carlisle smiled warmly as I entered the room.

I just stared at him. When I'd had some privacy at Charlie's one time, I'd researched how to not "crack" when faced with a doctor. This was going to be easy. Well, if I was still the professional I had been all those years ago.

I sat down on the chair in front of his desk and stared at him evenly; my expression blank.

"Did you have a nice sleep?"

_Apples._

"Did you, Rosalie, and Alice get along alright?"

_Strawberries._

"How are you feeling this morning?"

_Oooo! Goldfish!_

"Do you think we are getting anywhere in your treatment at the moment?"

_Ah, pineapple, watermelon, grapes!_

"Bella? Shall we talk about the next following weeks?"

_No. Haha, he's so funny._

"Bella," He took a deep breath. "Are you even listening?"

_Hardly, Doc!_

He ran his hand over his face as he got up. "You wait right here."

I followed him with my eyes as he walked towards his door and disappeared. I saw the lock turn. He'd locked me in. What a bastard.

A few minutes later, he came back into the room but not alone. Esme and Edward followed close behind him and Rosalie stood at the door. She smiled at me encouragingly.

"Bella," My gaze snapped towards Esme as she bent down beside the chair. She didn't touch me. "We're not going to get very far if you don't cooperate are we? If you follow along with Carlisle easily, you'll be out of this room and enjoying some games with the kids much quicker. So, should we get this over with?" She smiled to finish it off; the cherry on the cake.

I didn't do anything. Not even move. I just sat there, unblinking, staring at her heart-shaped face.

She looked sad for a few seconds, but as quickly as it was there, it was gone. She turned and shook her head at Carlisle. "You can't force her into anything, Carlisle. Give her time."

He ignored her and eventually she left the room. Edward came towards me and for the first time since I'd first met him; I shrunk into the chair. He looked scary; his face was entirely blank.

The next thing I knew, his arms were around me and he was straddling me against his chest. I flung my head back; smashing into his jaw, and cried uncontrollably. He didn't even flinch. "Shh, it's alright, Bella. It's alright."

I watched Carlisle with tears in my eyes. He picked up his stethoscope off of the desk and came towards me.

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and struggled against Edward's grip as the cold, metal object slid up my t-shirt to rest deeply on my heart.

I knew Carlisle was patient sometimes, and he was now. He stood there for what seemed like ages, pressing the small bell on various parts of my chest. I wanted to punch him. I didn't know why.

"Good job, Bella. We're just going to weigh you and then you can go, okay?" He smiled softly as he prepared the scales in the corner of the room.

Rosalie made her move then and helped me off of Edward's lap. She pulled – very gently – my shaking form towards Carlisle and held onto me when we stopped.

Tears were streaming down my face. I didn't want to do this.

"Hop up," Carlisle smiled encouragingly and I saw a nice, kind man in front of my face. I knew he wasn't doing this to make me feel miserable; he was doing it to help. Maybe that was a breakthrough.

I pulled myself up and turned around so I couldn't see my weight. I didn't want to know. If I had put on weight, I was going to cry.

Carlisle gasped; not bothering to hide his shock. I turned slightly to see his face. He'd paled. Oh no, I was way too fat. Shit.

My legs gave way and Rosalie reached out and grasped me. She pulled me to my feet and supported my waist. "Dad, leave it for now. Please?"

Carlisle shook his head and went over to the cabinets in the corner. "Rosalie, please do not push me. You know that I cannot leave it."

She sighed and pulled me from the room. "Bells, follow along with him. You need to get better…"

I pushed away from her. "There's nothing wrong with me! I'm fine!"

She followed me as I stalked off to her room. A dizzy spell hit me; perhaps it was because I was worked up. Still, my head felt heavy and the floor was getting closer.

I didn't have chance to hit it. Edward had gone back to Rosalie's room and had come out just in time to catch me.

He scooped me up into his arms, brushed the hair out of my face, and carried me to Rosalie's bed. He gave Rosalie a pointed look.

She ignored him and lowered herself onto the bed next to me; draping her blanket around me.

I leaned my head against her and the tears flowed quickly. I hadn't meant them too, but they'd come anyway.

We stayed there for a while; all 3 of us just talking quietly. I was mostly crying and blubbering how I wanted everything to be okay.

It seemed to be okay for a little while, until Carlisle came into Rosalie's bedroom with all these medical supplies. My heart raced.

"Rosalie, can you give us a little space? Edward I'll need you to help seeming that you're the only other person who knows what to do." Carlisle seemed happier now – less harsh. More like him, I guess.

"Bella, sweetheart?" This was definitely the old Carlisle. Maybe he'd seen that the person he'd been the last dew days hadn't been working too well in my recovery. "You seem a little weak. I'm going to insert an NG tube, okay? This will get nutrients in you."

I looked at Edward – my eyes wide. NG tubes and I didn't go down well. Not from past experiences.

"It's alright, Bella." Edward said quietly as he helped his dad with the equipment.

Edward came back to the bed with the tube, a pair of gloves and a glass of water with a straw. He pulled on his gloves and carefully handed me the glass of water.

My hands shook a little but I managed to hold it. Edward helped with his other hand though.

I couldn't watch Carlisle as he got things prepared. I focused on my hands and tried to calm my breathing so they wouldn't see that I was freaking out.

He measured the tube from my nose to my ear and down to my stomach and then marked a point on the tube. I waited patiently; my heartbeat fluttering.

He placed a towel on my chest, handed a basin to Edward and then 'inspected my nostrils'. He then dipped quite a bit of the tube in a lubricant substance.

As Carlisle began passing the tube down my nostril I gripped his wrist. I don't know why I did it, maybe it was to make sure he didn't hurt me or because I wanted comfort. Me touching him didn't bother me as much as it should have. Was my fear leaving?

"Okay you're doing great; just lean your head forward a little." He murmured gently.

Edward – who'd been sitting next to me the whole time - softly pushed my head towards my chest and lifted the straw to my mouth. As instructed I took slow and small sips. I nearly gagged, but I managed to keep it in.

This was so uncomfortable.

After he made sure the tube was in place by placing a stethoscope on my stomach, he taped the tube to my cheek and connected it to the bag of nutrients he had hanging on a drip. He sat down and patted my hand. "Well done, Bella. You handled that very well."

I was so tired right now. I could have fallen asleep right there, and Edward seemed to realize this too. He laughed – a bell-like, graceful laugh that made me feel even more tired. "I think she's tired."

Carlisle smiled warmly. The tiny wrinkles around his eyes scrunched as he did. "Then I'll have to come back later."

When he left, Edward sat down next to me on the bed and tucked his knees to his chest. He rested his head against the wall. "I'm so sorry you have to go through this, Bella."

I smiled softly. "It's not your fault."

He shrugged. "Still doesn't make it okay." He took my hand hesitantly. "Sleep now, Bella."

I stared into his soft, swirling orbs and felt myself slipping away. But not without fears. I was so scared; scared of so many things. Scared for tomorrow, of the future. Scared of how I was letting people touch me and what that meant. Scared of breathing.

Rosalie slipped back into the room at some point but I was too far out of it to even realize. Though, I did hear a soft, calming voice that sounded a lot like Edward, but I couldn't be sure.

"_If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough _

_but the heart keeps telling you don't give up, _

_who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what? _

_Don't give up. _

_Through it all, just stand up!"_

* * *

_Just 5 reviews guys? You can do better than that. Be thankful I gave you this chapter lol;D  
_

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	15. In love with Edward Cullen

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

A few days later

"Bella…" I turned to stare at Rosalie. She sighed and rolled her eyes, pointing towards the exit.

"Alright, alright. I'm coming." I quickly followed her; avoiding the eyes of those in the store. They were staring at the NG tube and not me, I reminded myself quietly.

After being cooped up in the Cullen's house for a few days, Carlisle had finally agreed to let me go out for a walk. Charlie had visited yesterday. It had been awkward having him there watch me throw-up and having to see me so ill. He said that he hoped I'd get better and that he just couldn't face watching me do this again. I couldn't blame him.

I'd finally had a breakthrough after looking at myself in the mirror. I'd seen a _really _thin person staring back at me and it was so bad it made me throw up. Carlisle and the rest of his family said they were so proud of me for admitting to needing help. I wasn't proud. I'd done this to myself. I was killing myself and I didn't even care. That day, I also got rid of Ana. One minute she was pleading with me and the next, my mind was silent. I'd stood in the middle of the room for a few minutes trying to believe the silence. It just didn't seem real.

Rosalie said my name again and I realized I'd stopped walking. She pulled me down the street; keeping her hand lightly on my wrist in case she lost me again.

"Sorry." I smiled softly. "I was just thinking."

She frowned. "Yeah? You okay?"

I nodded. "Uh-huh. It wasn't anything bad."

"So, Mom said she was going to take you to that garden center you've wanted to go too." Rosalie peered through the bag as we got into the car.

I smiled. Esme was a wonderful person. She was treating me as if I was her own child and that made me even guiltier for flinching whenever she touched me. After I came out of the shock, I'd gone back to ignoring everyone's touches. Except Rosalie's and Edward's. I felt safe around them.

Rosalie frowned at the swim-wear in her hand. The pool party was due to take place tomorrow and the both of us were scared. Scared of people seeing the cuts, afraid people would find out. We'd tried to get out of it. 'Oh, Bella's too ill.' 'I don't feel good.' But Carlisle insisted that we go because we needed some fun.

Edward pulled out of the parking lot and we sat in silence for a while. He'd gotten used to the fact that sometimes Rose and I needed some time alone to talk. Today, however, he decided against it. "So, you girls excited for the party tomorrow?" He looked at me through the mirror.

I looked away. "Sure." I swallowed the lump in my throat quietly.

Rosalie stared her brother straight in the eye. "Sure am. You?"

He shrugged and turned on his blinker before he turned. "I guess so. You know how these parties are. Some people end up getting drunk."

"I doubt Dad will let anyone drink." Rose rolled her eyes. "He's a doctor."

I spent most of my days listening to the Cullen kids have conversations or argue. I was always sitting somewhere near them listening in. They didn't care.

"Just because Dad's a doctor doesn't mean he doesn't drink." Edward flashed the smile I loved as he came to a stop outside of the house. "Here comes Emmett."

And Emmett came indeed. He flung the doors wide open, hugged Rosalie, slapped Edward on the shoulder and waved at me. I was still a little insecure around Emmett; he was energetic and just so _big. _He was a little scary.

Carlisle met us at the door and indicated for me to follow him into Rose's room. I settled onto the bed next to her and kept my hands tightly in my lap as he attached the NG tube back up to its machine. I was still tempted to pull it out – it was annoying.

Rose and I were left alone for a few hours and we went over what we were going to do for the party.

The next day

I woke up to find Rosalie curled beside me still fast asleep. She had never been an early bird apparently. I shuffled forward on the bed and tried to see through the small gap in the curtains. The sun shone through and nearly blinded me.

I buried my face in my palm. It was a sunny day, just as Carlisle had said it would be. 'My prediction has never been wrong,' He'd told me.

I poked Rose gently in the arm and she rolled over; opening her eyes with a groan. "What?" Did I not mention she was moody when she was tired? She sat up. "Oh, it's you. Sorry." She smiled.

"It's okay. Thought I'd tell you it's sunny…."

"Damn." She muttered as she pulled herself out of bed and went to her wardrobe to pick out clothes. She shoved her jumper over the top of her vest top with a hint of panic on her face.

I reached over to my bag on the side of the bed and pulled out the new bottle of Liquid Skin; a product that was skin colored but used where band-aids wouldn't work for a number of reasons. I chucked it into Rose's waiting hands.

She studied the bottle; twirling it around in her fingers. "When did you get this?"

"I purposely made Charlie bring the purse it was in. I only thought of it yesterday morning before he came. I don't know if it'll work; hopefully the other ideas will work…" I rolled up my sleeve gently; running my fingertips across the scars and cuts.

Once Rosalie was dressed she called for Carlisle who disconnected the NG tube from its machine. After getting dressed myself, I followed behind Rosalie silently as we walked down the huge staircase and out onto the Cullen's patio.

I stared at the huge pool, memorized. A lot of familiar teenagers swam and laughed and joked about in the crystal, blue water. The sun shone little diamonds on the water's surface. It took all my might not to climb into it.

I caught Edward's eye across the pool and smiled gently. He beckoned me to come to him and I did; being careful of the swarm of bodies around me. I stepped over a teenager sunbathing on the floor and sat down next to Edward.

"Do you want to swim?" Edward's topaz orbs swirled before me and I closed my eyes briefly. How could I deny someone like him?

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I…I don't know."

I looked to Rosalie who was sat beside me. She shrugged. She didn't know what to do either.

Edward stuck out his bright, pink lips into a very adorable pout. "Please, Bella?"

I turned my gaze to the diamond water; once again memorized by the way the sun angels danced across it. I nodded slowly. "Okay, but not too far." I was hoping I would only have to go to the waist and not get my arms wet or anything.

He grinned in triumph, took my hand and pulled me towards the steps. He looked at my shorts and long sleeved top. "Um…I don't want to sound rude but you should take them off."

I took a deep breath. "No, it's okay."

He shrugged and guided me into the shallow end of the pool. It was less crowded and so I could walk around more freely without having to touch anyone. "You're not scared of water right?"

I laughed. "No, I love water!"

He grinned mischievously as his hand cupped around the water. "I do too!"

The water came at me with a terrifying force and I squealed. When the water sprayed back down into the pool I shook my head and laughed. I set my arms out to the side of me and pushed the water; lifting it up onto Edward.

He gasped in surprise and splashed me back.

Emmett laughed from his space on the side of the pool and kicked his feet in our direction. Water hit us again.

I was having fun. It was a beautiful day, I was in a pool. I wasn't thinking about my sickness, I wasn't thinking about my problems. I was thinking about Edward.

He shook out his tousled curls; water spraying in every direction. He reached up with his long, strong arms to smooth down his fuzzy mane. Laughing, he span in a spiral; pouring waves of water over the people stood around him.

It was the night that I fell asleep next to Edward that set off my feelings. Ever since I met him, he stood out to me but that night my heart started to beat furiously. Whenever I saw Edward, I got dizzy and thought I was going to fall over. Whenever he touched me, a tingle went throughout my body. It seemed hard to stay away from him for long periods of time.

I was in love with Edward Cullen.

"Bella?" He called softy as he swam to the middle of the pool. There were only 9 people in the pool now. The Cullen's had invited 8 adults and 12 children to the party. "You okay?" His eyes swirled with concern.

I smiled. "Yes, I'm perfectly fine."

I swam to join him; removing my shorts and t-shirt.

* * *

I don't know why, but I got writers block and it took me a while to write this! :/ AND TO POINT OUT; BELLA IS NOT NAKED! She has a costume on underneath, so does Rose;D

Btw, An NG tube is used for feeding and administering drugs and other oral agents. It is passed through the nose and down through the nasopharynx and esophagus into the stomach.

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	16. Sharks

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Edward looked like a child who'd just had candy waved around in front of his face for an entire hour. His topaz eyes popped out of their sockets as he took me in; his eyes studying each inch of me.

I got a little uncomfortable when he looked at my arms but breathed a sigh of relief when he moved on to meet my gaze. He didn't see the scars or cuts; it was good.

I weaved towards him; pushing aside the water so fast I nearly fell over.

He grabbed me just before I tripped and swung me around so I was hovering by Emmett's feet. He nearly whacked me in the head and I ducked; sending my head going under the water and in my eyes. I was so shocked that I emerged coughing and spluttering water onto Edward. Oh how romantic.

Edward laughed; a flash of joy swirling in his eyes. He had me captivated alright.

He swam closer to me and hesitantly scooped part of my green and pink polka-dot swimming panties into his hand. He ran his finger over and over; savoring the fabric. "Hmm…" He murmured as he cocked his head to the side. "You are very beautiful, Miss. Swan."

Emmett scrunched his nose and dumped a load full of water on Edward's head with the small cup he had beside him. "You are so mushy, but I like it. ROSE! Get over here!"

Rose came strutting over; moving her hips a little bit too eagerly. The boys lounging behind her had a good view of her butt and they savored that moment.

She threw off her skirt and slowly took off her t-shirt. She forced herself not to look at her bare arms as she removed the vest top too. We both knew that would only draw attention to her.

She slipped herself gracefully to the pools edge and Emmett helped her get in. She shivered from the water and smiled at me encouragingly.

I prayed to God that we were distracting the boys enough for them to not notice our arms. I stopped myself from peeking to see if the stuff was working. It was so hard. "Edward," I began instead. "We should play a game."

"Sharks?" Emmett suggested as he slipped into the water next to Rose.

I looked to Edward questionably and he shook his head. "It's water tag. People will have to touch you to tag you."

I was up for challenges today. "So? Let's do it. I want to be able to touch people and I trust you guys."

Edward got Esme, Carlisle, Jasper and Alice into the pool and everyone else was told to chill out in the Jacuzzi or on the sun beds. Carlisle wanted it to be familiar people in the pool so that I wouldn't be so scared.

"Oooh, oooh, oooh!" Alice said eagerly. "We can play colors next!"

That was a game I knew well!

I stayed close to Edward as Rose was elected to be on it. We all spread ourselves out and got ready to swim.

As Rose began circling the pool and cornering us effectively, Edward lifted me up onto his back and ran (which was kind of cheating) through the water which got us out of the way of Rose.

I laughed and hooked onto him tightly as I felt myself slipping. "You're not supposed to cheat."

"There are no rules about not running in the pool. I think we're safe." I could hear the grin in his words.

I shrugged. "True." I would've said something more but unlike me, Edward saw Rose coming towards us and rushed towards the right; making Rose run into the pools wall.

Esme was standing patiently in the middle of the pool with her hands in the air; signaling that she was caught and needed to be rescued.

Edward clutched me tighter and dove towards his mother quickly. He swam around her so that he could see anyone coming from in front of us, and quickly tag her before we were off again.

Alice and Jasper both got caught at the same times – thanks to Rosalie being smart and reach out to both sides of her to get them both – and so we went to rescue them too.

The rules were that if you got stuck more than 3 times, then you were out of the game. Esme was now stuck for her 2nd time but Carlisle swam to successfully rescue her.

Rose grinned from the shallow end of the pool – signaling for everyone to stop for a few seconds as she caught her breath. "Wow, this is hard."

Emmett climbed onto the pool's side secretly – which was definitely against the rule: no getting out of the water – and stretched out his huge body. He fell onto the water heavily and sent a huge splash of water towards Rose.

The attack blinded her for a few seconds and we took that as an opportunity to swim further away.

Unfortunately, Edward and I weren't as good as we thought and we were tagged a few seconds later by Rose who cheered in happiness.

The game went on and on for what seemed like hours and as I rested on Edward's back, I was starting to drop off to sleep.

Esme, Emmett, Alice and Jasper were now all out of the game and so that left Carlisle, Edward and I to battle it off against each other.

Rose attacked Carlisle from behind and he slapped his head in defeat. "Aw, that was a great game! But I think it's right to announce that Edward and Bella are the winners!"

We bumped fists in triumph and he swooped me over his shoulders and threw me like a bomb down under the water.

It took me a few seconds to get back up to the surface and when I did, I slapped him playfully. "I'm getting cold, can we skip Alice's game?"

He nodded and helped me to the side of the pool where – like a gentleman – he lifted me up onto my feet and climbed up gracefully beside me. We walked to chairs in the sun and he handed me a fresh, warm towel.

I wrapped it around me and sat cross-legged on the large chair. I knew I looked totally unattractive but Edward didn't stop staring at me.

He finally looked away with a small smile on his face and reached over and brought a cooler bag onto his lap. "Just like being on holidays!" He said with a laugh. "Esme likes to make these pool parties fun and exciting. It's the full holiday package in our very own hometown."

I smiled. "It really is a great pool party. I never thought it would be like this."

"Good or bad?" He asked, looking away from the watermelon he was chopping up to look at me.

"Definitely good." I reached out for the slice of watermelon he offered me; the towel slipping free a fraction. I froze. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the bright, red cuts. My breath seemed to get stuck in my throat and the watermelon went tumbling to the floor.

Edward slowly reached down and picked it up but he kept his eyes locked with mine the whole time. Very slowly, a tear slipped down from the corner of his eye and rolled off his cheek. "Bella…"

* * *

OMG! I loved writing this! Uh-oh! Edward knows!

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	17. Deepest Feelings

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan**  
**

I looked over to Rosalie in fear who caught my eye from where she was standing in the pool. She took in the situation and I hoped she got my eye gestures to get the hell out of there.

She did. She quickly and secretly climbed out of the pool and rushed off inside to find some clothes. No one had to know about her.

I looked back at Edward. He was staring at me carefully and began to speak when I shook my head. "Not here."

I wanted to turn and run but I managed to keep myself from moving. I had to face this; to make sure he didn't tell. Carefully I slipped on my clothes as he did the same.

He nodded in understanding and started to walk off towards the river.

I followed behind him quickly and we didn't speak until we got the bench that I'd first talked to Edward on.

For a few long minutes he sat staring out at the water – anger swirling in his eyes – then he looked over to me. "Why didn't you tell me?" His words were barely audible.

The question wasn't what I had prepared myself to hear. Something along the lines of "Why did you do it?" would have cut it straight.

I drummed at my fingers. "Because it's not something you should tell."

He didn't argue. He sighed and ran his hand over his eyes. "I…I don't know what to say. You can't do it anymore Bella…"

I narrowed my eyes. "It's not your decision. I can do what I want!"

He looked like he was about to cry again. "Please Bella…" His plea broke halfway. He rubbed at his eyes and looked out at the water. "I don't want you to hurt yourself…"

I stared at him. I didn't know what to say to him. I wasn't mad because he'd found out; I was actually pretty calm. Having Edward know didn't seem like such a big deal.

Edward was the type of person that liked to keep to himself and on first meetings, he was never really open. But as soon as you warm up to him, he's the best person you could ever have in your life. He's smart, caring, loving and non-judgmental.

"It doesn't matter what you think, Edward. You don't understand."

"Don't I?" He asked quietly; cocking his head to the side.

I narrowed my eyes at him. What did he mean? How could he possibly understand this? How could he understand someone hurting themselves?

"No." I said firmly, shaking my head.

He smiled lightly and I saw a hint of amusement in his swirling eyes. "Oh, I see." He shuffled closer to me and slowly touched my hand.

I controlled myself enough not to push away from him. "Please leave it Edward. Please don't tell anyone…"

He looked straight into my eyes. "I won't. I promise. I wouldn't do that to you."

I smiled softly. "Thank you, Edward. But you're not going to let this slide are you?" I pulled myself up from the bench and began walking away.

"No," I heard him whisper softly. "It'll be okay Bella."

Edward Cullen

The words I longed to say to her combusted inside my throat. I watched her go; a small feeling of sadness welling in the pit of my stomach. I let her go, not because I wanted to, but because I knew she was going through enough already. She didn't need me forcing her to tell someone about her problem. I wasn't in the right position to tell either. It wouldn't be fair of me. Not with the life I had.

When I saw Bella disappear back into the party safely, I wandered across the garden. My mind was racing, dancing even. So many thoughts and feelings were swirling around like a whirlpool. I was a master. I'd been told I'd never truly been good at anything but I _was_ good at something. I was good at hiding my thoughts and feelings, my true opinion on the world and scenes around me.

Everyone thought that I was okay. That living with the Cullen's was the best thing for me and that I was one of the happiest children out of the five. Whoever thought that of me was wrong. They were far from the truth. This wasn't the life I was living on the inside.

There's so much emotion behind one, little smile. Sometimes, the people with the prettiest smiles are the ones with the deepest secrets. Sometimes, you have to look past what's on the outside to see the truth on the inside. Unfortunately, people don't look for more than they see. They believe that what they see is true. It's not true.

Carlisle and Esme had been parents to me since I was 3 years old. This meant that I didn't know my real parents and that I didn't have any memories of them. I spent all of my life living with Carlisle and Esme and they were great people. I just didn't want to tell them my problems. Everyday when I came home from school they'd ask me the same question; "How are you, Edward?", and I'd answer with "I'm fine." because I cared too much about them to put my pain on them.

In times like these; when I saw other people in pain; it triggered the emotions inside me. And it wasn't a good thing. It stirred the deepest feelings inside me; rocked me and gripped me like seaweed in icy water. I couldn't handle these feelings, and they became too much.

I sat down on the boulder at the edge of the river and let my feet sink into the beautiful, ice-cold water. I thought of Bella and all the pain she'd held inside of her. She'd gone through life hiding her pain and covering it with fake smiles and she harmed herself both physically and mentally because of the pain. Wasn't that what I was doing? If I continued, would I end up like Bella? I didn't want to get that bad.

Yes, I got sad; I got depressed; almost all the time. But I was able to get on and laugh and be like any other normal person. Bella was broken – you could see it on her face 24/7. She was constantly hurting. Was this how I was going to become?

Fear engrossed me. I pushed down the lump in my throat and stood from the river with all my force. I needed to tell Carlisle and Esme. I needed to tell them. Not about Bella. About myself.

I forced my muscles into moving and made a run for it towards the house. Just before Bella and I had walked off to the river, I'd seen Esme get out of the pool to get some drinks. Carlisle had followed close behind soon after. I prayed they were in the house; the pool area would be too public.

I pushed open the screen door and wiped the sweat off of me with the back of my hand. "Mom?" I called out hesitantly. I felt guilty about calling Esme and Carlisle my parents when I had parents myself. They just weren't around me anymore.

Esme popped her head out from the kitchen and gave me a motherly smile. It nearly made me back down. "Edward, dear, are you okay?"

I took quiet, deep breaths as I reached her and took a seat around the kitchen table. I stared at the oak wood silently.

She took a seat and reached for my hand; gently caressing it in her smooth one. "Do you want your father in here too?"

I was about to tell her that was impossible; of course, father was dead, but I simply nodded.

She smiled nervously and called for Carlisle.

He came from the front room carrying a medical book in his hands. I didn't study the title too long. I wondered why they weren't out in the pool. It was their party after all.

He took in the scene around him and pulled up a chair next to Esme. "Edward?" He asked curiously. "Is there something wrong with Bella?"

"Not Bella," I whispered then cleared my throat. "Me."

They both looked at me with identical, confused looks that soon turned into concern. "Go on," Esme urged gently. "It's alright."

I felt a tear roll down my eye gently as I released my darkest secrets. All the pain and suffering I'd hidden up with fake smiles and laughter all came pouring out of me. I didn't know why Bella made me have this breakthrough, but even though it felt like the hardest thing in the world, I knew they'd help me. "And…and…I don't want to be broken anymore."

Esme had tears pouring down her face and she came around the table to pull me into a warm, secure hug. "You don't have to be broken anymore, sweetheart. Everything's going to be fine. Carlisle's going to make you better."

I peered at him over Esme's shoulder and he nodded sadly. "It's going to be okay, son. I just wish you'd spoken sooner."

"I was scared." I murmured. "I didn't even know what was going on myself. I think I'm messed up."

"Oh, no sweetie," Esme soothed gently. "You're not messed up, you just have some _wrong _ways of coping. You know we are here to talk to if you need us."

I wiped at my tears; hoping no one would walk in. "I know…"

Carlisle moved to kneel beside me. "Edward, did anything Bella did or does trigger you into anything?"

I swallowed the lump inside my throat. "She didn't trigger it…I've been doing it for years."

Esme seemed to hold her breath for a few seconds. "Can you tell us, Edward? Tell us what you've been doing?"

The tears flowed freely down my eyes as I looked at their innocent faces. "I can show you…" I trailed off.

I stood up from the table and held onto it for support with my one hand, and then I reached down and tugged up the bottom of my shorts. I looked away and stared at the yellowy wall.

Esme gasped and Carlisle reached forwards; running his hand along the endless lines and lines of new and old bright red scars and cuts.

* * *

When someone understands you and knows exactly what you're going through, it's easier for them to help you. This is part of Bella's recovery – through Edward bonds will form because of their similarities. Please, if anyone around you looks the slightest bit upset; talk to them. It could make a huge difference!

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	18. Why would you do this to yourself?

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

"Oh, Edward…" Esme sobbed quietly as she pulled me into her arms. We stood there in the kitchen; her grasping tightly to me, and me cuddling into her warmth.

She gently reached down and pulled my shorts over the cuts and laid her hand there; as if it would heal them. But of course, they wouldn't go like that. Very slowly and watchfully, she pulled away from me and cupped my face. "Promise me Edward. Promise me that if you need someone, you'll come to me…"

I nodded as the tears fell down my face. "I promise, Mom, I promise." I reached for her through my tears; I needed someone to hold.

Her face confronted into pain as tears began falling down her face too. "My son," She murmured. "My poor baby."

Carlisle watched us from the side; standing calmly as he watched the scene in front of him. He knew that Esme and I both needed this moment. He was an amazing dad, he really was. The only problem was; he didn't think he had to get involved with the love side of things.

I reached my one hand out to him as I continued hugging Esme, and invited him to join us.

He looked taken aback but he came willingly and wrapped himself in the embrace.

I cried more than I ever had in my life then. I cried until I couldn't see or breathe.

Esme Cullen

Most women bring their children into the world themselves and that love starts even before that child is born. It's a wonderful feeling – watching your child strive and turn into a person in the womb and then to see them up front when they open their little eyes and stare up at you. It truly is wonderful. But a woman doesn't only love a child that comes from herself; it's possible to love another child as your own, too.

Edward was the only adopted child out of my five, but he was loved in the exactly same way as the rest of them. Though, unlike the others; his welcome to our family was different. He didn't arrive home from the hospital newly born; he was born through my heart.

Endless times when Edward had been a child, I'd sat down with him and explained to him that he was special because unlike his siblings – who came from mommy's belly – he came from mommy's heart. He'd never thought anything of it.

My love for Edward was just like any other mother who loved their children. I considered Edward one of my own and I'd be there for him whenever he needed me. Of course, most adopted children will be troubled. Something obviously went on in their life to be put in care in the first place. Edward hadn't given us much trouble through his life – just the odd mishaps here and there, just like any other child.

When your child does something wrong or something that you don't like, that love doesn't disappear. A love for a child is eternal. Nothing that that child does will ever take away that love. They should always be loved; no matter what they do.

When I'd seen those cuts and scars covering Edward's perfect skin, I couldn't hold in my grasp. The sight was horrifying to my eyes but yet I still loved him. They weren't disgraceful or horrible, they just hurt. They were hurting him and they were hurting me.

I was going to stand by him, and I was going to love him and help him. I was going to make him better because he was my son.

Self-harm wasn't a subject I knew much about, but I knew that someone wouldn't harm themselves in this way unless they were truly hurting or needed control over something. This subject shouldn't be taken lightly either.

That is why I was stood quietly in the doorway; observing the sight in front of me. As I watched them, the sound disappeared and I could only see.

Carlisle sat at the side of his desk; leaning on his hands as he talked softly to Edward who sat on the soft, plush chair perched in front of him.

Edward's tousled, bronze hair shone in the light coming through the large, bay window as he stared down. He was shaking slightly as he told Carlisle how he was feeling and how badly he wanted things to get better. Tears bubbled in the corners of his eyes and he reached up absently to brush them away.

Carlisle reached out for his son and offered him a Kleenex. He soothed him and assured him; telling him that we'd be here for him.

Then all the sound rushed back to my world. It all came back; like the traffic on a busy highway. My heart nearly broke to pieces.

Carlisle was opening his mouth; ready to say the words that would send our son into a panic. "Edward, why would you do this to yourself?"

That was all Edward needed. The Kleenex that was grasped tightly in his fist fell to the carpet as he suddenly became limp. "No, no, no." He whispered. He shook his head furiously and I stepped a little closer into the room.

Carlisle's anger was beginning to take over. He was good at controlling his anger but lately it was getting off track. "Edward, you need to tell me so that I can help you! There are so many _other_ ways of dealing! _Why _would you choose this, why would you? You must have known what it would do to you, the addiction it would cause? Why would you do this to yourself?" He pleaded, his anger having been temporarily subsided in place of grief.

Even from where I was standing, I could see Edward's breathing begin to pick up. His mouth began forming the same question, again and again: "_Why would you do this to yourself?_ _Why would you do this to yourself?"_

I couldn't bear to watch him; it was hurting my heart. But still, I kept my ground and watched our poor son fight this battle; waited for him to tell us why.

Carlisle finally sensed that Edward couldn't deal with this. He'd noticed too that Edward had reached his limit. In an instant, Carlisle was by his side, checking his pulse by hand while apologizing profusely, trying urgently to calm Edward down. It wasn't working.

Edward was working himself up by the minute.

"_Why would you do this to yourself? Why would you do this to yourself?"_

Sweat began to dew up on Edward's forehead, and he slumped forwards towards Carlisle who instinctively reached out for him. "Edward? It's alright. Edward, I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me; it's fine." He carefully pulled Edward to the ground and once again reached for his pulse. "It's alright, son. It's fine. Calm down. Nice, steady breaths. Come on…"

"I'm not- I tried-I _couldn't_-" Edward failed to form a complete sentence; part of this was due to the fact that he was unable to breathe.

"_Why would you do this to yourself?_ _Why would you do this to yourself?_ _Why would you do this to yourself?"_

I rushed to my Edward as I finally began to take control of my body again. I pulled him from Carlisle and caressed his cheek softly. I shook him delicately; begging for him to calm down. I was hardly aware of Carlisle moving towards his desk.

"Esme," Carlisle called my name as he bent back down beside me. I swallowed a lump in my throat as I saw the needle held firmly in his grasp. He gestured to Edward and nervously I lifted him over.

"Its okay, Edward." I whispered as Carlisle got the needle ready. "You don't need to tell us. We're so sorry." He closed his mouth, and then opened it again when he realized it was even harder to breathe.

Carlisle slowly slid the needle into his skin; sending a wave of calmness over Edward.

I sat there and cradled him and supported his head like a newborn baby as his body began to relax and his eyes gently shut.

There was no place better than a mother's arms. A mother and a child were one; were whole.

My baby was hurting, and because of that, my heart was broken.

* * *

To, TheSinger1305; in your review you said that someone needs to be there for them; someone who they can talk too and say that it's wrong to do what they do instead of saying they do it too, and thanks for this :') I was going to develop the story so that Carlisle and Esme could be there for them if they needed to talk, though when someone's going through this (Bella's life) then it seems like the hardest thing in the world to tell someone, and if that person says you need help; you immediately say and think you don't; that you're fine the way you are. Of course, sometimes people want people to be there for them, but just remember that Bella's and Rose are both very broken and that they'll take a lot more time to trust adults than Edward. Thanks for your input though, I totally get what you mean :)

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	19. I can do this

Secrets That Kill

Summary:  Bella is diagnosed with Anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids help her out? What if someone else is hurting but all the attention is on her and this person reaches their limit? Will this person be saved? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

"_I'll be by your side, wherever you fall. In the dead of night, whenever you call. And please don't fight these hands that are holding you…My hands are holding you…"_I sung softly, almost humming, as I rocked Edward gently from side to side.

He lay peacefully on my lap like a newborn baby – my one arm supporting his neck and the other securely across his lap; resting soothingly on his cuts.

The sedative was slowly wearing off and he was beginning to resurface. Carlisle had left us in privacy on the floor of his office so that he could go and say thank you and goodbye to our guests and to get all the children inside, cleaned, and chilled out before bed.

Of course, there'd been questions. "Where's Edward?" or "Is Ed okay?" Mainly they came from Rose and Emmett. To my surprise, Bella had remained quite quiet according to Carlisle.

Edward's serene breathing abruptly started. I shifted him into a sitting position on my lap and soothed him sympathetically. I knew that sedatives could have a confusing effect on the brain. I knew I'd do everything I could to keep Edward from a panic.

Edward opened his eyes and stared up at me – blinking carefully – for a few moments before his voice came back to him. "M-m…" He stumbled along his word. "M-o-" He reached for me and I snuggled him closer. "M-mom." He stammered.

"It's alright, Edward. You're alright. It's just you and me, we're fine." I watched Edward process my words and I saw the slightest bit of comfort on his face. Despite this, I felt like a failure. My son was hurting, in more ways than I knew, and I'd just sat by and down nothing. I hadn't been able to help him, and he hadn't been able to tell us. When had everything started falling like this?

For a while, we just sat still in the room; both of us listening to the others breathing. The scene was somewhat peaceful, but debating in its own. The silence gave me – and Edward – time to reflect on thoughts and feelings, and these thoughts and feelings weren't good ones. As a mother, I was very concerned for my son's well being and concerned for him in general. Of course I wanted answers to why he would do this, but I knew this had to wait. It was the most frustrating and wounding thing I'd ever witnessed in my life.

Sometime later, Carlisle interrupted the silence and came into the room. "The kids are all downstairs watching a movie. They're all very worried. It's alright – they don't know anything. They think you're not feeling too well." He bent down by the side of me and pulled out his pocket light. He shone the light in both of Edward's eyes and then checked his pulse. "How are you feeling?"

Edward squinted and rubbed at his eyes. "I…tired…I…confused, overwhelmed?"

Carlisle gave one, sharp nod. "Okay, that's normal. Up we go." Without warning he lifted Edward into his arms and stood up. It wasn't surprising; Carlisle was a very strong man, and Edward wasn't as big as his brothers. "Do you want to go downstairs or to your room?"

"Downstairs…" Edward started. "Not…make others…worry."

On the way to the front room I stopped in Edward's room to get his blanket and pillow and then followed Carlisle down the stairs. When we got to the front room, all the children turned their heads from the TV to stare at Edward in Carlisle's arms. Bella nearly fell off her chair, and the others were all gaping.

Carlisle gently led Edward down sideways on the couch that Bella was occupying – knowing that Bella wouldn't mind Edward's company. He then told Edward to curl up his legs a little so they weren't frayed over Bella's lap, but she told Carlisle she didn't mind.

I propped the pillow under his matted, tousled curls and kissed his cheek gently, before I tucked the blanket around his legs and gently resting them back onto Bella.

She smiled at me softly and reached for Edward's hand; gently rubbing circles in his palm with her thumb.

Bella Swan

Throughout the rest of the movie after Esme and Carlisle had left to go to bed, I couldn't stop staring at Edward. At some point during one of the graphic fighting scenes – Emmett had picked the movie – he'd fallen asleep. He was sleeping on his side with his face flattened against his pillow, and stray strands of his bronze, tousled curls rested softly over his eyes.

This was the first time I'd seen Edward so peaceful, and I liked it a lot. He looked so vulnerable and at his weakest that I just wanted to snuggle down with him and comfort him for whatever he was worried about.

I'd gone back to the party without Edward, and I'd felt guilty for that. I'd just left him alone on the bench when he was trying to help me. I was such a horrible person. No wonder people gave up on me and rejected me; I always ignored them and refused to let them help.

Edward had really tried to help me these last few days and I wasn't treating him well. Was his current state because of me? Had he done something? No, Edward was absolutely perfect – just like God, he wouldn't have done something. He wouldn't take me seriously…would he?

When I'd got back to the party, it'd calmed down a little and I went off in search for Rose who I found in her bedroom writing in her diary. We'd sat there together and I told her all about what Edward said to me and how he wouldn't tell. She was so surprised because how he'd reacted with her when she'd had Anorexia.

Then we'd just gotten on and laughed and joked; as if we didn't care about anything. Why had I been so selfish? I could've offered for Edward to hang out with us.

I was startled out of my thoughts when the hand closed around me slowly started to move. My eyes re-focused to find Edward shifting and waking up. I smiled reassuringly at him when his eyes were fully open. "Hey." I whispered.

"Hey yourself," He whispered quietly and pulled himself up. He quickly grasped his head. "Ow." He muttered.

Emmett immediately turned from his engrossment in the film and grinned at his brother. "Hey Ed! I thought you were a dead man! You alright?"

Edward raised his eyebrows. "Um…yes, I'm fine, Emmett."

Alice gracefully enclosed her brother in a hug. "Glad you're okay. Was a little worried!" Without a word, she made her way upstairs to her room. "Night guys." She stopped. "Night Bella!"

"Goodnight, Alice." I helped Edward to a sitting position, and when the movie was over, Rose and I helped him to his room and sat with him on his bed. He looked quite out of it, but he looked like he needed to speak.

I sat cross-legged on the bed in front of him and he took my hand. "T-thank you, Bella. Thank you."

A shot a puzzled look at Rose but she simply shrugged and urged her brother on.

"You…you're both very amazing. You both mean so much to me. So very much. You're both like real sisters – if I'd ever had any. You mean a lot. A lot. I'll help you…I'll try. I love you both. I love you, Bella."

My heart swelled at that moment. He loved me. Edward loved me. What on earth was I thinking? Edward didn't _love _me. He loved me as a friend. Nothing else, just a friend, I told myself silently.

I left his room feeling warm and fuzzy, and even when Carlisle came up to connect up my NG tube and talk with me about treatment, I still felt fuzzy. I was happy, and I knew Edward was my reason. I could do this – if not for myself, but for the people around me.

* * *

I know that this story is a little Edward-centered and happy at the moment and doesn't focus on Bella's treatment, but these chapters are crucial to the ending. I've updated and changed the summary, so you might want to go and look. You might get what I'm thinking, you might not. Either way, hope you enjoyed this!

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	20. Endotracheal intubation

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

A few months later

"Bella," Esme coaxed softly. "Will you please eat this one last spoonful?"

I stared down at the mushy substance that she hovered in front of my face, and shook my head no. Rosalie, Esme and I were in the kitchen – Rosalie holding me to the chair, and Esme trying to make me eat my food.

I'd gotten better. Only a little bit. A few weeks after I had the tube, Carlisle agreed to remove it and now and again I ate a few spoonfuls of soup and kept myself hydrated. Ever since, Rosalie agreed to eat a mouthful of food every time I did so that we were even. It was a hard deal but I was getting on with it well. The only reason why I didn't want this spoonful now was because I'd eaten nearly half of the plate already.

Esme gave me a pointed look and shoved the spoon further.

I sighed and gave in – I had to do this. I did.

Esme clapped happily and thankfully took the rest of the food to the garbage bin. "You're doing well, Bella. Well done."

I smiled. "Thanks, Esme."

It was true, I was getting better and everyone was so proud of me. I'd put on a few lbs already and even though it didn't seem much, everyone was very pleased with me. I didn't try to take the lbs off me anymore – I didn't mind being like this.

I still didn't like eating in front of all the Cullen's though or Charlie when he joined for dinner sometimes too.

After Rose and I helped Esme clean up, we went back up to her room to do her homework (I still wasn't in school) and then we joined Emmett and Alice for some games. Edward didn't want to join in.

"Bella…" Alice trailed off as I snapped back to reality from my daydreaming. "It's your turn."

"Oh." I moved my counter across the board and tried to pay attention to the game before me. Unfortunately I couldn't. All I could think about was Edward and how closed off he'd been lately. It made me want to cry. At first when Edward hadn't been feeling too great, Carlisle had talked to him in his office everyday but now he doesn't. Edward doesn't even come out of his room anymore. Sometimes I'll see him dragging himself to the washroom or to get something to eat, but he doesn't speak. He hardly moves from his bed. I just didn't know what to do – I wanted to reach out to him but I was scared.

"What's wrong?" Emmett interrupted my thoughts.

I closed my eyes briefly and took in the scene around me. The four of us were sat around the square little board game. Me, Rose, Emmett and Alice. No Edward. They didn't even seem to notice. "Nothing, I'm just a bit tired after that water park today."

Emmett grinned. "Awe, poor Belsie."

I laughed. "It was totally unfair that you left me in that tunnel. I was so scared."

Everyone laughed and Rose hugged me. "Awe, be glad I found you then!"

After an hour, Rose finally beat us all and we were all too tired to play another game, so we all went to Emmett's room to chill out. Once again I couldn't help thinking about Edward. Maybe I should have gone around to his room and asked him to join, but I didn't.

Later on I felt bad, so I crept across the landing quietly and knocked softly on his bedroom door.

For a painful few minutes, there was no answer. I was starting to freak out and was about to walk off, when the door slowly opened. I was shocked with what I saw.

Edward stared at me lifelessly – his emerald eyes just staring and not swirling as they used to be. He carried himself in a careless manner – his shoulders slumped and his feet sagging. He also had dark blue bags under his eyes and his perfect maine was ruffled and messy.

"Hey Edward…" I whispered. I couldn't seem to find my voice.

He nodded curtly and was about to shut the door when I stopped it with my foot.

I shook my head. "No, I want to hang out with you. Can I?"

He stood there for a few moments – debating what he should do – before he pursed his lips. "Sorry, Bella." I hardly recognized his voice. As I stood there in shock, he softly closed the door.

I crept back to bed and slid into the covers – quickly giving Rosalie a once over to make she was alright – before closing my eyes.

Edward rejecting me hurt more than it should have. I tried not to let it get to me and eventually I fell asleep.

I woke up to sirens. At first I thought it was the alarm clock and tried to reach out and turn it off but someone grabbed me and pulled me out of bed. I held in my scream tightly only to find out it was Rose.

Tears were streaming down her face.

"Rose?" I choked. "Rose, what's wrong?"

She said nothing. She simply sobbed harder and pointed towards her open door.

There were lights on throughout the hallway. I saw an EMT woman carrying an oxygen tank into Edward's bedroom. That was enough to set me off.

I rushed across the landing without knowing so, and ran straight into Edward's room.

I stopped in my tracks – the breath leaving me as soon as it was there. Edward lay on his bed – surrounded by the three EMT's. The woman held the oxygen mask over his face and asked him questions.

I turned to a sobbing Esme who watched her husband trying to help their son. "Esme, what happened?"

She turned to me – tears down her face. "I…I don't know. I came in here to turn off his alarm clock and he was struggling to breathe."

My heart froze, and I lurched forward towards Edward. I was pushed aside by one of the EMT's but I didn't care. I wasn't going to leave Edward like this. Eventually, the EMT's stopped paying attention to me and began to help Edward.

As they assessed him, I saw the marks around his neck. I couldn't tell what they were from. An object or hands? It made me feel sick though. Why was Edward struggling like this?

It didn't take them long to get Edward into the ambulance and on his way to the hospital. Esme tried to keep all of us away from it but I couldn't help but listen in.

We were in the waiting room of the busy ER and Esme and Carlisle had just followed a doctor around the corner of the corridor. It's not like I tried to listen in, I was just the closest to them.

The kind doctor spoke in a soothing voice; trying to break her news as composed as possible. "Mr and Mrs. Cullen, we believe that Edward's breathing difficulties have occurred from attempted suicide. Of course, we'll bring great support during this time. Edward has been given fluid resuscitation. We're also securing his airway through endotracheal intubation as he's unable to breathe on his own. You'll be able to see him for a few moments before we move him to a more suited ward."

I think that's when my heart collapsed.

* * *

Guys, this is such a bad chapter. I know it, please don't rub it in. Right now I'm going through some stuff. I've got Depression and some other things and I've just lost all inspiration…It took me multiple weeks to just write this, and I'm so not happy with it. Everything right now sucks. I hope you can understand and you'll be patient with me.

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	21. Code blue!

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

It's not a feeling that you can "cheer up" from. It's like cancer; it ruins your life and every aspect of it. Although it doesn't eat your cells away, it eats your thoughts, your feelings, your aspirations and most of all: you as a person. It's a feeling of sheer hell; indescribable. It's the thought in knowing that for that split second of happiness there will be that minute, that hour, that day, that week, that month, that year or that life time of misery to accompany that happiness which you will never truly purge yourself of.

That's what happens.

You let go and you ignore everything that makes you happy. You hold onto the misery, the angst, the brokenness and the desolation your life entails because being miserable and heart broken is only thing that your life equates to now, and what it will ever only equate to. In the end, it's better feeling empty than to not feel anything at all.

You're so empty, you're cold, and you're so tired and run down. It's so much easier pushing away the guilt. You might do it through writing or reading or singing. Others do it through abuse, purging, drinking, cutting, burning, starving, scratching or over dosing. Anything really that can distract your mind away from the obsession of misery. You will mostly spend your nights alone, sitting and staring at nothing. Completing mindless tasks over and over as if they have some sort of importance, some sort of relevance, as if you are really doing something useful.

You do not have to be in a hospital bed, with drips, bandages or needles to be sick and make people worry. To make people realize that you're just a sad little boy who is actually sick and in need of help. Of course this cancer will have destroyed any self-esteem you might have had, and you'll be too scared to ask for the help you need. Days and days pass and you hope someone will notice your slow, meticulous self-destruction.

Then one-minute things will go wrong, and you'll fall apart all over again. Then you start to truly deteriorate in your condition. You start physically shaking, and all you can think about is suicide and ways to end your life.

Then it happens.

How stupid were you for even considering that things could get better?

"Edward?" I knew that voice. I turned my head slightly – trying not to outwardly wince at the burn in my neck. I could hardly move with the tubes in my throat and nose. It hurt to even breathe. Not that I wanted to breathe. I watched as Rose made her way over to the hospital bed and sat herself down. I tried not to pull away when she took my fragile hand in hers.

I made a slight noise – which was supposed to be a welcome, if not for the tube.

She smiled slightly and rubbed my hand. "You had us worried, you know. I felt so scared when I saw you out with all those tubes…and even now you're on ventilation." She looked away. "We didn't know…"

I tried to console her as best as I could. I reached for her face with my free hand and brushed away the tears. It hurt to move.

She patted my hand and lowered it to the bed. "Don't, I know it hurts. You don't need to say or do anything. You just rest okay?"

I wanted to ask her where my parents were. I pointed to the door slowly and raised my eyebrows.

"Where are the others?" She asked. I nodded. "Mom and dad are trying to calm the others. Emmett's going haywire – he hit one of the doctors. Alice broke down in the canteen so Jasper took her home and Bella…" she broke off.

I forced her to make eye-contact with her. Where was Bella?

She took a deep breath. "Bella…she locked herself in the restroom. The nurses are trying to get her out – you can hear her crying."

I hurt them. I hurt them all. Worthless, unwanted, neglected Edward was actually cared for by his family…for a moment. When I was released, it would go back to being all about the rest of the house. No one bothered to check on anyone anymore.

Dad stopped helping me with the cutting – simply telling me I needed to stop and no longer bringing it up with me. I didn't stop. And Mom found the subject too hard to deal or talk about so she ignored it completely. I hid out in my room and pretended I didn't exist.

No one noticed. They never had.

Rosalie sat with me for 2 more hours and then left when a nurse came and told her Bella had finally come out of the restroom. I could hear Bella outside the room – telling Rosalie she needed to see me, but Rosalie denying the request.

I didn't hear much then – I sunk in and out of consciousness – it was hard to breathe. I knew something was wrong. It shouldn't have been this hard, not with the tube. It was the tubes job to assist my breathing, not to destroy it.

The screeching started then. A high-pitched beeping that made me want to scream. I heard the doors to my private room fling open with a sudden force and doctors and nurses fussing over me.

Why couldn't they just quit it? Why didn't they just rip the tube out of my throat and let me die?

I felt my doctor's hand on my pulse. "Edward?" I could hear his voice but my vision had gone black. "Code Orange! Code orange!" He repeated loudly.

I fumbled my brain for the two words. Where was I? The hospital. Code orange, code orange…Carlisle had taught me the hospital code multiple times. Code orange meant the patients health was declining rapidly.

I didn't care. Let me die. Just let them fail at their job. I wanted to push their hands away from me – to hit them and get myself off of the bed but I didn't have the strength too.

A higher amount of oxygen was being attached to the tube in my throat and I felt the force of the air travel through to my chest. I held my breath – forcing the oxygen to leave my body.

Then I heard the voices.

"Bella, how do you keep a person alive that has lost the will to survive?"

Her answer was quick. "You can't, Rose. If he wants it so badly…it'll happen."

The code orange quickly turned into a code blue.

Code blue, I thought…

Oh, I know. Cardiac arrest.

I opened my eyes one last time – absorbing Bella's beautiful orbs. _I love you. I always did. _I thought, and then the scene around me went black.

* * *

I thought I'd get this up while the inspiration was there…not that anyone reads this story anyway anymore.

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	22. My name is Edward Cullen

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

Bella Swan – 3 weeks later

Cramped. Dominated by a bed. Bedside table, comfortable chair and two dining type chairs. Decorated in colors designed to be restful but come off as akin to a decorators choices for a funeral home. Desperately trying to look like someone's bedroom but lacking personality.

Cold, institutional tile floor. Window that looks out on neighbouring roofs, no real view.

Private bath that can't conceal its functionality. Handicap railing on toilet, shower and tub. Entry to both hospital room and private bath is a large heavy door engineered to open quietly and won't slam. Bed somewhat lumpy with padding and sheets that are trying to mask the thick plastic covering the mattress. Sheets in sterile white with pale blue blanket. Phone attached to the bed with a cord. Call button also attached to the bed. Several different lighting options (fluorescent for the most part), light for the whole room, light for just the entryway, light for just the bed, bedside light. Room never completely dark.

Emesis basin, plastic, again in restful colors, with a matching plastic pitcher on the bedside table. Little table attached to the underside of the bed that you can move around the bed, to keep everything handy. Quite a few personal belonging scattered about. IV pole with a digital monitoring system that tends to beep every time you move. Gets clogged easy. Beeps incessantly when a new bag is needed.

Welcome to Edward's room. If you could call it that.

"Bella…" I could barely hear Esme even though she was stood right beside me. She touched my shoulder softly. "Bella, we need to go home sweetheart. It's getting late."

I didn't even move my eyes to see her this time. They wanted and did focus on only one thing. Only one person. Edward. My eyes and head found it impossible to focus on the sight of Edward lying lifelessly on the hospital bed, a number of tubes going in to him all over the place. I just couldn't take it. I knew that him surviving was a miracle. That Carlisle and the cardiac arrest team along with other doctors had tried even harder than they should have to bring him back. Even now though, with his breathing coming from machine, he was vulnerable and in danger. Anything could happen.

I couldn't leave him.

I managed to shake my head just a tiny bit and Esme sighed. She didn't put up a fight though, she simply left the room and went home with the others.

It didn't bother me. Edward was trapped in this place so the best I could do was stay there with him.

Edward lay there silently, the only sign of life being the gentle lift of his chest. I wanted to cry. That little bit of movement was so precious and it could leave in an instant. I felt sick.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to keep Edward alive on this ventilator if he didn't want to live but I couldn't bear to let him go either. I just couldn't do it.

I grasped his hand tightly, making patterns with my fingers. "Please come back, Edward. Please just keep fighting, please keep breathing. We can work it out. I promise I'll listen to you, I'll help you Edward, I will. I won't abandon you. Edward…..I love you."

Of course, all I got was silence. I knew that. But they said talking to him might help. I felt so helpless despite this.

Carlisle came in a while later and pulled up one of the uncomfortable chairs and set it down quietly on the white washed floor. He smiled, keeping his eyes on me, as he lowered himself into the chair. "Hey."

"Hi." I looked away from him, keeping my eyes on Edward who was now breathing on his own. I wanted to make sure he was still here with me.

"I brought you a sandwich. You're favorite." He handed over the triangular box containing my egg and mayonnaise stuffed sandwich and watched me carefully.

I'd spent the past 3 weeks just sitting by Edward's side, only leaving to shower and change. I couldn't go on with life if Edward was like this, but he was starting to improve, and that made me a little more hopeful.

I sighed and ate the sandwich quietly, taking small bites just to make Carlisle happy. I didn't want to eat with Edward like this, but of course I had too.

"Do you…when do you think he'll wake up?" I stared at my sandwich intently.

Carlisle answered truthfully, he was always genuine. "Well, it could be weeks, even months, but the doctors say everyday he's starting to come through. I'm sure it won't be long now Bella."

I nodded, unable to speak. I just wanted him to come back to us all. It was pure heart wrenching, to see him suffer like this.

About 20 minutes later – as if Fate had made his own appearance – a soft, cold hand tightened around mine. I thought I was imaging things. I wasn't.

I lifted my eyes up from the book I was reading and those gorgeous, emerald orbs stared right back at me; a hint of confusion laced among them.

I was overjoyed.

Edward Cullen

I heard voices but couldn't understand what was being said. Blurred images of faces peered down at me and moved away, finally being sucked in by the darkness that is ever present. Consciousness fades in and out. I can't tell if I am dreaming or not. One minute I'm dangling lifelessly off of the floor, trying to break my way free. The next I feel my body being moved around on a bed and the blurred images and voices are back. I lay there forever and sometimes groan with every exhalation just to hear something.

Gradually things become clearer and I am a little bit more aware during these periods of consciousness. I was in a hospital bed with something wrapped around my neck that prevented me from moving it. My hands were strapped down to the sides of the bed but someone was gently soothing me with her voice and touch. A man came in and I try to talk to him. I stir up a commotion. Someone shouts "he's awake" and what seemed to be a blur of people, came running towards me. A blond haired man asked me if I knew my name. He told me to squeeze his hand once if I did. I did.

My name is Edward Cullen. I am 17 years old. I live with my adoptive parents. I have two sisters and two brothers…I couldn't remember anything else. It was so hard to place anything.

Where was I? How did I get here? What was wrong with me? Why am I tied down? I knew I was in a hospital but that was it. Nurses would come in and fuss with me or check the I.V.'s that seemed to be stuck in every vein I had. They told me I was in Forks, Washington and that a doctor would be in to remove the tube in my throat later on, but that for the meantime I needed to focus on breathing. The blond haired man, who I slowly remembered to be Carlisle, wouldn't tell me why I was restrained or who the brown haired, brown eyed girl was beside me.

There was a TV in the room and I was given a remote control to it, which I could sometimes operate when it didn't fall or disappear where I couldn't find or reach it. Sometimes I wouldn't remember I had a remote and would ask a nurse to turn on the TV. I would just watch it for hours and wonder about what I saw. Most of it was new to me as I couldn't pin point if I used to watch TV or not. Much of what I saw stirred me in strange ways and I seemed to cry often. Then some of my memories began to return.

They weren't good memories, a confusing patchwork of bits and pieces that I couldn't put together. None of them seemed to be pleasant, and I often woke from nightmares. There was an intense sadness attached to most of them along with anger. I knew that I had been in distress, somehow trapped, whether it was physically or just in my head. I had been suffering mentally, trying to lock people out so that it would be easier to unattach myself from them. I remember doing stuff to myself, stuff that isn't safe. I remembered a girl. I later realized this was the girl who spent her days comforting me. Her name was Bella, and I was in love with her.

I got so frustrated one night because I couldn't figure out why I was here and no one would tell me. That night grief overcame me and I began crying so hard that everyone could hear me down the hall. It was almost like the wailing cry of an injured animal.

Now that I am awake and slowly becoming cognizant, the hospital have decided that I can be entertained and are trying to get me to place events and people together. A therapist came to sit with Bella and I. She would also bring puzzles and things to test my comprehension and memory. What was most important to me was to be able to walk. I craved mobility and seemed to have a well-developed aversion to being caged, tied down, closed in, and unable to be free. People wouldn't tell me what the therapy was for, they just kept saying, "you need to find out on your own," or "it's to help you." I got so frustrated that I'd just look out of the window sometimes and have the feeling to jump; to finally be free. I was so trapped and scared.

After waking up, I stayed in the hospital for 3 more weeks. That was a total of 6 weeks. They told me I'd suffered some minor and major damage from "my injury" but said no more.

My own mind was starting to frustrate me. Most nights I had huge, uncontrollable breakdowns that sent even Bella into tears. She wanted to tell me, she said, about what happened, but she wasn't aloud. This made me want to scream even more.

It wasn't until one night, when Bella and my mother, Esme, where asleep, that I finally started piecing together what truly had happened 6 weeks ago.

Blurred images flash across my conscience. Fragile, shaking hands reach out towards the sharp objects lined up on the desk. Bubbles of blood appear on the soft skin of the wrist and drip down to the floor. A thick, brown rope. Securing the rope around a neck. Panic. Struggling. Gagging, quiet noises. Breathing getting cut off. Feet dangling helplessly in the air. Blackness.

My body tingles and shakes at the memories.

It's at this moment where I remember.

My name is Edward Cullen. I am 17 years old. I live with my adoptive parents. I have two sisters and two brothers. Bella is anorexic and lives with us for treatment. I'm in love with her. I get ignored…

I tried to kill myself. I nearly died.

Edward nearly succeeded.

Edward will.

* * *

I've been coming to this story every day since I last updated, adding about 6 or 7 lines each day. It's took me so long just to manage this chapter, but I'm actually sort of proud now :) I'm getting better, I think. I've started a diary back-up and even went to the maid/babysitter in my house to tell her how I was feeling and everything, and it made me feel as if a big baggage was lifted off of my shoulders right there. I'm also expecting to start therapy again next week. I'm hoping to recover, for my young babies' lives…they need me x. Mia, Jenson, Jocklyn, McKenna – mommy loves you :)

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	23. Bonding

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

Bella Swan - A few weeks later 

"Are you up?" I asked, holding onto Edward's arm has he pulled himself up the last step. He came home a few days ago and because everyone was trying to focus on getting me better, I decided to take responsibility of Edward whilst he was recovering.

"Yes." He answered quietly, standing still once he reached the top. I led him across to his room and we sat down on his bed. We both stared at the machines in his bedroom. There was an oxygen tank that he only used during sleep and some various other machines that Carlisle monitored him on now and again.

It made me feel a little sick watching Edward have an NG tube taped to the side of his face and it opened my eyes to what people had to go through worrying about me.

I didn't like to be a bother, but everyone was so happy now that I'd gotten it into my head that I wasn't well and that I needed help in order to get better. Carlisle had said that was the first successful step in recovery.

He came into Edward's room – obviously hearing us come up the stairs – and gave me a gentle smile before turning his attention onto Edward.

I felt bad a lot. Simply because the Cullen's seemed more focused on me when Edward was their own flesh and blood. Whenever I tried to bring this up, they told me that they cared for all of us the same and wanted what was best for us.

I knew Edward wasn't too pleased with getting less attention. Although he wasn't normally the one to draw attention to him, lately he seemed more dependent on people and I was trying my best to be with him.

Carlisle removed his hand from Edward's forehead. "Your temperature has lowered, which is good. I think I'll have you take a few more tablets and see what the results are like. How are you feeling?"

Edward didn't look up from his bed cover. He seemed tired. "Fine." When Carlisle continued to stare at him, he continued. "A little sore…on my neck."

Carlisle nodded – still in complete doctor mode. "It'll go away in a few more days. Your body is just reacting. I can put some cream on the marks though." Following his word, he walked to his office and came back with a pot of cream. Trying to keep Edward's independence, he made him put the cream on himself. "I want you to get some rest alright? And I'll check on you later." He gave Edward a tender kiss.

Carlisle motioned for me to follow him and I did – after taking a short look at Edward. I was always going back and forth Carlisle's office, always being checked to monitor my weight, etc. It was hard work but I knew I had to do it.

I knew the routine by this point. I climbed onto the scales even before Carlisle told me too. He smiled happily at me and I could clearly see the pride in his eyes. The Cullen's loved me like their own, and Charlie was so grateful to them for helping me through.

He took my weight, checked my vital signs and then assessed me physically. After it all, I sat up onto the exam table – the white, torn paper crinkling under my weight. Quietly, I watched his pen move along my file. He set it down, staring up at me – his face blank.

Of course, Carlisle had got to know me now and couldn't keep the excitement off of his face. "Well done Bella!" He congratulated gleefully. "I'm very content with your weight, but of course we still have a long way to go. It's not a quick recovery. But, I'm very happy with how far you've come and your body has no major problems – we were able to stop them before they arose."

I tried to hide the smile, but it slipped out from my face. A few stray tears came falling down and I quickly swiped them away. "Oh, Carlisle…" I whispered, I didn't know where to start. "I wish I'd never pushed any of you away at the start…I feel so bad. All you wanted to do was help. And even though some days I still feel like the old me, and Ana makes her occurrence once in a while, I know all of your strength will get me through."

Carlisle seemed to be suppressing tears himself. "Bella, you know you don't need to thank us. You were clearly in distress, clearly needing someone to guide you along the road ahead. If we'd have been any later, I'm afraid you may have slipped completely. You know this is my job, and overtime we have all come to love you."

I smiled. "I know. In the early days, when Rosalie, Edward and the others first came to the school, I hid under the bench. Emmett accidentally touched me because I refused to have his roll, and I guess I freaked out. Now though, I don't flinch when people touch me. Not any of you or Charlie anyway. I'm not sure about strangers. It's just as the days were going I didn't think it was helping, but now I don't even think twice when someone touches me, and it makes me feel freer. I don't have to live in fear anymore, wondering if someone is going to mock me for being afraid."

Carlisle clasped his hand together, chewing on his bottom lip. "That was the same day I suspected your eating disorder was back?"

I crinkled my nose. It was indeed. I had just woken up from sleep on Charlie's couch to find him on the phone with Carlisle – my therapist. Carlisle came in, and stupidly of me I told him I felt sick and he had to examine me. He felt my stomach, and he was completely shocked. At the time, I'd put so much guilt and hatred on myself for being so stupid and letting him examine me, but thinking back on it now I was happy I'd let him.

Even though it had been the worst few weeks of my life, I was finally getting my life back.

I nodded. "Yeah, it was probably one of the worst days of my life, and I've had my plenty. I mean, I'm glad now that you found out and were so willing to help me but back then I felt so trapped. And still do sometimes…"

Carlisle leaned forward now. "Why is that, Bella?"

I knew at that instant that Carlisle had gone from family-Carlisle to therapist-Carlisle and I was no longer afraid. If I had witnessed this just 3 weeks earlier or sooner, I would have shut my mouth and stopped talking, but I had saw what my life could be like without all this depression and I wasn't ready to take a step back.

I averted my eyes to the window – staring out at the river. "Well…" I whispered. "I love your family, don't get me wrong. But I miss Charlie sometimes. And my mom. I love being here and I love that you all try to help me but sometimes I feel forced into things – like eating, drinking – and I know I _have _to be but I feel as if no one understands me…and a lot of the time I get random moments of hopelessness, tiredness and sadness. I feel like doing stuff, of going back to how it was because at least feeling empty was something." I took a deep breath and tried not to look up at Carlisle.

He was quiet for a few moments after saying my name. "Bella, look at me." It took me a while, but when I did he continued. "These things are natural. You've been through so many traumas in your life – and it's only just got started. You've had to deal with things others normally don't, you've had to figure out ways to get through, and even though they may not be the best ways, you're still here today. I'm sad to admit that the care you received when you were younger was definitely not the best way to deal with any of this and that has left you worse off."

He shuffled through my file, turning back to the front. "You were handled like an unstable adult when infact you were a confused, hurt child. The situation was not handled properly and I feel that if it was, you would infact be okay now. Of course, you're in my care now – along with the family – and if you wish I can give you medication and more therapy sessions to help you get through. We can do it Bella."

I sat there, quietly debating what he was saying. I knew there was medication but I had always been too afraid to approach a doctor and ask – too afraid that they'd see through me and need to know what I was feeling. Now Carlisle was offering me the chance.

I looked him straight in the eyes. "Please?"

* * *

Wow guys, what do you all think about the Kristen/Rob drama? I love Rob, and I feel bad for him right now, with all that he's feeling, and a little ashamed of Kristen, but we have to stay strong for the both of them. I'm proud to admit too that this news hasn't affected my writing for Twilight and I'm inspired to write more than ever :) I love Robsten, I love them both, but if it is true, Kristen and Rupert were very wrong. What are your opinions guys?

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	24. Duck whisperer

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan 

It was week 1 of operation-medication (as Rose had called it) so I was standing against the kitchen counter, staring at the little bottle of pills in my hand. For the past 6 mornings I'd done the exact same thing – staring at the pills and then attempting to take them. I didn't understand though, why I was standing here on the 7th day staring at them. If I'd had them for 6 days and felt fine with them, why didn't I just take them?

I sighed and shoved them down with a glass of water and went to join Edward on the couch. He glanced at me but turned back to the TV – as if it was more interesting.

And it probably was. "You're not going to sit around on the couch all day are you?"

"Do you have something better in mind?" Ever since he got out of the hospital he was really grumpy. Not just with me, but with everyone. As if he really didn't want to be here. I was trying to do everything I could to make him smile again. He had been so happy and cocky before.

"I do actually." I admitted. "I thought we'd go out with Rose to the lake. I know how much you like the ducks." I gave a small laugh. Every time Edward went to the park he'd always look out for the ducks to feed. He found them interesting.

He turned to me for a second and I saw the slight glow in his eyes. "Really? You want to go to the park?"

"Yup." Ever since I took the pills I felt obliged to move around. I didn't want to sit all day, and I was a little bit happier.

He considered it for a small moment, shifting his position on the couch. "Okay." He finally nodded.

"Great!" I pulled him from the couch gently – seeing as he was still pretty sore from his suicide attempt – and leaded him up the stairs. Since he was already dressed, I headed over to mine and Rose's room to get dressed myself. He was waiting outside in the hall.

I embraced Rose with a spring in my step and giggled at her shock. "What?"

"You," She said, studying me as she pulled her sweatshirt over her head. "You've got a lot happier."

I simply shrugged and smiled. "I guess so. Oh, Edward agreed to come to the park."

"Oh that's great!" Rose said, chucking me my clothes from the closest. "He really needs to get out some. Staying in his room all day is going to make him think too much…"

I nodded. "It will. I just want him to be okay…"

Rose sighed and hugged me again. "I know. I do too, as does everyone else. But just remember its how your dad feels with you. We have to give Edward a chance."

"We do…" I agreed and got dressed.

On the way out, I grabbed the bread from the counter-top whilst Rose – holding onto Edward – told Esme and Carlisle we were going out. They seemed thrilled, but were a little weary. Rose told them not to worry.

We walked to the park, Edward holding onto us in the middle. We didn't want to take any chances. Carlisle had been keeping a close eye on him since his release from the hospital and I really didn't want anything to go wrong. For Edward's sake.

He was silent during the whole walk – listening to Rose and I talk about various things that went on at the house. He didn't show any emotion – not even a laugh. I was really starting to miss the old Edward.

"Oh, Edward, look!" I said loudly, grabbing his attention. "There's the ducks! Not many, but I bet more will come."

Rose and I led him over to the edge of the pond in the park and sat down on the floor. The pond wasn't the cleanest water about but it was okay to dangle your feet in, so that's what I did. Rose followed my lead, and a little bit later, Edward did too.

As soon as I rustled the bag that held the bread in, ducks came swimming across the pond like lighting. I had to bite back my grin. It was amazing how the little things in life had the biggest impact when you were going through a rough patch.

Edward took the bread from me with a small smile on his face, dropping small pieces into the shallow water near our feet. He really did like the ducks. He once told me he used to come here when he was feeling down. He said they took his mind off bad thoughts. I guess it was working.

"What do you think, Edward?" He didn't speak now unless he was asked a question. I really hoped that sooner rather than later he would start speaking without needing to be encouraged.

He tore his gaze from the duck that was taking the bread out of his hands and stared at me. "It's good. It was nice of you to consider this for me."

I smiled. "I remembered how much you liked the ducks. They are pretty amazing."

He let out a small laugh at that and handed me a piece of bread.

Rosalie winked at me over his shoulder and I grinned back.

It wasn't a huge step, but Edward was starting to release out his emotions. He was finally relaxing and smiling – even if it was just a little.

We sat there in silence for about 5 more minutes, and then Edward shocked the both of us.

Baby ducks had approached us – following the lead of their mother – and Edward was in complete awe. He placed the bread to the side of him and pushed himself forward – right into the pond of ducks.

What surprised me even more though is that they didn't swim away – they simply stayed in their places right next to Edward.

"Edward!" Rose shrieked in surprise. "What on earth?"

He was grinning happily, reaching out to touch a duck softly. "They're not scared."

"You're like the duck whisperer or something." Rosalie joked with a laugh.

I couldn't hold in my laughter. I let it out loudly – laughing even more when passersby gave us stinking looks.

Soon, all 3 of us were laughing. Rosalie reached for my hand and before I could even blink, she'd pulled us right into the water next to Edward. I nearly stumbled in shock and reached to grab hold of him. Unfortunately, I misplaced his arm and went tumbling head first into the water.

I was pretty pissed off – seeing as I was all wet – but I calmed down pretty quickly.

Edward was laughing. Not a little forced, quiet laugh. A full, blown, laughing attack. He grasped his stomach from the pains and laughed loudly.

"Hey!" I crossed my arms and pouted – something Alice would do. "That's not funny."

"Sorry Bell's," Rosalie said. "It was pretty funny."

Edward nodded in agreement and pulled me towards him. "I love you, Bella." He said with a small laugh.

"I love you too, Edward."

* * *

READ.

I had a lot of hate reviews from the last chapter…not because of the story, but because of my opinion at the bottom. I'm sorry about what I said, okay? I just had my opinion, and I still love Rob and Kristen so very much. I care that she cheated yes, but I still love her. I'd never hate them. I know I've lost readers because of this…and it breaks my heart. I couldn't even muster up a new chapter…so that's why it sucks so bad…sorry…can you please give me ideas for the next chapter?

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	25. First date

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan 

I couldn't see a thing. Oh no, my vision was absolutely fine, but Rose was covering my eyes with her hands. I had no idea what we were doing – all I knew was that we were standing in the hallway like total idiots. She and Alice had both played Bella-Barbie with me 2 hours earlier and I was not aloud at all to see my reflection. I got that, but not why they had brought me downstairs to stand in the hallway.

That was beyond weird.

A few seconds passed and I felt a cold breeze stir past me. It was that weak that I hardly believed it was there, but then it came again. This time, something touched me. I didn't jump; just let Rose remove her hands and spin me around.

I stared at what was standing in front of me. Not what, who. There he was; his messy bronze curls brushed loosely back, his emerald eyes swirling with anticipation and love. I opened my mouth but no words came out. I quickly shut it, knowing I looked like a gaping fish.

I looked down at my outfit, a blue prom-like dress that came out a little poufy at the bottom. It was beautiful, especially with the sparkles. I smiled inwardly; really happy that Alice and Rose had used their talent on me for once.

I looked up to Edward and couldn't help but smile at his black tuxedo, blue tie and flower in his hand. "You look beautiful." He muttered softly.

I laughed and looked him up and down again. "You don't look too bad yourself, Mr. Cullen."

He let out a small grin at that.

"So," I started on Rose and Alice. "I appreciate the outfits and all, but what is going on?"

Alice squealed in delight and grabbed both Edward and I by the arm. "You're going on a date!"

I shot a look towards Edward who had the same shocked expression on his face as I did. We both turned to glare at the little pixie.

She held up her hands in defense. "Hey! We all know that you love each other, so quit stalling. It got so bad your own sisters had to organize the first date!" She rolled her eyes at Rose who beamed innocently at me behind her.

I was touched tremendously to hear Alice call me her sister. It seemed to roll naturally off her lips.

Emmett came around the corner, sporting his own tuxedo with red tie. He shot me a quick eye roll before offering his arm. "Miss Swan," He nodded. "I'll be your…butler tonight."

I burst out laughing. I turned to Rose and she shot me a wink. "Someone had to do it!" She shrugged.

Emmett grumbled something unintelligibly and led me out onto the Cullen's back patio and down to the bottom of the yard where the lake was. Edward stalked quietly behind us.

The yard was absolutely beautiful. Clearly the little pixie had worked her magic. Rings and rings of fairy lights hung around all the trees like angels, and there was a blanket set down on the edge of the river with a picnic basic.

Okay, so we were going the old fashioned style. That was fine by me.

I took Edward's cold hand gently in mine and led him down to the blanket. We both sat, and I stared at the blanket awkwardly. As much as I loved Edward, I wish they'd told us beforehand we were having a date.

Emmett perched himself on the patio and sat there looking out across the yard – obviously giving us the privacy. Alice and Rosalie lingered in the upstairs windows, giggling like immature school children.

"So," I began, looking up at Edward through my lashes. "This is pretty neat, huh?"

"Alice is…" He pursed his lips. "Pretty much unpredictable, but she's a great person."

"She sure is." I peered into the picnic basket and pulled out a foil-wrapped package. I opened it smoothly and pulled out two fairy cakes. I shook my head with a laugh. "We had to have the full effects. Fairy cakes and all."

Edward laughed gracefully and took the fairy cake with the blue butter icing.

I don't know why, but seeing a person like Edward biting into a little icing covered fairy cake made me rather amused. Just like laughing at the top of my lungs at night-time back when I was a child had.

He raised an eyebrow at my laughter. "What?" He mumbled through some more cake.

"You," I stated as I climbed onto my knees. "Have some cake…right there." I reached up and swiped the cake away quickly.

He sat there for a few seconds, bone stiff, and I was starting to think I'd done something wrong. He shifted slightly and then beamed at me. Before I could blink again, he was on top of me, pressing me into the cool grass.

I stared up at him, into the pooling emerald orbs. "You are so damn beautiful…"

"As are you Miss. Swan." He murmured as he pulled us up and twirled us around. "You," He poked my nose playfully. "Are one dangerous girl."

I grinned.

Edward was a good dancer, much better than I was, and we had to stop a few times because I nearly went stumbling to the ground. He had enough and whipped my shoes off of my feet. He pulled me forwards so that my feet were on top of his, and he slowly began to spin us around.

I rested my head against his chest, my arms wrapped around his back. I felt content here. I realized that this is what I needed – peace, love, comfort. As if there was nothing else but us in the world. "You know, it's been really stressful lately." I confessed.

I felt him rest his chin on the top of my head. "I know. I'm sorry about how I've been acting; I just don't know what I'm doing. I don't know whether I want to keep going or if I want to give up."

"I want to give up sometimes too." I tried to hide the emotion in my voice, this was the first time I was truly speaking how I felt. "When I'm left alone I'll try so hard not to cry. It's like when everyone leaves and I'm alone I get so hopeless. I just want to give up. But then I think about how amazing your family are – how you are – and I just…I can't think of letting go. It'd be devastating for the others."

"That's whats stopping me." He agreed. "I really don't want to be here – I feel trapped – but the love I have for my family is really pulling me. I couldn't leave knowing I'd hurt them…"

I murmured in agreement and reached up to brush away his tears.

We continued dancing for a few more moments before he lifted me off of his feet and pulled me towards the river. "You want to go for a swim?" He asked, and I realized this had been the first time he'd spoke with no pushing.

I nodded and looked down at my dress. "I would…but I'd hate to ruin it."

He grinned and shook his head with amusement. "Bella, Alice and Rose don't care if you ruin the clothes. They have a rule – only wear special clothes once. Some clothes you can wear twice, but only if you really like them. They'll just be given to charity after this. Of course, if we swim, they'll go in the trash."

I was appalled. Beautiful clothes like this would be thrown out or donated to charity? The Cullen family were absolutely bizarre, I decided.

Before I could think about protesting, Edward pulled me forwards and we went flying into the icy river. "You know," I said thoughtfully. "You really have a thing about diving into water with your clothes on."

"Yup," He grinned playfully. "That's how I roll." He stirred up the water around him and flung it in my direction.

The coldness of the water sent shock through my veins but I quickly recovered myself and splashed him back.

He swooped me up by the waist and span me around, causing the water to swirl along with my dress. We were both laughing, letting everything go for a while and just having fun.

A while later, I was shivering wildly and trying so hard to catch my breath.

He shot me a concerned look and lifted me into his arms bridal style. "I'm sorry, Bella. I think we got a bit carried away. I hope you don't get sick."

He was shivering too, but not as wildly. I was a little tired too, so I stared into his emerald orbs the whole journey to the house.

Emmett followed behind us, happy that he didn't need to do much through the whole date. Poor him had to sit outside in the cold and watch us have fun. I was sure he'd have the girls back later.

Rose and Alice were already waiting downstairs with blankets, and whilst Rose wrapped me up, Alice wrapped up Edward. Carlisle and Esme sat on the couch, Carlisle watching us wearily.

I huddled in the warm blanket and cuddled down next to Edward. "It was a little silly of us going swimming in such weather, but it was really nice to have some fun."

He leaned into me and placed a cold kiss on my forehead. "I agree."

"Well?" Carlisle asked, crossing his arms. "I hope you two don't get sick from that. Or…" He pursed his lips. "Actually I do, your idiotic behavior is the only reason for this."

Esme smacked him and came over to give us both hugs. "Ignore him; he's just jealous I didn't take him swimming." She winked. "Why don't you two go up and get out of those wet clothes?"

I was surprised when Rose moved and took Edward by the arm and both disappeared upstairs.

Alice grinned at me. "Yay! Now I can play Bella-Barbie again."

"Um Alice…I'm only getting ready for bed."

She huffed. "Why are some girls so incredibly hard to deal with?"

I chased her upstairs, mumbling to her the whole time that I did NOT want to play another game of Bella-Barbie.

* * *

Well, I was feeling generous :') I was so happy with the 6 reviews I got, that were supporting me. Your words really did make me feel a little better, and that's probably why this chapter is so positive. It's clear though that I've lost reviewers and viewers, but I'm just grateful for the 6 that did stay and review! Thank you! :) I didn't mean to sound horrible when I said I was ashamed of Kristen…I still love her, just not as much now, cause she hurt Rob…is that so bad?

**READ;**

ANYWAY; I'm thinking of ending this story on chapter 30 or something, and then I might start a sequel. What do you guys think? Any ideas? Be aware, this story may not have a happy ending*

I had a lot of hate reviews from the last chapter…not because of the story, but because of my opinion at the bottom. I'm sorry about what I said, okay? I just had my opinion, and I still love Rob and Kristen so very much. I care that she cheated yes, but I still love her. I'd never hate them. I know I've lost readers because of this…and it breaks my heart. I couldn't even muster up a new chapter….so that's why it sucks so bad…sorry…can you please give me ideas for the next chapter?

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	26. Road to recovery

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan 

The next few weeks passed slowly but comfortingly. Edward and I were communicating and getting on well and it seemed like we were both healing – in some ways. However, it was still so hard and we sometimes felt like giving up.

Esme and Carlisle had dragged us all out to various places since school had finished for the summer. The first week we went to the water park for Emmett's sake. Rose, Edward and I weren't up to going – especially with the cuts – but we managed quite well and no-one noticed Rose and I. Esme however did keep glancing at Edward's thighs when his shorts rose up from the force of the slides and water. He'd tried to ignore it. On the second week we went on a weekend camping trip. We went hiking and Edward and I rolled down the hill, knocking down Rose and Alice who were only halfway up. The whole family had got a few good laughs out of that. We'd also taken part in many outdoor activities – the Cullen's loved the outdoors.

It had been a busy summer.

We'd just got back from a meal with Charlie and everyone was proud of me because I didn't complain and ate half of my main course and all of desert. Yes, I have a sweet tooth. Lately I'd rather eat all the sugary, high calorie stuff than the savory. It was weird, but it felt right not to have Ana screaming at me from inside my head. I was extremely worried though, because it didn't seem possible that I'd gotten over her and was getting better.

Carlisle had been supervising my meds and giving me therapy sessions to help with the emotions I was feeling – it was obvious to him that I had Depression. And, in truth, he really was helping. I guess I owed him a lot.

I knocked on Edward's door quietly and checked the time on my phone. 8:06pm. I didn't know what we could do at this time, but I wanted to make sure he was okay after the meal.

He opened the door to reveal himself standing in his pants and baggy, blue t-shirt. His hair was a mess and he had that crooked grin on his face. It looked like he'd just woken up but he obviously hadn't – he was halfway through changing. "Well hello beautiful, you've caught me at the wrong time. I'm just in the middle of my wonderful hot bubble bath." He joked. "But please come in and my supervisor will lead you to the couch where I will be with you shortly."

I rolled my eyes and walked past him into his dark room. "Yeah, where's the supervisor then?"

"Silly, Bella." He whispered as he pulled me into his chest. "He's invisible. You of all people should know that!"

"Oh yeah!" I said, playing along. "That's right. Silly me. So, do you and he have any plans tonight?"

He pursed his lip and thought about my question. "I don't think so…do you?"

I shook my head. "We could do something…but I'm run down on ideas."

"Me too." He muttered as he ran his hand through his hair.

In the end, we ended up chilling on his bed, talking about life and having rants about what we didn't like. I always loved these times with Edward. He was the person who truly understood me and agreed on what I thought. It was easy to get on well with him and Rose because they just seemed to know how my mind worked.

I fell asleep shortly after, wrapped up in his arms, and I finally felt at home. Edward was something Charlie could never give me.

Esme Cullen

"We need to do something about Edward, Carlisle." I said gently to my husband, turning over to face him.

He stared up at me and flipped his pillow over. "What? Why? What about?"

I sighed. Carlisle could be so difficult to handle sometimes. "Don't act as if you haven't noticed…"

"Noticed what?" He sat up on the bed and looked at me. "Esme?"

I looked at his face, knowing that he really didn't see anything wrong with Edward. "He cries himself to sleep at night." I muttered. "I walk past his room to turn off Emmett's light – he always forgets to do it himself – and I can hear him crying. I want to reach out to him and talk to him but I don't know how. And even though he looks happy during the day I can see through him. He's not. Sometimes it's genuine but most times…he just doesn't seem himself. Can't you remember the old Edward?"

Carlisle pondered on my words, rubbing soothing circles into my palm. "Yes…now that you mention it…he does seem different. A lot more closed off and dark. We need to do something…"

I nodded in agreement, listening to the silence, hoping Edward wasn't crying. It seemed as if he was asleep.

He sighed. "When did our life become so difficult…?"

"Rose…" I whispered, remembering all too clearly the battle she fought all those months ago. "Carlisle, we need to have a talk with the children, we need to show them we care."

He nodded and placed a tender kiss on my forehead. "We will. Now go to sleep. I love you."

"I love you too."

The next morning, I got out of bed and made my way down to the kitchen to find Bella and Edward sat there, staring quietly at their cereal. "Are you both alright this morning?"

"Yup." They both agreed, shoving a spoonful of the 'Froot Loops' into their mouths.

This time, I wasn't taking that for an answer. I sat down opposite them and stared them down.

Edward looked up at me first, confusion flashing in his eyes before they returned to their blank state. "Mom?"

"Are you okay, Edward?" I asked. I didn't know how to get into it. I was beyond nervous. No mother ever thinks of their child feeling low. They just want the best.

"You just asked me that…" He shot a panicked look towards Bella and I brought his attention back to me.

"I know, but I'm asking again. I don't want you to lie, Edward." I murmured softly. "Please…just tell me…"

He sighed and stared down at the counter-top. "No…I'm not okay."

My heart was breaking but I urged myself on. "Why not, Edward? I can help, I'm your mother."

He shook his head. "You can't mom. I really am happier than I was months ago but I'm still feeling hopeless and hurt. I don't even know why."

I rounded the table and pulled him into my arms. "I don't care Edward, I can help. I can. You know you can come and speak with me. We're so, so sorry. I noticed something was wrong but I just ignored it. Your father and I are both sorry, and we're going to fix this family again."

He looked up to me and smiled gently. "That would be nice…we aren't as close anymore."

"No," I agreed, feeling very guilty for that.

When they both finished their breakfast, I took them both up to Carlisle's office where we went through a plan to help both Bella and Edward.

The end of August came around quickly, and I watched my 5 children (6 including Bella) run out of the front door and onto the school bus. Edward helped Bella up, both of them giggling like little kids. Rosalie caught my eye and gave me a big smile whilst Emmett, Jasper and Alice were debating over something I was sure had something to do with the latest fashion or sport.

Carlisle had put both Bella and Edward on antidepressants and gave them therapy 2 times a week. Edward had started to open up to us a lot, even giving us the 'tools' he used to hurt himself with. As each day came, our family became even closer and both Edward and Bella seemed to be all too eager to share their thoughts and worries about the day and the future ahead of them.

Rose seemed to also come out of her shell. She'd approached me in the garden one day whilst I was doing the washing and asked if I could stop and speak to her for the moment.

She'd went on to tell me how life was like for her trying to stay healthy and not think about the Anorexia, and that she was convinced there was something deep inside her that was controlling her and making her seem different to everyone else. I assured her that everything was probably fine but to keep her content, I scheduled an appointment the next day to see a mental health team who spent a few hours of their time speaking to Rose and then carrying out a few health evaluations.

She was referred to a psychiatrist who spent a few weeks talking with her and discussing how she felt. She was then later diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD) and Moderate Depression. She took the news hard, falling into me and crying in a fit of tears, but after setting out a treatment plan she seemed to take the news a little better. She was put into Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and given mood stabilizers and antidepressants.

Our family wasn't perfect, and we may have had the odd mishaps in life, but our children were healthy and generally happy and that's all that truly mattered.

I believed that in a year or two, we would all be healed.

* * *

Sorry that this is so bad, I'm just struggling a little to get these last chapters sorted and how it's going to plan out. Bear with me. And I've decided I will make a sequel, but need your guys help on a name! I was thinking 'Secrets that heal' but I'm not too sure.

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	27. The Meadow

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan 

"Bella, have you seen Rosalie?" Esme asked, jogging towards me with a crease of concern between her brows. She looked down at the mixture of pills in her hand then back up to my face. "She hasn't taken her meds this morning…"

I stood there for a few minutes, trying to think in my head when the last time I saw Rose was. "Um…I saw her about 2 hours ago…" I looked at my watch. It was 9am. "Yeah, I saw her when I woke up at 7am..."

The concern on Esme's face grew and she shifted from her right foot to the left. "It's just…she never forgets her meds. She's scared not to take them…"

"I'm sure she just forgot…" I told her, hiding my small lump of concern by wrapping her in my arms for a second. "She'll be back later."

Esme nodded before turning and heading back to the kitchen.

I chewed on my bottom lip, worry taking over my thoughts for Rose. She never said she was leaving the house. The last time I saw her she was in her Pj's with no socks on and still in bed. How had she gotten out of the house without anyone seeing her? I'd left her in the bedroom and hadn't seen her since.

I told myself she'd be back soon and that there was no need to worry. I met up with Edward at the back of the house where he was playing in the lake with Emmett and Jasper and pulled him aside. "Have you seen Rose?"

He raised his eyebrow at me but answered my question. "No, I haven't seen her since last night. Why?"

I shrugged. "Just a bit worried. She didn't take her meds this morning – Esme can't find her."

Like Esme, the skin between his brows dipped instantly. "That's a bit strange, but I'm sure she's okay…"

I nodded. "And Alice? Do you know where she is?"

He laughed with a silly grin on his face. "She went shopping. As soon as she heard there was a sale on at the local store she was out of the house as fast as Usain Bolt."

I rolled my eyes and reached up to kiss him. "We all know what Alice is like."

He nodded and picked me up over his shoulder, running towards the river.

"Don't you dare!" I screamed - part serious and part playful. "Edward Anthony Mason Cullen!"

He didn't respond, just kept running until we stopped at the edge of the bank. He dipped us forward and then I went flying through the air and crashed into the deep, cold water.

The laughter of the three brothers was booming, loud enough to wake up the whole town of Forks.

"Stupid Cullen's." I grumbled.

Lunch time came and passed and there was still no sign of Rose. Esme was extremely worried and couldn't even make herself eat all of her lunch. It wasn't like her at all. But, you could see the tension at the table. Everyone was worried for Rose.

"We should look for her." Emmett said, staring at his hands. He wasn't even watching his favorite program on TV.

Alice wrapped her arm around him, rubbing his arm with her small hand. "I think we should too…"

Esme nodded. "It's been long enough." She reached for the phone off the holder and dialed a number. She waited for some time. "Hello. Yes…this is Dr. Cullen's wife Esme. May I speak to him please? …Of course…thank you." She gave a small smile to us before walking off to the huge window. "Carlisle?" She whispered. "No one has seen Rose. Bella last saw her at 7am this morning. She didn't take her meds and she hasn't come back yet…" I could feel the sadness and fear in her voice. "Okay, I love you." She click off the phone and turned back to us. "Get your coats and shoes, Carlisle's on his way."

When Carlisle arrived, we were all stood in the hallway with our coats and shoes on – all very eager to go. Rose hadn't exactly been handling her diagnosis that good these days and I was worried for her. She would never leave without telling somebody first.

"Do any of you know where Rose's safe place is?" Carlisle asked, staring at all of us. "If she was feeling low, then she may have gone there to clear her head." He added after seeing our blank expressions.

No one knew. Rose wasn't the one to share her deepest thoughts and feelings. She didn't want to weigh others down with her problems. We were best friends and she told me a lot of things, but I couldn't recall her saying anything about a safe place.

Carlisle was clearly frustrated. "Come on guys, speak up. We need to find your sister. She could be in danger…"

Edward shifted beside me and hesitated for a split second. "Well...I did show her a meadow a few weeks ago. She came to me crying after she came back from the hospital so I told her where I went when I was feeling upset…There's a meadow at the back of the house, you have to walk a while but it's really peaceful…" He trailed off and I knew that was probably where Rose was.

I hoped, however, that everything was okay and that she wasn't doing anything stupid. Why had she been gone so long? It was almost 6 hours.

"Can you take us there?" Carlisle asked. Edward nodded and I took his hand in support. Everything was going to be okay.

Edward, Carlisle and I took the lead with Jasper, Alice, Emmett and Esme close behind us. If it wasn't for the current situation, I would've laughed. It seemed weird for us all too just be walking through the woods.

It took us about 15 minutes to cross small rivers, climb over hills and trek through mud before we made it to the edge of Edward's meadow. God knows why he'd walk all the way here through all of that just to calm down.

Carlisle went ahead first, taking in the beauty of the meadow. It was large, and sectioned off in parts by trees that hadn't been cut for a while. Rows of flowers in all different colors lined themselves between the blades of grass and the sun came through the opening. Well, that was my answer. I would have walked all that way for this too.

I ran my eyes over the whole meadow again, but this time I stopped. In the grass up ahead there was something. I wasn't close enough to make out what it was, but I could see a blur of yellow…

"Rose!" I screamed, rushing towards the figure in the grass at the far end of the meadow. When I reached her, I collapsed down into the grass and pulled her towards me. "Rose!"

Her eyes were closed, but they flickered open a fraction when she heard her name. She was shaking, her hands and lips turning a light blue color. Her chest rose and fell deeply, as if it was hard for her to breathe. She didn't move, she lay motionless, her eyes flickering now and again.

"Rose, what have you done…?" I whispered, cradling her head on my lap with tears falling down my face.

Carlisle and Edward had reached me now, and I looked back to see the others frozen at the edge of the trees – Esme with tears down her face. I think she was in shock. Emmett and Alice held her up whilst Jasper tried to calm her.

Carlisle tried to take Rose off me but I grasped her tightly, holding her head and hand. I couldn't let her go. He looked at me for a split second before coming to the silent agreement to work around me.

Edward ripped open Carlisle's medical bag and started pulling things out at Carlisle's order.

I sat there quietly, sobbing as Carlisle assessed my best friend who was like a sister to me.

"Rosalie, sweetheart, can you hear me?" He held her eyelid up with his thumb softly and shone his penlight into her pupil.

She didn't respond, just continued to struggle breathing. Each breath grew faster and I could see the small sweat beads appear on her face.

Carlisle sat back looking worried and dug for the oxygen mask he had in his bag. He gently lifted it over Rose's head and continued to check her vital signs.

"Fibrillation of the heart, increased and shallow breathing, loss of motor functions, loss of basic functions…convulsions." Carlisle added as Rose began shaking on my lap. He shook his head and yelled if anyone had called 911.

Jasper announced that he had as soon as he'd seen Rose.

"What's wrong with her?" Edward asked in desperation, squeezing on Rose's other hand.

Carlisle didn't look up from Rose as he worked. "I've seen these signs more often than I've liked…I'm positive she has overdosed. If she doesn't get to the hospital soon, she will die."

"No!" I screeched, the tears falling rapidly down my face. We all knew how hard it would be for the EMT's to get up into the meadow and get to Rose. I just hoped she would hold on.

* * *

READ;

So, I've finally decided on how this story is going to end and what's going to be in the sequel :) Whose excited? Review, review, review :')

ALSO, I have a new story up called "Silence is Forbidden." It's about Rose, so please go check it out:) I'd love the reviews!:)

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	28. Heaven's gonna wait for you

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan 

It had taken us 20 minutes to get to the hospital. Well, the rest of us. Carlisle and Esme had gone in the ambulance with Rose and they were probably already there now. Carlisle had carried Rose to the end of the woods to where they opened out onto the main road. We'd all waited there for the EMT's and when they arrived, they quickly took Rose, Carlisle and Esme to the hospital. It had taken the rest of us 15 minutes to walk back to the house, and another 20 minutes to get to the hospital.

I flung open the car door and stepped out onto the sidewalk, bouncing from one foot to the other. I hadn't stopped moving since Rose had been taken out of our sight. I was exhausted, but I knew I couldn't stop until I saw her and knew she was okay.

This place was unfamiliar to me as a visitor. I'd been here enough times for broken bones and bad falls (my clumsiness knew no bounds), but I had no clue where to start to find Rose. Without waiting for the others, I headed inside, the automatic doors whooshing open as I approached. I spotted a sign that said 'Front Desk' and immediately made my way there.

Edward, Alice, Emmett and Jasper were close behind me and Edward and Alice flanked my sides at the desk.

"Excuse me," Edward called as he reached the desk. "I need to find Rosalie Cullen."

The nurse looked at him sceptically and didn't even move an inch. "Are you family?" She asked bluntly.

He rolled his eyes. "This is a damn emergency! I don't have all day, but yes, she is my sister!"

The woman looked annoyed, but checked her files before motioning towards the waiting area. "It's not visiting hours yet, you can wait there for now."

Edward clenched his hands around the desk and took a deep breath. "My sister was just brought into the hospital fighting for her life, and you are telling me to wait?"

The nurse's face softened a bit. "I'm sorry to here that but I can't comment on anything until a doctor gets here."

"But she's okay?" He whispered, the energy draining out of him as he collapsed into me.

The nurse nodded. "That's what the system is showing, yes."

"Come on," Alice whispered gently as she turned Edward around and led him to a comfy corner of the waiting room. "It's all we can do for now."

The nurse shot a sympathetic look our way and I smiled softly before I followed everyone over to the corner.

Emmett and I sat on either side of Edward whilst Jasper and Alice sat on the opposite side, talking quietly.

We sat for what seemed ages, Edward shifting constantly in his chair. "This is fucking ridiculous," he growled. "You saw her condition. We should be with her, not sat out here."

"Maybe they're sorting her out," I put in quietly, taking his hand in mine softly in offer to calm him. "They may just be getting her comfortable in her room."

"Yeah." Emmett agreed. "And mom and dad are with her. At least someone she knows is with her, right?"

We all nodded and Edward just sighed.

Around 15 minutes later, he rose from his seat. I turned to see the nurse approach. She carried herself in a high manner, as if she thought she was everything. What a stuck-up bitch.

"You can see her now," she announced, giving Edward a flirtatious smile and a card with Rose's information on, before moving back to her desk.

Everyone else started moving as I stood there, staring daggers at the woman's back.

Edward sighed and closed his eyes for a brief second. "Come on, Bella." He called, motioning towards the lift for me to follow him, and I did.

Call me a coward, but as we entered Rose's plain hospital room, I steadily avoided looking at her. I was terrified by what I might see there. Rose was the prettiest girl I'd ever met. In fact, pretty didn't exactly cover it. She was strong and beautiful and sometimes I felt like she was a goddess or something. She was my godsend, that was for sure, I didn't know how I would react seeing her in a hospital bed with machines attached to her. It was bad enough when Edward was the one lying there. Rose was my best friend.

I could hear Esme sobbing from beside the bed and I knew I definitely didn't want to look. I knew the others had already advanced forward and were probably sat around by Rose but because of their reactions I just couldn't look.

"Is she going to be okay?" I whispered, struggling to find my voice now that I was finally here.

"It's touch and go, Bella. Why don't you sit with her for awhile?" Carlisle suggested. He sounded a lot calmer than I thought he might. He was her dad and he wasn't afraid? Then again, he was used to this stuff.

I gulped and realized I couldn't continue to not look at her. It was rude of me. She was my best friend. My eyes slowly slid down the wall until I reached the top of her head. I could see her cloak of golden blonde hair, tinged black in some parts from what I assumed was mud or something. The curly, tangled mess was spread all around her pillow. There would be so many horrible knots when she finally had to brush it out. _If_ she ever got the chance to brush it out. I shook that thought from my head.

My eyes moved lower and I felt my heart still in my chest when I got to her face. Rose was unrecognizable. She was no longer the girl I knew. Her face was paler than it had been in the meadow and bruises were starting to appear under her eyes. Her eyes were closed. Her cheeks seemed thinner, and her face was twinged with a light blue color. It was off. Her lips were also bluish and there was a breathing tube down her throat. I couldn't breathe.

I felt my knees give out as I collapsed to the ground. I had never seen someone so weak before. Even Edward hadn't looked like this.

"Bella!" He said as he rushed towards me, sliding his arms under me as he lifted me up.

I sucked in a painful breath and when I tried to speak, all that came out was an alarmingly loud wail. "Oh, my god!"

"Bella, calm down. You need to be alright to support Rose," He said, straddling whether or not to keep me in the room or to take me back outside. I was leaning my whole weight on him, making his platonic efforts even more difficult.

"Why would she do that?" I gurgled out, a sob pushing its way out of my throat. This was my entire fault. I should've been with her. Why did I let her go off alone and for so long? If I'd gotten up off of my butt and went to find her earlier she may have not done this.

"She can't be here if she can't calm herself," I heard one of the nurses say.

Edward mumbled something back and lifted me into his arms and sat us both down onto a chair. "She's fine, thank you." He stroked my cheek gently and tried to shield me from Rose.

I pushed up a little and shook my head. I couldn't look away from her. She was so fragile, so…ill. Why did things always have to get so bad? "She doesn't look like herself," I said by way of explaining my earlier action. "It scared me."

Carlisle was the one to react. He nodded at me, not taking his hand from Rose's. "It is, but we can get through this."

After a few more minutes, I couldn't take it anymore and I left the room. I sat in the waiting room for what seemed like 2 hours until I worked up the courage to go back in there. I'd seen Carlisle escort Esme out with Emmett and Jasper earlier on and I knew Edward and Alice were in need of me.

She was out still, and the doctors weren't sure if she would wake up. The damage was severe.

When Edward finally let go of her after hugging her for so long, I held her hand like a piece of porcelain, and talked to her as best I could. It seemed foolish, but Alice assured me it would help, so I did. I told her about the strange day we'd all had, about how much she'd had us worried, and how much we were all hoping she was okay. I told her how sorry I was, and even broke down crying when a realized I may never get to say those words to her when she was awake.

After a while of just talking, I stopped and rubbed soothing circles into her palm. Edward was refusing to leave her side, despite the time (it was around 6pm.) "Is she going to make it?" He mumbled out the question none of us had had the courage to ask.

"The damage was severe. When she arrived, she needed her stomach pumped but she was already so far gone. It did help a little though. She has a lot of things working against her right now, and it's good she's made it this far, but as of right now, we still don't know if she'll pull through, or even make it through the night," One of the friendly nurses replied, struggling to maintain detached professionalism.

A sob escaped Edward, and Alice and I both raced forwards to comfort him. We were both crying ourselves, but Edward was beating himself up over this. He loved Rose so much, and he'd seen her in hospital so many times before during her struggle with Anorexia that he just couldn't bear it. I'd heard from Esme that when Rose was fighting, he'd sat with her all the time, telling her stories and begging her to get better. He'd been there through every treatment and convinced her to start eating.

I moved from the bed after giving Rose a gentle kiss and allowed Edward to sit with her. Alice and I watched him as he pulled himself as close to her as he could and wrapped both his hands around her hand. He leaned forward and rested his chin gently on the top.

A small, personal tune escaped his lips and I couldn't help but turn away. It was the exact same song he'd sung to Rose during her struggle with Anorexia, and I didn't think it was something that needed to be shared with others.

**"Hold on tight,**

**It's gonna be a wild, wild, ride,**

**And tonight, you won't need your wings to fly****,**

**'Cause angels got a lot to lose.**

**So hang on tight,**

**I'm gonna make you come to life,**

**And when you're there,**

**You won't need to say your prayers,**

**'Cause heaven's gonna wait for you…."**

I couldn't help it, the tears came falling down my face as the realization of the words hit me. Was Heaven going to wait for Rose?

* * *

I had 4 reviews, and I'd really like a lot more to finish this story…but hey, thank you to those who did review and are still following :) These chapters are making me emotional ;D

Will you guys please check out my new story and leave a review? I just updated the 2nd chapter! :)

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	29. You're safe now

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan 

"Bella, Edward!" Alice's voice called from across the waiting room. I turned to see her waving us over. The others were already with Rose, so we'd tried to give them their privacy. She looked upset. I jumped to my feet and jogged to her quickly, Edward close behind me. "What's going on?"

Alice hesitated as she wiped the tears from her eyes. I was surprised someone else in the family wasn't with her. I could see she wasn't sure how to breech the topic. I felt myself getting nervous.

"Spit it out." I begged, hardly whispering.

"It's Rose."

Those two words felt like ice in my veins. I gulped down the initial fear and pressed for information. "What do you mean?"

"There's been a complication." She said bluntly. "Carlisle's trying to talk with the doctors but…" Her words became blocked as my brain fought to take in the information.

A complication? What the hell does a complication mean? Was she okay? Did she…? Oh no. She wasn't… she couldn't be… I tried to take a steadying breath, but I suddenly couldn't seem to pull the air in. I tried again, but nothing. I could see spots in front of my eyes. Shit. I needed air. I felt like I was being choked.

"Bella, breathe," Alice cried pleadingly, reaching out to grasp my wrist.

"Oh, God," I gasped out, trying to draw air in. It was futile. I felt my vision begin to tunnel.

"Bella, you're panicking, you have to calm down," Edward put in.

I felt an arm grab me around my waist and another wrap around the top of my chest, pulling me tightly against a warm body. My legs were hardly standing, so I leaned my weight against whoever was holding me.

"Breathe, Bella. Inhale and exhale," Edward whispered into my hair. And I did. I took a deep breath in. It felt like coming up for air after being under water for far too long. I was so scared.

"Bella, you didn't listen to me. We're all so worried right now," Alice's voice pushed through my panic.

"Everything is going be okay," Edward whispered against the shell of my ear.

"She's okay. Please tell me she's okay," I pleaded.

"She made it through the night, but barely. She took a turn for the worse," Alice began. "Her doctor doesn't think she'll last much longer. She's not fighting much, but I think we need to prepare ourselves for the worst."

"No," I shook my head, my stubbornness refusing to believe the news. How were the Cullen's holding up and being so strong through all of this? Their daughter and sister was dying. I was falling apart and she wasn't even related to me. Maybe I was just weak.

Edward ran one of his hands up and down my arm. His touch was comforting, but I could feel my fear and panic there, just on the fringe of my consciousness.

"I know this is hard. I feel like running to the bathroom and fucking crying my eyes out, but we need to think of Rose. If she does…" She refused to say the word 'die' and I couldn't blame her. "You know…then she'd at least want to go the best way she could. Why don't you go sit with her for awhile? Jasper, Emmett and I are going to go to the house to get some of her stuff so she's comfy." Alice finished lightly.

I couldn't say anything, so I nodded.

Edward's arms squeezed me reassuringly and Alice gave me a sad smile before motioning for me to head over to the lift. I felt Edward's arms loosen. He came around to my side, keeping one of his hands secured around my waist. Together, we walked silently to the lift and up to Rose's room.

On the way down the corridor, we saw Emmett and Jasper who both had their coats on and their heads down. When we passed, however, Emmett raised his head and I was shocked by what I saw. Although he wore a tight, small smile, his eyes were bright red from crying and a few tears were still marked on his cheeks. It felt so wrong to see someone like him crying.

When we got to Rose's room, Esme and Carlisle were slumped over Rose, both of them whispering to her about how much they loved her and that no matter what, they would always be there for her.

Edward and I took a seat quietly and I couldn't help the tears that fell as I stared at Rose's unchanging face. The only change in herself that was visible was the color of her skin. As the hours went on, she looked more inhuman. Her skin was a darker shade of blue/purple now and it made me feel sick to my stomach. Why couldn't she just get better? She didn't deserve any of this.

By the time both Esme and Carlisle had said their goodbyes to the best that they could (they were both refusing to believe the doctors, although I could tell Carlisle knew it was coming.), the others had arrived back.

Emmett was the first to enter the room. He moved slowly, as if it would stop time and save Rose. When he finally made it to her bed, he bent down and planted a gentle kiss on her fragile forehead. The fluffy pink blanket he carried in his hand was placed softly in her open hand and he closed her fingers around it. It was the blanket Rose slept with every night and that she'd had since she was a young child.

He pulled a chair under him without looking from Rose, and sat down quietly.

"Rose," He began, a sob cutting off his words. "I don't know what to say. I really don't. You know me - much more comfortable with giving physical comfort instead of words, but I'll try my best. You deserve that. Heck, you deserve so much more Rosie. I know I don't show it as often as I should, but I love you with everything I'm worth. You're my little sister and you mean the world to me. You know I'm always here if anyone needs to talk and even though I'm not the best, I'm always up for listening. I would've talked with you, Rosie. All you had to do was ask. I'd do anything to make sure my little sis was alright. I guess there comes a point in life where we feel as though we can't go on and the only thing to do is to let ourselves go. You were worth so much more than you thought, Rose, and I want you to know that soon you may be gone, but you'll never leave my heart. I'll always carry you with me. I'll never forget my little sister. Never. I love you, Rosie."

With slow, sluggish movements, he got up from chair and let Jasper have his last moments with Rose. I wanted to slow it all down and just make it stop. This couldn't be happening.

Jasper sighed and let out a hesitant, nervous laugh as he squeezed Rose's cold hand in his. I watched him wordlessly as he secured her favorite silver necklace around her neck gently. "Rose…" He let out a breath of air.

"I have no idea where to start. No one ever thinks of the time where they have to say goodbye to someone they love. Especially someone as young as you Rose. You're so young and you really don't deserve any of this. I wish there could've been something for me to do. We were always so close, and I feel so guilty watching you fight for your life. I'm your brother – I'm supposed to be here for you. I didn't try hard enough. I have so many memories of you, and I'll always remember the bickers we had about which twin was oldest." He laughed, his mind deep in memories I'm sure meant the world to him now.

"We're twins, Rose, and you and I both know that bond will never break. I really do hope that odd telepathic thing stays with us, even though I wasn't able to understand how bad you were feeling. Anyway, I know Heaven is going to be everything you ever hoped and longed for. Heaven deserves someone like you. You're going to keep looking down on us and I know you'll keep us safe. This doesn't make it right though, Rose. I wish there was something I could do to heal you. Don't forget me Rose, please don't…I love you so much." He kissed her cheek gently and then held Alice as she sat on his lap and cradled Rose's old battered teddy in her hands.

She was crying painfully, barely able to talk through her tears. "Rose!" She screeched; her voice so full of pain that I nearly cried myself.

"I'll never understand how someone could do this to themselves, except that they must be feeling so, so bad. I'm so sorry we didn't do anything! I would've tried to help! Sometimes you came to me and I brushed you off, I'm so sorry. I just didn't understand it all and I was scared. Now I feel so sick and guilty. We were sisters and best friends, and I'll always keep those wonderful shopping moments in my heart and mind forever. I can't believe this is happening, Rose." She tucked the scruffy teddy bear under the cover so his head was popping out of the blanket on Rose's chest.

"I brought Chubby with me for you; I know how much you love him." She smiled softly. "You weren't on this earth long, Rose, but we all have wonderful memories with you, and you'll forever be carried in our hearts. We'll never forget you, and I really hope you don't forget us either. We all love you so much; I just wish you could've seen that. I know God will heal your pain and you'll be alright up there. I'm going to miss you so much, but I love you."

Edward took her place next, gliding slowly to the side of Rose's hospital bed. Through it all she hadn't even moved a fraction. A nurse had come into the room to speak to Carlisle and I tried not to pay attention to whatever new news was coming in. Instead, I focused on Edward as he stared heartbroken at Rose's face.

"Where should I start?" He muttered. "You know me so well Rose, more than I gave you credit for. When you started showing me just how much you understood me, I was so scared, but I also felt comforted and whole. You cared about me, just as much as I cared about you. I doubt I'd still be standing here today if it wasn't for you. You saved more lives than you thought you destroyed, Rose. You didn't destroy everyone. You could bring a smile to any person, no matter what they were going through, and you always cared way more about others than yourself. It didn't matter if you were upset; you tried so hard to get others to smile. You helped Bella and I a lot and I wish I had the chance to help and save you now, but I know deep down you wouldn't want that. It's unfair of us to keep you fighting if you want to give up. You deserve what you think is best for you Rose, and I won't let you suffer anymore. You deserve to be happy and free of all this pain, and like Alice said, God will take all that pain away and heal you, and you'll be so happy. Just don't forget us when you're driving around in that sports car you've always wanted, having the time of your life."

He laughed at his little joke and touched her cheek gently. "You mean so much to all of us and I know you were going to turn into something much more amazing than you already are. You still will, but now it'll be up in Heaven instead of down here. Its okay though, Rose, you just stay happy and we'll be okay. I love you, and I'll carry memories of you in my heart, soul and mind forever. You're the best sister anyone could ever ask for."

As Edward's speech came to an end, I shifted nervously. Everyone had said goodbye but I knew Carlisle and Esme would want to again. Did I wait to go last or speak to her now? Did I even have the right to say goodbye? I'd failed her...

"Bella," Esme murmured, grasping my attention. She gestured towards Rose. "Go on dear, Carlisle and I are going to go last…to let her go…"

I nodded, trying not to cry at what Esme had just told me. It was really happening. The nurse had told Carlisle it was time to let Rose go. Could I sit in the room and watch as Rose was removed from the machines and then continue to see the life slip out of her?

I shook the images and thoughts from my head and took a seat quietly. I wrapped my hand around hers, being ever so gentle, and brushed a strand of hair from her face. "I hope you have a brush with you up there, Rose," I joked, stroking her long hair. "There are so many knots you're going to be annoyed at with brushing out." I laughed lightly and then grew serious.

"I've been trying to brush these words off for a long time, and I'm struggling to get them out now. It's as if these words are going to make it so much more real. I don't want to let you go Rose, but it's selfish of me. It's obvious you want to leave, and I'm not going to keep you here if you're hurting. You deserve to be free and happy. I wish you'd held on though, or even woke up for me. There's news I needed and wanted to tell you so badly, you would've been happy and excited – or at least I hope you would. I don't know how to share it now though when you're gone. It would feel wrong. I don't know. Losing you is the hardest thing I've ever done. I haven't known you as long as your family, but you're my first real best friend. You got me through so much and I'm only sat here because of you. You saved a lot of lives, even if you don't believe that. I love you more than you could ever think; you're more like a sister to me than you are a friend. I admire and respect you for being so strong and hanging on for as long as you did. You're so beautiful, kind and caring, and it feels so wrong to lose you. I know you'll be okay though – you're tough enough. You be good up there, alright? And never forget us. None of us. We won't forget you either. You're such a joy to be around and it's going to be hard adjusting to life without you, but we'll never forget you. I'm going to miss you so much and I'll always keep you on my mind. I love you, Rose, thank you for saving me."

As Esme and Carlisle took my place, I moved back and stood amongst the others. We all held each other as they both said their final goodbye. This was so real. Rose was going to stop breathing right there in that room and I didn't know if I could handle it. Emmett and Edward gripped me tightly, making sure I didn't fall as I stumbled a fraction.

A sob nearly escaped my throat when a doctor and nurse shifted Rose from the bed and lowered her fragile frame into Carlisle's strong arms. She looked so frail and little. I wanted to hug her. The nurse made sure Chubby and her favorite blanket were around her and I looked away as the life support was turned off.

This was a decision Esme and Carlisle had both made. With Carlisle being a doctor himself, he knew there wasn't much that could be done to save Rose, and she wasn't going to make it anyway. All they could've done was to keep her alive on machines for a few more days, and Esme didn't want to do that. They wanted Rose to be free of her pain and they decided this was the best decision to be made. Rose had tried to take her own life, hoping to leave this world and instead she was stuck in a hospital on machines. We all knew this was the right thing to do – for Rose and the family.

We all held each other as Esme and Carlisle held their daughter tightly. "Rosalie, dear," Esme began softly. "There were so many options that we could've went through to help you deal with your diagnosis, but I know deep down you felt trapped and didn't want to be ill for the rest of your life. It's alright though; dad and I will never stop loving you. You were the best daughter we could ever ask for and we wouldn't take back anything if we had the chance. You were a beautiful girl, and very intelligent. You did and always will do us very proud. Your legacy will live on forever in both of our hearts and we'll never stop loving you. I promise you I'll try to save as many lives as I can through you. I'll do everything to save someone else so their family doesn't have to go through this. I love you."

Carlisle kissed his wife gently and then turned to stroke Rose's face. She led there, unmoved by all our words. She was our Sleeping Beauty, and no matter how hard it hurt, we knew it was the right thing.

"You're a wonderful young woman Rosalie, and you know you'll always be daddy's baby girl. In the last few weeks and days we weren't very close, but I love you with all my heart and I'll never stop loving you. I don't agree with your choice – there's always someone or something there to help – but I'll take comfort in knowing this is what you wanted. Please don't forget us, and don't give people a hard time up there." He smiled softly. "God needed you to come home to him, and you'll be our Angel up there and down here. You were and are a blessing to our lives. I promise. Rest now baby girl, it's alright. You can let go."

With one gentle kiss from her parents and hugs from her siblings (and me), it was time to leave. Rose was somewhere far beyond earth now, and I knew she was happy. It was just hard to let her go.

"Goodbye Rose," I murmured, taking hold of Edward's hand as we left Rose with the doctors. "You're safe now."

* * *

READ.

Gosh, was that not emotional? Okay guys, the last chapter is on it's way. I know you guys didn't want Rose to die, but it'll work the story;D Though, there may be a surprise in the sequel, you'll just need to read it to find out. You need to read the final chapter for me and then continue with the sequel. Did any of you notice that Bella had news? That'll come out in the next chapter where we say goodbye to Rose at her funeral. I love you all so much, thank you for staying with me :)

Please read my other story about Rose? :)

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author. It all means so very much to me and helps me to continue this story – and my others – to the best that I can!

Keep reviewing :')


	30. Final Goodbye and a new Hello

Secrets That Kill

Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan 

The next week passed a lot slowly than we all anticipated. Three days after Rose passed away, I moved back in with my dad because being at the Cullen's just tore me apart. I'd get up every morning in Rose's room, expecting her to snap at me as she woke up from sleep, but she never did. Every time I was sat in their front room, I was expecting her to walk through the door with a big grin on her face telling us it was all a big joke and that she was fine. I decided for myself that it would be better for me to stay with my dad until I could come to terms with the loss. The Cullen's must have been so much more hurt than me though, and I felt so guilty.

I couldn't imagine how they were dealing staying in that house like that. They'd lost their daughter, sister and best friend and I was the one who'd had to move. They were such strong people.

Dad got off the couch quickly as someone knocked on the front door. I didn't fail to notice the quick look of concern he shot me before he went to let the person in. He was afraid that losing Rose would set me back to how I was before. Thankfully I was proving everyone wrong and was doing pretty good.

Edward came through the door, stopping to stand in the hallway with a solemn expression on his face. His blue, puffy coat was dripping wet from the downpour that had rolled in over the weekend. He stood there staring at his shoes for a few brief seconds before he shook off his jacket and came towards me. He wrapped his arms around me gently as he snuggled his cold face into the crook of my neck. "Bella," He breathed.

"Edward," I murmured back, fighting to beat the temptation of jumping on him right there in front of my dad. "My dad's right in front of us."

Edward didn't move, just murmured a quiet "hmm."

My dad cleared his throat and grabbed the keys to the cruiser off of the table. "Um…I'm going to go to the…err…station."

I grinned as he shut the door behind him and Edward jumped over the back of the couch so he could pull me against him. "Bella, why are you so damn delicious?" He brushed back my hair and rolled me over, pinning me under him as he lined my neck with kisses.

I rested my hands on his chest with a groan. "So not fair, Edward. Don't dazzle me."

He grinned as he nuzzled my neck. "I'm not dazzling you, love." He laughed innocently.

Edward's weight on me grew heavy as he pulled me in for a hot kiss. As soon as our lips met, though, I forgot about everything. All I wanted was Edward. Edward, Edward, Edward. I just wanted to melt into him.

We'd done this so many times over the past months, always getting wrapped up in ourselves and losing the control we tried to keep around each other. We'd even taken it to Edward's bedroom a few times. He was just too tempting.

And now with Rose gone, we were both trying to battle and overcome the pain that was deep inside us, and when we were making out, it made us forget. All we wanted was to replace the pain with something much happier. And it was working.

But was it right? Edward and I did love each other, so very much, but were we just using the love and sex to get rid of our pain? Both of us didn't know what to make of it.

"Bella," Edward protested, tugging on the loop of my jeans. His face rested on my exposed stomach, his hot breath giving me Goosebumps. "Baby…" He nudged again.

I resisted, my hands shaking as I ran them through his hair. "Edward, love me. Show me Edward. _EDWARD_!"

He chucked lightly – still a little sane – as he pushed forwards and nearly ripped my jeans clean off. Seconds later I heard the soft thump of them hitting the floor and Edward taking off his.

When he arranged himself, he rested on me again, grasping my waist and kissing my stomach before he readied himself. "Bella," He whispered, unable to find his voice.

"Edward yes, fuck yes!" I groaned. Why did he always ask permission to get inside me? I loved him! Dammit, I was losing it here.

Before I could regret the decision or push him away from me, he tore inside me; pushing through my walls and making me melt even more. "Edward," I moaned out his name in pure adoration.

"I love you so much." He groaned, panting heavily as he ran his hands over my body.

We were there for a while, giving each other our love, but it seemed like only seconds. When Edward pulled away and dressed me again, the longing in my heart tightened. I wanted him all the time. That pang of nervousness hit me though, like it always did afterwards. Had we forgotten something? Again? We always seemed to forget something…

_Oh well_, I thought to myself. I could barely think straight as I stared at Edward's emerald orbs.

"You're so gorgeous, Bella." He grumbled softly as he stroked my cheek. He pulled me into his chest and I tried not to cry as he stroked my hair.

"I miss her, Edward." I whispered, trying to control the tears. He knew who I was talking about.

He stiffened a fraction, his hands coming to a stop. "I know." He agreed. "I miss her so much too…Mom tried to get us all in Rose's room to sort out her stuff…to see what would be best to…bury her in."

I nodded quietly. "Yeah, I mean the funeral's in 6 days. I guess we need to decide how it's going to be and how to say goodbye properly…"

Edward began stroking my hair again, the shaking of his hands evident. "They want me to play." He whispered.

I turned to look at his grief-stricken face. "You should play, Edward. Rose would love it if you played a song for her at her celebration of life." I was refusing to call it a funeral.

He nodded. "I know that, I just don't know if I can get through the whole thing without breaking down…The family have the whole thing planned out, the music, the plans of the service, the burial…They want her buried with all her favourite things, in the clothes she loved to wear most." He shook his head as a tear rolled down his cheek. "It's not right."

"We have to take it as it is." I murmured softly. "We can't turn back the clocks and bring Rose back. She's gone, Edward. We need to strengthen up and give her the Goodbye she deserves."

"I know." He wiped the tears from his eyes. "I just don't want it to hurt…"

I hugged him tightly, knowing my comfort would give him more strength than words ever would.

* * *

They day of the funeral came around quickly, the awful weather not helping the atmosphere. I knew that today I had to tell the Cullen's – especially Edward – the news I had. I felt so upset that Rose wasn't here to hear it too, but I was hoping she was watching from up above.

"Alice," I spoke to her softly. I took the brush out of her hands and took over the role of brushing Rose's soft, blond hair. I didn't want her tugging too tightly because she was upset. Alice, Esme and I were dressing Rose ready for her burial, and it was so hard to see her lying there lifeless. "Why don't you go get her dress and help Esme change her?" I suggested lightly.

Alice nodded numbly and walked over to the rucksack we'd brought with Rose's stuff in. She wiped her teary eyes and began changing Rose with Esme.

It was hard to be here – preparing Rose for her burial. Esme had picked out a strapless pink and white prom dress and a pink flower for Rose's hair. It was a beautiful outfit but Esme had been shocked and heartbroken by the cuts on her daughter's arms that she hadn't known about, so she'd went and added a thin, sleek white cardigan to the mix.

20 minutes later, Rose was lying in her casket in the prom dress she'd worn to many parties, with her long blond hair lying around her with the pink flower pinning back the bangs on the left side of her head. She looked so beautiful, and so peaceful.

Alice tried so hard not to cry as she tucked Chubby into the side of the soft, red material inside the casket. "We love you so much, Rose."

The funeral took place in the main area of Forks only church. It had a high, patched ceiling and all the windows were stained-glass with all pretty drawings and patterns. Normally when I saw them, I felt happy and overwhelmed, but today I just felt sick.

I gazed around the room silently, taking in all the families, brought together to mourn for one of their own. Shrouded figures stood in the long line, waiting to take their seats, but did they come for her, or to just look polite?

Charlie resisted the urge to touch me as he saw the tears bubble in my eyes. He knew I wasn't ready to let him touch me quite yet. "You know we can leave if you can't handle this…" He told me, obviously worried that the church would stir up memories of my mother.

I shook my head. "I need to do this for Rose."

No matter how hard it hurt, I couldn't look away as the 4 Cullen boys – Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper and Edward - carried Rose's white casket down the walkway. They all had tears pouring down their faces but none of them halted in their movements – they were trying to be strong.

Esme clutched Alice to her tightly, murmuring that it was okay as they both cried. I sat next to them, trying not to cry too hard myself. Why were funerals so heartbreaking?

Once the casket was lowered on the stand at the front of the church, Edward took a seat and began to play Rose's song quietly. It was such a beautiful piece, and I was so proud to see he got through it without crying too badly.

I zoned out a fraction as people gorged themselves within sight of Rose's body. They spoke in unison to pay homage to one who we adored, but there was no eulogy given, no one wondered why. They just simply stared, all of them trying to get a look – to see if it is was really happening.

I had the sudden urge to call them rude, but I simply sat back and waited for the church to go silent while the vicar took his stand.

The service went on in a blur. Familiar people took the stand and spoke about Rose, many saying they didn't know her long but wish they had. Others who I'd never seen before and who claimed were her family, spoke about how Rose was a blessing to have in the family and how she'd always be carried with them. The final people to speak were the Cullen's themselves. Carlisle and Esme went first, talking about all the memories they'd had with her, about how amazing, beautiful and funny she was and how they'd never forget her. The stand was then taken by Emmett, followed by Jasper, then Edward, Alice and finally me.

It was a heartbreaking service. I didn't know how I got through it or how I was going to handle seeing Rose get put into the ground.

"Bella," Carlisle called as I tried to slip away from the scene folding out in front of me. The earth was nicely dug up for Rose's casket and I felt sick again. "Will you help, sweetheart?"

My feet willed me forward though my thoughts did not. I felt the canvas cable sliding between my fingers; burning like sliding on carpet. I felt sick again and again.

I stopped the sob in my throat as the cable caught and rocked, the weight shifting beneath it. At that moment, my mind flashed to Rose – laughing and smiling at me in her room. She would wipe my tears; tell me its okay to be sad. Tell me I didn't have to be strong. Oh, why did I have to be so strong?

Sweet salty tears slid between my lips…angry tears. She deserved better than this. I wanted nothing more than to sink to the grass and sob endlessly, to let those salty tears wash away my pain. But expectations prevail, and I managed to finish my grim task.

When the box finally settled, the rich sweet scent of the earth rushed up to greet me. I bent down unwillingly and tossed a bit of dirt down upon her, adding a bit of ceremony to the moment. It felt cold and wet between my fingers; I tried not to think of her spending eternity there.

How could we have let this happen? She wasn't supposed to be in the ground, she was supposed to be at home in the warm playing games and being a teenager. I walked away from the scene quietly, Edward catching up with me and pulling me into his arms. As he pulled me close, I heard myself say those words at last…Goodbye.

He pulled me tighter in the downpour, both of us sobbing like little babies – neither of us wanting to believe what had just happened. I looked up to the sky, through the tears and rain, and knew this was the time.

Rose would want me to tell Edward. He deserved to know. She deserved to know. Everyone deserved to know.

"Edward," I began, shifting to look up at him.

He looked down at me. "Bella?"

"We've done _it_ so many times these past few weeks and month…and we were so wrapped up in guilt. Now we've done such a terrible thing…" I couldn't look at his face as he tried to figure out what I was talking about.

"I'm pregnant, Edward."

Edward and I were having a baby…because of the mistakes we'd made. We'd been so wrapped up in pain that we hadn't used protection.

As he sunk down onto his knees in the murky, runny mud, realization hit me. As one life had left this world, another was on its way.

* * *

READ.

I'm sorry if this was a little confusing. Over the past few months during the healing process, Edward and Bella were secretly having sex (I just didn't write it cause I'm not good with that stuff;D) and because they were blown away by each other and too wrapped up in getting rid of the pain, they didn't use protection. Now they're left to deal with the consequences – a baby. Bella knew the news before Rose passed, and she had been planning on sharing it – because Rose loves kids – but then Rose passed away and she forgot for a little while. The sequel will be about the new changes Bella and Edward will be forced to make with a baby in the mix. Well, thank you guys for following this story. It's finally over :(

DON'T FORGET though to look out for the sequel – Secrets that Heal – that will be up as soon as possible :)

The journey has been amazing! I couldn't have done it without you!

Please read my other story about Rose? :)

Thank you so very much for all the support, favorites, reviews, story alerts, favorite author.

Keep reviewing :')


	31. Sequel!

**Authors note!**

Hey guys! Just wanted to let you know that the sequel to this story is now up and running with the first chapter!

Your wonderful reviews made sure of that and I just couldn't resist, so if you liked this story, go check out the next one and review for me!

Please, with Edward on top?

Reviews make me write and update a lot faster. They inspire me :)

Link – (remove spaces and brackets)

www . fanfiction (.net) s/8480630/1/Secrets-that-Heal


End file.
